oh man, that TV stuff in 2016!!!

1. The People vs OJ Simpson (FX)

left a PERManent 90s stain on my psyche 

(please note – I didn’t get a chance to watch the ESPN doc series on OJ yet):

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2. The Americans (FX)

poor poor Martha Hanson

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3. Baskets (FX)

Louie Anderson – BIGGEST comeback of the 21st Century!!!

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4. Murder Made Me Famous (REELZ)

a who’s who of horrible human beings – Jodi Arias, Scott Peterson, The Menendez Brothers, Drew Peterson, Ted Bundy, Joran van der Sloot, Pamela Smart, Jean Harris, Billionaire Boys Club, The Preppy Killer, Steven Avery, Charles Manson.  sure, the news is old, but the reenactments are fresh – and I friggin love reenactments!!!  also, the Steve Avery one had me throw out any sympathy that I had formed from watching Making of a Murderer!!!  also, I could listen to Steve Helling talk ALL DAY

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5 & 6. Gotham (Fox) & Supergirl (CBS/CW)

(still) amazing how DC heroes are done OH so right on the small screen, and OH so wrong on the big screen

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7. Younger (TV Land)

this is basically TV’s best kept secret.  Sutton Foster and her teefy smile are infectious!

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8. Shameless (Showtime)

a show I truly hate to watch, cause I always feel the need to take 82929 showers after watching it, but I cannot quit on the Gallaghers, especially now that the little kids are coming into their own, and so is Kevin (above) and his shorter hair!

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9. Bates Motel (A&E)

the show inches closer and closer to the Norman Bates we all know and love, while creating the Norman Bates we never knew anything about.  sad that the upcoming season will be its final one 

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10. Halt and Catch Fire (AMC)

even more ones and zeroes, and four of my favorite TV HEROES!!!!

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11. Drunk History (Comedy Central)

more Rich Fulcher please!

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12. Fresh Off The Boat (ABC)

 

making broadcast TV comedies fun again, and again!  probably my favorite modern TV family

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other solid forms of entertainments: 

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver – it was all a lot of fun AND games, until his efforts to stop Trump were in vain, and I couldn’t watch the show anymore

The Circus – fantastic and immediate election season show was a must watch, although I still haven’t brought myself to watch the final episode.  gasp

The Affair - so so so soo soo excellent that it made me eat Lunch

Maron - nice ending to a show that didn’t seem to have a beginning

Silicon Valley – still my favorite cast on TV

The Last Man Earth – still my 2nd favorite cast on TV

Married At First Sight 4 - finally, some of the people found love

Veep – incredible how the insane politics of this show were outdone by the real insane politics of 2016!

Married by Mom and Dad – what a great bad idea.  its heart is in the right place, even if the hearts don’t end up in the right place

Tyrant - the show ran out of steam, and I was basically done with it once Ashraf Barhom was done

Fargo  - I hope they keep farGOING and GOING!!!

Modern Family – it’s like they’re trying too hard to be funny, and it shouldn’t have to be that way

House of Cards - OMG – the Russian guy is really Mads Mikkelsen’s brother!!!

Game of Thrones - still not as good as HBO’s Rome

Million Dollar Listing New York – I’m sold on Fredrik, Ryan and Luis

Mistresses - so long, goodbye, don’t let your awfulness hit you on the way out

Restaurant Startup – Joe is still an a$$hole, and Tim Love still has giant eyes, and I still cannot miss an episode

11/22/63 – they need to travel back in time and remake the series without James Franco!

Girls - this show needs an abortion from itself

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+ bone-yessss!! moments

long live Mrs Garrett

the BUZZR channel. it’s what the Game Show Network used to be!

Richard Dreyfuss as Madoff!

MTV Classic – what MTV was, and needs to be

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOILxlnjbj3/

guessing the Twin Peaks 2017 characters!!

when New York City’s in trouble – who you gonna call? Pat Kiernan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Growing Pains goes to Europe! and Family Matters goes to Disney World!

They Fcuked With The Babysitter

SUPER DICKMANN’S!!!

the 30 for 30 on the first pitch after 9/11

The Double Dare Reunion!  LONG LIVE HARVEY!!!

