Thighs Wide Shut

2) I sphinx the Pats are damn good, but also damn lucky. Lucky in a sense that the rest of the NFL teams, besides the Colts and the Cowboys, are beyond awful. They’re going to lose at least one game this year, and it’s gonna be at the hands of one of their lesser divisional foes. I know that sounds more chris than luda, but I totally have an itch about the their next game after the bye in Buffalo. Lee Evans and Marshawn Lynch cannot be stopped right now

3) I sphinx that the rookie season of Heroes, which we juss finished watching on DVD, may be one of the mos solidesistest 23-episodeded debuts of a show mt EVERest. How about for a 12-episodeded beginner? Dexter. 8 eps? Twin Peaks. 6? The (UK) Office

4) I sphinx that if I were homeless, I’d totally scrape together $10 for the round-trip fare from Poo Authority to the Ghettolands on any given Sunday. Why? Think of all the leftover tailgating foods and beverages that go to waste once the game starts: ribs, burgers, dogs, donuts, chips, beer, you name it, and it’s all free! Had I known how much of a poopfest the Skins-Jets game was going to be, I may have juss stayed in the parking lot and eaten like a king… Peter King that is! Dude is more mammoth than many a woolly!

5) I sphinx Ben & Jerry can do no better than their Cinnamon Buns flavor. Caramel Ice Cream with Cinnamon Bun Dough & a Caramel Streusel Swirl aint no wet dream, it’s actually a frozen one!

7) I sphinx the UK’s Retro Gamer mag is the coolest read since Ramona Quimby, Age 8

8) I sphinx über-adorable Jayma Mays needs some mo love in Hollywood. She’s been on our radar since the ‘005, when she replaced Lohag as our redhead of choice (although the one down in the pic below is now top of the pops)

9) I sphinx the are two things one should not go a day without looking at: NSFW boobs and mustaches of the 19th century

10) I sphinx Halloween has replaced St Patty’s day as the bestest drinking holiday. Costumes + beer = bestumes!!!

Ten Things I Think I Think I Think Without A ThinkPad

we loves us some Halloween sluts!
who doesn’ts?
but nuttin gets our mojo nick goings like FloJo
quite like a bitty in the BK lounge
dressed up as Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange!
not many bizatches have the balls to do it
but we’d totally lick Peter Brady’s ho-bag’s testes satchels!

[more snaps on AC’s blog]

further heavy breathing: A Clockwork Orgy

Cuthbest = bestcuth!

[Moo Hotties]

many Bothan spies died to tell us that PW Botha, William Styron, and Mr Eko all peaced the fork out, as well as Bob Barker‘s decisish to dump his super amazin super slim microphone

the real stories behind Borat

the usual Alex James spreadin Blur reunion blather leads the Snob to hump the Queen, for good or for bad

Rev Al Sharpton hates the NFL network more than Andy Rooney hates people who wear American flag pins

Kevin from The Office, no longer a canidate for the Nats job [DC Bestest Guy]

here’s yer chance to help make the National Mall > than Scenes From A Mall

I’ve heard of Miami of Ohio, and even lame-o-er than lame-o Indiana of Pennsyvania, but California University of Pennsylvania? I would never drink to that CUP!

Monica Bellucci in Italy’s GQ, always barely SFW

The Most Brilliant Thing You’ll See All Day [Boris Becker’s Love Child]

Wikipedia: Lamest edit wars

Celebs In Lingerie

Friday the 13th: In 7 Minutes

Top Ten Female Streakers [The Terrible Bowler]

Knuckle Tattoos

Dog Ties

Camp Camp

Top Gun T Shirts

Bunny Yawns

Little People

Tootie’s Bong [De La Roachclip]

Men of Mortuaries

Melting Ice Pops 1999-2004

Debbie McGee Models

Cindy Margolis Playboy Scans, butter late than never say never again [NSFW]

and the Bloodsport Mentos Commercial

Hipsters and Fannings, some say mos un-scariest Halloween since H20…

• The first images from Young Hannibal have been unearthed. By the looks of it, and the dude that be playing Dr Lecter, they shoulda saved their money and juss re-released Crispin Glover’s Willard with the name ‘Thomas Harris’ somewhere on the poster.

• December 5th is too far away, so will someone steal the masters to The Archdukes cover of Air’s ‘Sexy Boy’ and put it in a place we can all find it, LIKE THE INTERNETS? And if yer not eggcited by this prospect, you snobviously don’t know yer pseudo-gay French electronic hotness from yer pseudo-gay Hungarian goulash notness. D-lode the original here and lets move on with our lives.

• In the dark about this whole Plame Game? Norm does us a flavor and posted a vid of 60 Minutes‘ expose on the subject, juss in case yer an unedjewmactaed person who doesn’t watch CBS after fooball. Anywho, please do not let Ed Bradley’s earring distract you from the truth

• And as an added bonus, ask Andy Rooney a question. I double dog dare you!

