Straight Outta Compton
Fear of A Black Hatted Planet
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 147 min

Dude, F. Gary Gray (the guy who directed Friday) nailed it.  He took the story of N.W.A. and gave it big screen attitude, AND IT WAS SO BANGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And why did it work?  Cause I believed O’Shea Jackson Jr was Ice Cube (and not just his real life son), and Corey Hawkins was Dr. Dre, and Jason Mitchell was Eazy-E, and I guess Aldis Hodge was MC Ren and guess Neil Brown Jr was DJ Yella.  It felt so real, but real like in a music video real real kinda way, but was like so f’reals, like 7 reals!!  And it had a lot of heart, and baseball bats, and those amazing black hats (how did they plan on who got to wear which hat on which day????).  147 minutes never felt so fun, and quick, and jheri-curled.  Get STRAIGHT at this movie, NOW!!

Bust morest importantly, it’s the 2nd movie I’ve seen this year where Paul Giamatti plays a music impresario who means well, but is mean, and greedy, and kinda horrible… and of course Giamattz plays it to perfection  

In Love & Mercy he was Dr Landy – Brian Wilson’s worst daymare

and in Compton, he was the pimp behind the wheels & deals - Jerry Heller

would you trust Gi-mattz and his toupees??? 

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Compton is Straight awesome – at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

21 Jump Street
They Got The Beat, Street
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 109 min

21 Jump Street the movie defied the following odds…

a) its trailer was horrible

b) aside from The Fugitive, Dragnet, The Brady Bunch, The Addams Family and The Untouchables, old TV shows rebooted to feature films suck

c) if it’s the 21st century and Ice Cube is in your movie, it’s probably not funny

How it bypassed all of these roadblocks is kinda a modern day movie miracle.  And on top of all that, it’s the most laugh out loud-able film we’ve seen since Jackass 3-D, but if yer talking actual scripted comedies, then it would be the laughiest riot laugh since 2008’s Step Brothers, but it’s better than Step Brothers, so we’d have to definitely say that 21 Jump Street is the funniest f$%king movie we’ve seen since the 2007 original version of Death At A Funeral!!!!!!  That’s right, yo, it’s taken 5 years to make us laugh that hard again.  You know we’re tough on comedy, but it’s a tough love.  No easy laughs, although we do love slapstick humor, which is kinda the easiest laugh giver of givers.  Anywho, take this paragraph for it’s worth, and that worth is that 21 Jump Street is comedy gold, and will probably end up as one of our favorites of 2012… and it’s only March.  WOW

Credit all involved, from the directors (hot buttery action from bottom to top by Phil Lord & Chris Miller), to the writers (Michael Bacall, who just gave us the crizzazzy Project X, with help from Jonah Hill, giving us the winkiest eye wink that will make you want to wink right back) and to the actors (Hill again, in silly straight man skinny mode, plus playing against type Channing Tatum, playing against type, and the aforementioned usually unfunny Ice Cube being funny, and Rob Riggle, who is also usually not funny also being funny, and Chris Parnell, who is criminally funny, being criminally funny, and it’s a crime in general that he doesn’t work more, cause he’s one of SNL’s best alumnuts, EVER, and a guy who looks exactly like a mini-James Franco cause he is a mini-James Franco, cause he is James Franco’s brother Dave Franco + some slices of Ellie Kemper & Nick Offerman, and finally Brie Larson, who you’ll instantly fall in love with, if you weren’t already, and who’s future’s so bright that she’d put Ray-Ban out of bidness)

So what more do you need to know?  Plot?  There is one.  A very decent enuff one that supports the rest of the funny bidness from becoming udder malarkey bidness

moral of the story – they made a movie out of a TV show that didn’t need a movie, and even if it’s barely sorta like the TV show, it’s better than the TV show, and better than any TV show that was turned into a movie since The Brady Bunch!  BAM!!!!

Fanning Over Dakota: Jess Weixler is fine and all, but we recommend you upgrade to the similiarish looking…

Dakota Johnson

and know who she is?

DON JOHNSON AND MELANIE GRIFFITH’S KID!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

21 Jumps into a theater near jews today!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Lottery Ticket
By The Numbers, But A Winner Nonetheless
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

To us white folk, urban comedies all sorta feel like the same shiz over and over, with a different cast.  We’re sure the opposite is true of white comedies when viewed by non-white folk (and even by white folk!  we certainly believe so!).  So, let’s call a spade a spade (yikes, we’re already digging ourselves into a giant hole here, with our poor word choices, right?) and blanketly state that most comedies coming out of Hollywood, regardless of color, are carbon copy skeletons of thangs that came before, with different skins.  Enter Erik White‘s Lottery Ticket, which is like Friday or Barbershop, where a gaggle of grand performers all get together and deal with some sorta of central plot device, while laughing all the way to the bank (or in Friday‘s case, dank).  Lottery Ticket isn’t very indistinguishable from anything else you’ve ever seen, and yet it was certainly not awful.  In fact, it was totally enjoyable, and even mildly funny, and if you know us, we barely say anything’s funny!

So, what is it all about?  Not so lil Bow Wow works at Foot Locker and lives with grammy (Loretta Devine) and has big dreams of being a shoe designer or something, but will those dreams ever come true?  MAYBE!  Luckily grammy pushes him into buying a lotto ticket, and… THEY HIT THE JACKPOT!!!!  BUTTTTTTTTTT, the lotto office is closed for the weekend and so Bowwie Wowwie has to hold on tight to the ticket and keep this news mum from all the gold diggers (for the hottest one, see below)!  Good luck with that!!!  Words spreads and the neighborhood (including Ice Cube, Keith David, Terry Crews, Mike Epps, Charles Murphy and Gbenga Akinnagbe) gets silly ideas of ghetto fabulousness and stuff and funny!!!  No really.  Luckily (can’t stop using the word ‘luck’!!!) Wowster has a great BFF (the always high-larious Brandon T. Jackson) and lady friend who may end up being more than juss a lady friend (the deliciously plain jane Naturi Naughton, also delicious hotttt in Notorious) to help him keep his feet on the ground while he reaches for the stars!  Not awful! Casey Kasem closed!

¡¡Teairra Del En Fuego!!: gold digger Teairra Mari is in need of some serious goldfingering

three mo oh snaps snaps!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Lottery is juss the ticket today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…