The Unknown Flag Raiser of Iwo Jima – rights history’s wrong, AND employed the retired Gene Hackman to tell us!

when Adrien Brody channeled Andrew Dice Clay – which may have been my favorite TV moment of 2016

Debbie Gibson goes Hallmark and gives us an awesome acoustic ‘Only In My Dreams’

and this!!!

https://vimeo.com/166687480

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it growing pains me to say goodbye to all these amazing people :(

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+ hail & farewell to…

Charles Osgood on our televisions on Sunday mornings

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Vin Scully calling Dodgers games

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perv-iously ’15 ’14 ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07

boob tube groove tube tube tube loob… aka, here’s the best in TV, 2015

1. Restaurant Startup (CNBC)

It’s like Shark Tank, but less annoying, and more evil, and more awesome, and food!!!!!!!!!!!!  Show was so fcuking good that I refused to watch the last episode of the 2nd season until about 3 months later, cause I couldn’t deal with the fact that season was over and that there were no new episodes to watch.  My new biggest fear in life is being insulted and yelled at by Tim Love and Joe Bastianich

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2. The Jinx (HBO)

More like the BLINX, amirite???!!!  What’s truly amazing is that the director of this HBO docuseries actually made a fictionalized version of this story and it kinda wasn’t that interesting, and so he takes it and makes a longform doc out of it and it not only shocks and freaks out a (pay cable) nation, but actually does real life truth, justice – the American way!!! 

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3. The Knick (Cinemax)

Granite – I only saw season 1 (which was from 2014), but this is the single greatest thing Cinemax has ever given the world.  Yes, even more betterer than soft-core porn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I want to live in the Knick world, even though it looks like the wurstest world eversz

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4. Arranged (FYI)

Arranged marriages apparently still exist – and not just for Indian couples.  FYI strikes love gold again (after Married At First Sight – our pick for best show of 2014) – following three couples in newly arranged marriages.  Yes, one of the couples is Indian, but the other Southern, and the other other Gypsy pups under 20 years of age!  You won’t get a better slice of American life than this.  And oh boy, that Gypsy couple – Christian and Maria – AND his parents – Michael and Nina – are simply the BEST BEST BEST BEST.  I pray for a spinoff for the Gypsy clan.  PLEASSSSSSSSSSSE!

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5. Hanninbal (NBC)

It’s either AS amazing as Silence of the Lambs the movie was or perhaps even better.  I mean, you saw that scene where they saw that dude’s head, right??? And that series finale ending, WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!

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6. Gotham (Fox)

The world of Batman cannot be confined to the limits of cinema – and it has flourished in the longform of television with Gotham, which got even stronger in season 2.  The bad guys are even badder, and whoever’s casting these kids in these roles should be given the key to the city of Gotham, and have a street named after them, and stuff!!!  OMG, don’t even get me started on how super dope fly Silver St. Cloud is (and how way too young the actress who plays her is)

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7. Behind The Screams (Reelz)

I love movies.  I love serial killers (learning about them, not them themselves) and real-life scary sh!t.  I LOVE movies about serial killers and real life scary sh!t.  Reelz made a show that looks at the real-life stories that inspired big time scary movies – like Psycho, The Exorcist, It, and Silence of the Lambs, to name a few.  Sometimes the movies are tamer than the real life stuff!!!!!!!

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8. Halt and Catch Fire (AMC)

CTRL + ALT + DEL-ICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+ anything starring Lee Pace is beyond watchable

Especially <3 Kerry Bishé!!!

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9. Kendra On Top (WE tv)

You’d think a reality show about an ex-Playboy bunny and ex-NFLer couple with martial strife wouldn’t be something deep and meaningful, but you’re thinking would completely wrong.  Kendra On Top is all about family, and the roses and warts that comes along with it.  I’ve been with Kendra since the Girls Next Door days, and what was once fun fluff, is now fun tough stuff

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10. The Americans (FX)

Those wigs + Keri Russell’s butt = RED SCARES AND APPOINTING SPEWING!!!!!!!!!

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11. The Last Man Earth (Fox)

What would you do if you were the last man on earth?  And what would Will Forte do if he was the last man on earth?  Luckily this show answers the second question, WITH ENDLESS HILARITY AND GUT-PUNCHING CRINCHING GRINNING!!!

(this ranking is for season 1 only, as 2 aint as novel and hilarious and imaginative as season 1 is/was)

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12. Real World: Skeletons (MTV)

https://www.instagram.com/p/yHevfnm34Y/

Somehow Real World won’t quit, and as humanity gets worse, so do the Real World roomies, which juss makes it all that much more entertaining.  PLUS, there was a great script flip here – skeletons from these people’s past come to live with the housemates, with often and VERY often horrible results!!! PLUS, the girl from New York’s accent, and how she says ‘garbage’ – ‘GAVAGE’

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other solid forms of entertainments: 

Mad Men - can’t believe they didn’t divide the final season and air it over 5 years (instead of 2).  was actually sad to see it go, even though it felt like it was getting meh towards the end, but it really wasn’t meh at all

Married At First Sight: The First Year – the more Doug and Jamie and Courtney and Jason in my life, the better

Married At First Sight 2 – didn’t work out for our new set of couples, but it worked out entertainmentwise

Veep - Jonah and Richard = endless gold

Finding Carter - teens make dumb choices, and I can’t stop watching, but I hope teens aren’t watching 

Drunk History - hopefully there will NEVER be a last call on these

Supergirl - screw all the other super heroes.  I mean, I want to screw Supergirl.  bonus pts for making her stepmom Helen Slater and her stepdad Dean Cain!!!