• HBO ensures that I won’t be canceling my subscription for years to come… well, at least until they announce a 12th year of The Sopranos where each episode revolves around a character watching TV. Oh wait, that’s what happened on every ep last season. [via The Kiddie Fiddler]

• Listen yerself a listen to Jarvis and Co’s ‘This Is the Night’ jounks from the Harry Pothead And The Goblet Of Fire sdtrk. What rockin tunes you got Chronic of Narnia, some Christian crud like 12 Stones?

• Speaking of sdtrks, Meg White’s solo work for Bob Odenkirk’s latest will probably end up in more bargain bins than Temple of the Dog. I’m going hungrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeee!!

• Which enlistment would be more torturous, the Iraqi Army or Lindsay Lohan’s I-Squad? Either way, you may have to give up your life for the sake of the team. Cause their is no ‘nip-slip’ in ‘team’

• Probably the mos genius Apple ][+ Grandaddy music video you’ve never did see [via TOSQS]

• Refarted GoogleVideo fun: the dance of Yoda, silly Asians, and Kirk Cameron on Christ [via Cefle, Shady Harry’s Son, and Socialighter]

• This, that, and these other thangs

• 7 Pink Panther/Sweet’n Low recipes I hope no one ever serves

• Bid on Vincent Gallo’s Sperm [via ONTD]

• And did I tell y’all that I finally cast the three leads in my first of 29 films co-produced by Amblin Entertainment? Say hello to the silver screen’s mos classy and sexiest ninja hooker water polo-playin socialist trio of assassins from Bosnia-Herzegovina, your wet cream dream team, Charlie’s Angles

As time passes, birthdays mean less and less to me, but I end up having prolonged celebrations. What used to be a day at Chuck E. Cheese’s has now blossomed into multiple weeks of festivities. I now do a Maryland and NY b-day thang. And as my b-day looms on the horizon (this Sunday for all you gift givers), this past weak end was dedicated to roots of del Thigh Master.

Friday night I headed solo (long story) like Han to the lovely Ottobar in a rather shady area of Bal’more, Merryland (but hey, isn’t all of Bal’more shady?). I was there to catch my flavorite band of the moment: The Fiery Furnaces. After peeping their majestic medley-laden amazingness at The Bowery B-Room back in late Zeptember I knew I had to see them again (and again x3471). Does that make me the band’s only groupie? Probably, but so be it. Anywho, I was glad to get there b4 the FFs took to the stage, so I could czech out the gay hotttness of the The Hidden Cameras. Think Belle & Sebastian, but even butter, and maybe even gayer. As for the main event, Matt & Eleanor Friedberger-Furnacesness, with help pitched it from Andy Knowles & Toshi Yano, once again electrified the crowd with one of the finest live shows out there (surely toe-tappingiest). I won’t go on and on about how I pray to them 5 times daily, but you have to pick up their latest, Blueberry Boat (destined to top Thigh’s breastest albums of the year), and catch them live. And for the record, I’d like to note that Matty Friedberger looks like a handsomerer version of John Kerry, and I want to have Eleanor’s babies.

Saturday was a day of pure gluttony (but that’s pretty much every day for me). With Mama, Papa, and Sister Master in tow, we headed up 30 miles north into the Merryland ‘boonies’ to the closet mecca of down home eats. We started off with some Cracker Barrel craziness including sitting on the rocking chairs, playing the peg game, and having the fam watch me devour some of dat chicken fried chicken smothered in gravy. After that, although there was no room left in my stomach, we went up the road to Waffle House for some pecan waffle dessertness. YUM! Many hours and moons later, my mum pieced together a b-day dinner for the ages. I mean why go out to eat when mumsy can cook better than Martha Stewart, Rachael Ray, and Mrs Field’s combined!! Everything from flank steak to sweet potato pie to potato latkes to mustard soup to creme brulee was inhaled over 3+ hrs. What a mos purrrrrrrfect warm-up to Thanksgiving (the Thigh’s all-tim flav holly-day). Bless you mum and bless you dad for marrying mum. And bless you both for doing the nasty so I can enjoy yer greatness as peoples… and mum’s cooking.

Then it was Sunday. With an extra hour of sleep under my belt, I headed out to the city formerly known as Raljon to catch my belovededed Redskins do damage… to themselves. BOOOO!!!! Start Ramsey!! Well, at least I got to see Farve play at least once before he retires (at least!!!), and we can all sleep easy now cause Kerry will win on Tuesday for sure (or whenever the smoke clears) cause histiry SEZ so. And how could I forget to mention the stooopendous 10am tailgate! I must have chowed down at least 127314643 sausages and pecan twirls with the great company of Hofpenis, Guns n’ Rosenthal, Krazmataz, Minky, and the one and only Todd Slanderous. Thanks to everyone who made the pre-B-day weak end filled with more food, folks, and fun than any human can handle… unless of course yer first name is Thigh. FOOD COMA FOREVER!!! The only regret is not dressing up for Halloween, but why even try when Ross K Doji had the one costume to rule them all…