the year was 2010.  movies were shown.  a lot em had to do with women in trouble, some blurred the lines between fiction and fact, a bunch were needlessly retrofitted to 3-D, and in the end, they were all juss a bunch of movieses.  18 of these flicks were bester than the others, and in our mumble opinion, we giveth you…

The Barely Legal Eighteensies

1) Black Swan

Natalie Portman masturbates!!!  that single sentence is enuff bestness for being bestest of the year bestnness worthy, but how about the meticulous Darren Aronofsky accomplishing the impossible task (more so than making a movie about the making of a website interesting) by making a movie about the ballet udderly mindblowing???? we haven’t been this psychologically broken since Jacob’s Ladder!  she WAS perfect! so was Vincent Cassel

2) Fish Tank

Coming of age in plastic America is for wussies, but coming of age in chavish England is sum real tough shit.  juss ask Fish Tank‘s heroine Mia Williams.  Hactually don’t ask her, and simply watch and marvel at Katie Jarvis’ embodiment of her heart & soul, and in the process hand in the finest performance of any actor we saw this year, in one of the most vastly under-seen dynamite films of the year!!!

3) Enter The Void

Once you enter, you will never exit, and if you are able to somehow exit, we’re sure the gift shop would be filled with nothing but hallucinogenic neon cum drops.  Still want to enter?  Who knew that Gaspar Noé could out Gaspar Noé Gaspar Noé!?!?!?!  This one will be talked about for ages, even if we never want to see it again, EVER.  had we hactually enjoyed it, it probably woulda been our true pick for #1.  9reals

3.5) Dogtooth

Saw this one a lil too late, but it’s never too late to add the 3.5th bestestest movie of 2010 to the breast of list, cause dude, DOGTOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4) Blue Valentine

You Always Hurt The One You Love

5) Carlos

319 minutes never felt so well used.  Carlos is the little brother of Zodiac & Munich, and those are 2 of the finest films of the past decade!! now can someone make a killer Patty Heart flick?

6) I’m Still Here

We saw it before the jig was up, and even with the knowledge that it was all hoax, we still want to believe in the self-loathing and destruction of Joaquin Phoenix.  This is Spinal FAT!

7) The Social Network

It was great and all, but it’s still no Zodiac

8) Waking Sleeping Beauty

The House of Mouse stewed in a black cauldron for quite awhile, until the beast was magically turned back into a beauty once again.  If you’ve ever seen and loved a single Disney cartoon, you owe it to yourself to watch this amazingly honest tell-all

9) The Red Riding Trilogy

To the North, where they did whatever the bloody hell they wanted to do!!!  Part 1, In the Year of Our Lord 1974, was the cream of the trilogy crop, but all 3 puzzle pieces are required for optimal picture quality

10) Best Worst Movie

A title that’s more apt than Apt Pupil, even if you’ve never even heard of Troll 2 before.  No worries, as they catch you up on the forgettable then and the unbelievable now, and it’s all for a wonderful eternity.  George Hardy, best wurst dentist/actor EVER!!!!!!

11) Exit Through The Gift Shop

What is art?  What is a documentary?  What is Banksy‘s next cinematic move? And WHEN can we see it???

12) The Eclipse

Two things you are unaware of: Ciarán Hinds is the greatestestest living actor AND The Eclipse is 28393902 bajillion times better than anything having to do with vampires, werewolves and the pointless girl they all want to bang

13) Another Year

‘a film by Mike Leigh’ is all you need to know

14) The King’s Speech

We still want to give this movie a giant hug

15) Let Me In

The rare ‘American remake is better than the foreign original’ type dealio!!!!!

16) The Agony & The Ecstasy of Phil Spector

Courtroom drama is flawlessly juxtaposed with some of the mos eternal music ever recorded, and we all finally learn what the deal with this is/was!!!!! #BenWallace

17) Life During Wartime

It’s a sequel of Happiness, with all new actors AND vibrant colors!! how did this work??  dunno, but it did!!!

18) Step-Up 3-D

Even more so than Jackass, this is why 3-D was re-invented. BFAB 4 Life!!! 10reals!!!!!

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

127 Hours (look ma, no arm!), Animal Kingdom (bloomin onions!), Cyrus (John C Reilly & Jonah Hill were made for each other), The Ghost Writer (free Roman Polanski!!), The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Män Som Hatar Kvinnor) (guess what, she has a dragon tattoo!!!), Harry Potter 7.1 (best since #3!!!), Heartbreaker (the inevitable American remake will suck), Jackass 3-D (duh), Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work (what she said), The Tillman Story (operation freedom of information), Somewhere (it’s Lost In Translation, but hactually really darn good!), Toy Story 3 (duh pt 2), TRON 2 (bestest Daft Punk video everrrrrrr), Vincere (2 facist, 2 furious), When You’re Strange (faces come out of the rain!!)

stay pooned for our final Movies 2010 installment, when we drop a bunch of awards on people like it’s a hot lunch!

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