Tyrant - I want this guy to dictate me

Bates Motel – things get more uncomfortable and more out of control.  it’s only a matter of time before Norman does in his mother and becomes her

Fargo  - the accents are getting old, the action aint

A Very Barry Branson – long live Greg Brady and his enthusiasm and cheesiness.  never stop being you!

Homeland - Miranda Otto = hotttt-o

Modern Family - the kids are getting older, and more sexual.  it’s both unsettling, and HOTTT

House of Cards – this guy juss looks like such a jackass

The Affair - caught season 1.  so steamy I had to take 23949249 cold showers, and beat off in the cold showers

Louie - Civil War hero

Vice – I prefer the US stories, like the one about Alabama and their dumb racism backfiring 

Black-ish - growing less and less funny, but still worth a watch

Fresh Off The Boat - it’s more yellow than blackish, and better

Shameless - when will it end?  please let it end.  it’s too hard to bear anymore

Better Call Saul - only saw a few episodes, which I loved, and when I wanted to watch the rest – they were off of on-demand.  bastards!!!

Younger - an impossible premise, but I couldn’t care less, cause it’s so dang enjoyable

Game of Thrones - I don’t really care, but juss wanna be like everyone else, and know what everyone else is talking about

Mistresses - so bad it’s… bad!

Maron - losing its funny, but not me as a watcher

The Grinder – who doesn’t love seeing Fred Savage back on a television!!!???!?!

Under The Dome - thank gawd it’s over.  it jumped more sharks that Lost ever did, and actually makes Lost‘s endgame look less lost

Girls – still sucks, but thanks for Kylo Ren!

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+ bone-yes moments

that True Detective eyes wide sluts orgy

remember Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future????????

The faces behind the Peanuts voices

the existence of MeTV, and how it gave me the will to live and love The Brady Bunch again

https://www.instagram.com/p/6gdZUkm35v/

the theme from The Jinx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4Qp1TEKswQ

Supergirl is supercute

Berle & Batman

I went on TV on opening day and basically Nostradamusly said the Nats would fail

Addams Family Hopefuls – Photos From The Auditions

saying so long to the lusty slutty naughty Flowers In The Attic Lifetime movies

The Monty Hall Smokin-Stokin’ Fire Brigade

that fat redheaded kid on True Detective

any Hallmark Christmas movie starring Alicia Witt

the surprisingly seriousness of A Deadly Adoption

https://vine.co/v/OFIpz3ApA7O

Tony Kornheiser on The Americans!!!!

Kev’s brother on Derek (another winning show from Ricky G)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clRmIhuafYg

Knitters With Attitude!!!!

Shaq and his Shaquila (Shaq Tequila) from Fresh Off The Boat

and

SNL40: In Memoriam

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my favorite TV performance of 2015…

anyone who pretended to be an actor on an 90s sitcom OR something by Aaron Spelling

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a fond farewell to those who boldly went where no man or woman or character has gone before.  you will be missed

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adiós Don Francisco‘s Sábado Gigante

Bob Schieffer faced the nation one final time

Jon Stewart says goodnight to The Daily Show

Willard Scott leaves Your Neck of The Woods

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Dave Letterman goes out with a letter A, man

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perv-iously ’14 ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07

being married kept me away from the movie theatre/theater, and more at home, glued to the good ole boob tube, and that was way OK, cause TV was pretty fraking good in 2014…

1. Married at First Sight (FYI)

A reality show that made us believe in love AND reality TV again, and it all felt so real.  Sometimes happily ever after is possible, even if it’s manufactred

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2. Ray Donovan (Shotwime)

I am SO gay for Gay Donovan and all of its characters, but mostly gay for Jon Voight as Mickey Donovan – perhaps TV’s greatest supporting character of this century!  Every episode plays like a season finale - packed with more wallop than one could ever wall-down.  WALLOP!!!

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3. American Horror Story: Freak Show (FX)

Scariest sh!t television has ever seen (MAYBE!).  From Twisty the clown (and his super sad backstory) to Finn Wittrock KILLING IT as Dandy Mott to a 3-breasted woman – there’s something for everyone… to make them sh!t their pants!!

