Thighs Wide Shut

What If: Movies Reimagined for Another Time/Place

What If: Movies Reimagined for Another Time/Place by Peter Stults

I did it for you, and for country, and for humanity…

Decider – Old Man And The See: Young Helen Mirren and Her Birthday Suit Make Quite The Splash in ‘Age of Consent’

Winchester
Rifling & Stifling
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 99 min

A long time ago, I was a giant fan of the A&E show – America’s Castles.  One particular episode about ‘California Dreamers’ introduced me to a house that I never ever wanted to call home, but literally haunted me by just knowing about it.  It was the Winchester Mystery House of San Jose, built, and continued to be endlessly built on and on and on and on by rifle heiress Sarah Winchester, until the day she died.  This is no ordinary house.  It has staircases that lead nowhere, and a door that opens to a 2 story drop, and oodles of twists and turns that defy architecture sanity!!  And the very first time I ever visited San Francisco I forced my friend to drive me to this house so we could tour it.  AND IT WAS EVEN MORE AMAZING IN PERSON THAN WHAT I COULD EVER IMAGINE (even if the tour guide we had was more cheerleader than Vincent Price)!!!  The true mystery is how this house isn’t as famous and as visited as Graceland???!!!??!!!

So when they made Winchester – a movie about Sarah and the house, I had to see it – no matter HOW rotten it was rated.  Well, it was totally NOT rotten, but for a movie about a house that is possibly haunted, they were somehow unable to remotely make a scary movie out of it.  They added some BS stories to make it some sort of an actual story, and even with solid performances from both Helen Mirren and Jason Clarke the result was somewhere between ‘they could have done something better‘ and ‘well, how could they have made a better movie than this when there’s really not much to work from besides the house being big and crazy and creepy?‘  And so, the movie is what it is, and what it is is OK, and it at least gets the word out there that this house exists, and that matters cause there’s no place LIKE this home

Verdictgo: high end(?) Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Winchester ‘haunts’ a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Trumbo
The Brave One
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 124 min

Dalton Trumbo had an awesome name, and an awesome mustache, but his life was far from awesome.  Yeah, the man won two Academy Awards for writing screenplays, but the first one he won – had another writer’s name attached to it instead of his, and his second one had to have a pseudonym on it cause he couldn’t work under his own name.  Ya see – Dalton Trumbo was an unabashed, overly outspoken communist living in America, who loved America – but he lived in a time where being red was scary to others, and so when the House Un-American Activities Committee came calling and wanted him to come name calling, he refused, and so he + 9 others became the Hollywood Ten – blacklisted from working in Hollywood, and living a normal life

Jay Roach‘s Trumbo tells (t)his story.  And (t)his story was actually already told, in doc form, back in 2007 with the eggsalad, and same named Trumbo.  I love docs so much, and would normally tell you that you MUSS see the doc before bothering with the movie (or not bother with the movie at all), but this movie is juss as good at telling the story – even if the movie itself feels like one of those biopic movies made for HBO – you know, a good movie, but nothing highly cinematic

But I had fun watching the mostly downs of Trumbo’s life, cause the cast was having such a hoot hooting along.  There was Helen Mirren being a bitch, Diane Lane being supportive, John Goodman being loud, Louis CK trying to act, Elle Fanning fanning the flames, Alan Tudyk tudyuking, and Michael Stuhlbarg playing Edward G. Robinson!!!  

And then there’s Bryan Cranston.  By the time Breaking Bad was winding down, I grew tired of Bryan Cranston.  This fatigue had less to do with him, and more juss to do with everyone not shutting up about Bryan Cranston, and so my opinion on him started to sour a bit.  I was like, enuff with the Bryan Cranston!!!!!!!!!  But after his trumboniously delicious work as the title character here, I have a full on trumboner for Bryan Cranston again.  And he’s sooooo good with that thick mustache (and smoking) that I think he should shave his head and play Rich Uncle Pennybags in a Monopoly movie!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Trumbo trumbos tonight in NY/LA and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Hundred-Foot Journey
A Spoonful of Curry & A Poundful of Sugar
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 122 min

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN AN INDIAN FAMILY MOVES TO A PICTURESQUELY QUAINT FRENCH VILLAGE AND OPENS UP A RESTAURANT – 100 FEET ACROSS THE STREET FROM A SNOOTY FINE DINNING EATERY?????????????????????????????????????? Oh man, if only there were a book that tackled this story idea that got Oprah and Spielberg so jazzed that they turned it into a movie directed by the guy who made that Chocolat movie! OH WAIT, THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise jeebus, and ganesha, and PG movies that you can actually bring your family too, even if the drama on-hand is about intense as cracking an egg

For a movie about food, the taste can at times be pretty formaggi, but for the most part – the cheesiness sizzles, unlike in Chef, where it kinda stank like rotten meat

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Journey begins at a theater near jews Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…