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4. Fargo (FX)

Not even Tom Hanks’ lame son could ruin the TV show that did the Bates Motel/Hannibal impossible of 2014 – take a sacred movie and turn it into a brilliant TV show!!!   BILLY BOB THORTON’S HAIR FOR THE WIN!!!

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5. Gotham (Fox)

Batman goes Muppet Babies – and it too somehow works, even if doesn’t make comic book sense.  It’s all about Gordon, but Penguin and Catowman junior rule the city/the show + younger Alfred kicks BUT(ler)!!!

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6. Boardwalk Empire (HBO)

Boardwalk was usually BOREDwalky, and never lived up to its potential, but finally did in its final season.  Maybe cause they found the perfect teeny Steve Buscemi in Marc Pickering

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7. Drunk History (Comedy Central)

My favorite show of 2013 still packed a punch in its second season, for both the brain AND the funny bone.  A rare double-threat that should threaten all other shows that aren’t informative AND funny!!

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8. True Detective (HBO)

that tracking shot!!!

and those boobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [NSFW]

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9. Tyrant (FX)

Nobody is having more (screen) fun than Ashraf Barhom is as Tyrant Jamal, and no one had more fun watching him do that thing than me.  It’s TV’s most underloved awesome show!

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10. Silicon Valley (HBO)

Was there any doubt that a Mike Judge TV show wouldn’t be cool-whip-smart?  And that cast!!!!!  OMG OMG OMG, that CAST!!!!

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11. 10 Things You Don’t Know About (H2)

Sober history, with perhaps the best sober host ever – Henry Rollins!!

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12. Hannibal (NBC)

(spoiler alert) Mason Verger will eat himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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other solid forms of entertainments: 

Veep – FOUR MORE YEARS!!!!

Homeland – it got back to where it once belonged – deep in our hearts

The Knick – would probably be my #1 show, but I only got to see 3 eps cause who subscribes to Cinemax???

My Grandmother’s Ravioli – Mo grannys, mo awesome!!

Ali G Rezurection – for completists, and people who like to laugh

Bates Motel – a lot of padding, but mother and son know/are best

The Americans  – dude, Keri’s butt!!!

Mad Men – too much Megan, not enuff Bert, but plenty of BURGER CHEF!!!

Modern Family – TV’s consistently funniest show that you somehow don’t find funny

House of Cards – that subway push, that 3some, that other stuff!!

Louie – his screen daughter Jane needs a spinoff show

Get Carter – we got it!

Under The Dome – lost a little luster in season 2, but plenty of clusterfudges to keep us glued

Black-ish – the fall’s only new AND funny show worth watching/that wasn’t canceled

Shameless – was nice to be Justin Chatwin-free for a season

Newsroom – good riddance you overly talkie Aaron Sorkin talkie.  and I don’t care how ‘good’ she looks, cause Olivia Munn is the world’s würstest actress

Top Chef - Katsuji for president

Undercover Boss - over-ly sweet and souful!

Masters of Sex – too much time dedicated to the too many side characters, and their too not so interesting side stories

Selfie – dumb, fun, and sadly, gone too soon

Pizza Masters – wish these fatties were my cousins

Garfunkel and Oates – for the comedy (and Saved By The Bell refs), but not so much for the music & lyrics

Maron – dropped off a bit in season 2, but he made Ray Romano funny!

Penny Dreadful – finally, monsters and creatures with brains

Halt and Catch Fire – sweet dreams, OK reality

Vice – although I don’t remember any of the pieces off the top of me head

Girls – sucks

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+ bone-yes moments

- Adrien Brody as Houdini and his hot screen wife and his weird-faced assistant were beyond best!

- TWIN PEAKS IS COMING BACK!!!!!!!  and here’s what they should do

- Stephen Colbert, we’ll meet again

– you can’t handle the Chelsea Handler goodbye

– Cam dances off against Will Sasso

– the insaneness of Petals On the Wind

- all the grandmother’s on My Grandmother’s Ravioli, but especially 90 year old Thelma Brelesky

– Jill St John as Molly as Robin in the second ever episode of Batman (1966)

– that time ‘Murder She Wrote’ went Psycho

– ABC promo glamour shots

– so long Californication – you were the fcuking WURST

– Pam Mueller > Ferris Bueller

- Tommy Chong dances

– never 5get Jimmy McBride – Boston Cab Driver – MTV Gabber

– Disaster of Puppets

- Drake’s Bar Mitzvah / Hobbit Office / Me

– Once In A Lifetime, Times Four

– Keith L Williams as DJ Pre-K on Selfie

– the mystery of Debra Messing’s green sweater puppies

+

my favorite TV performance of 2014…

Adam Hagenbuch as Ashton Kutcher in Lifetime’s Brittany Murphy movie!!!

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& peace the mork out :(

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