Thighs Wide Shut

they and we used to say ‘Monroe County Dank‘, but now we say ‘Monroe County Thanks’.  thank you Monroe County, for giving us a place to escape after a wild week of American head-shaking and denial.  if there was ever a weekend to get away and disappear into a fuzz of farts and beer, then this was the one  

Monroe County was one of four blue counties in the entire state of Indiana red…

but my blood bleeds blue AND red for the city seat of the county – Bloomington

ahhhhhhhhhhhh Bloomington – the home of my ‘education’ from 1995-1999, and the home of an annual weekend trip where a bunch of dudes I truly love get together and party like it’s (1995-)1999

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMurt3TDZw9/

except our bodies can’t really handle it

but who cares – cause we will ALWAYS give it the old college try!

once again – LOVE THESE FCUKING GUYS!!!

(and the ones who couldn’t make the trip this time)

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMyo1erDBMU/

and we were there to get our game on

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMt-wh6jzyZ/

football vs Penn State live, with an outcome leaving us half empty… like the stadium holding the event

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMuKC2QgORI/

and got to watch the bball Hoosier boys play in Hawaii at our favorite bar

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMsy1ipjCAt/

beer me

onion rings him

sometimes we juss had to wing it

and sometimes we REALLY needed to wing it (our mothers and wives are so proud)

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMuoObqDF2I/

and coat our stomachs with something that looks like glue, but tastes like heaven

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMqN9GEDiEW/

and occasionally, add a few ‘greens’ into our weekend diet

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMsgHX3jhiv/

and then eat incredible cheesy and breaded foods from that bear with boobs!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMsbIYljyvp/

and of course – dig in on one of America’s best non-chain hamburgers

on Veteran’s Day no less – and you can’t get more American than this…

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMrpkeSj9ls/

and you can’t get more delicious than this – as we tried out a NEW place (a very rare thing to do – try something new)!

and said goodbye to some old places (who have moved to a nearby location, but this building was kinda an institution to us)

and we even branched out on more new stuff… like antiquing!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMr3ofnjeXN/

and something I’ve wanted to do since I left…

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMp3NN-h-TQ/

ATTEND A CLASS!!!

and especially this class – which I always got shut out of when registering for in the 90s – but better late than never…

The Music of Beatles by Glenn Gass!!!!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMp7j_BB9XO/

learning never ends

and sometimes lines never end either…

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMvUftdjanJ/

shout out to the IU Art Museum and their awesome Vik Muniz exhibit!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMu7CRvjwKh/

what a lovely fcuking city/town/place Bloomington is

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMsOR1nDUz-/

and even as the world feels like its upside down – the world still turns

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMuyfeqDm4S/

and I’m thankful to be alive, and to have such amazing friendships, that were forged in such an amazing place

life is beautiful

I could go on and on, and spin some more yarns…

but methinks you’d rather wear these NFL tie-dyes than hear more

RANCH FARTS ÃœBER ALLES!!!!!!!!

–

previously…

2015 - Diana, In

2014 – The Union Forever

2013 – Thighwalker Ranch Farts

2012 – Unhidden Valley Ranch Farts

2011 – Ranch DuBois

2011 – #RanchFarts2011

2009 – Herman B. Wells That Ends Well

2008 – Ranch Sauce Farts Part 6 Meets Police Academy Part 6

2008 – Bloomingtales

2007 – Village (Pantry) Idiot

2006 – College of Arts & SciencesCollage of Farts & Appliances

–

bonus…

the trip actually began briefly with a night stay over in Chicago!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMoe00fjsRZ/

where having an Italian beef sammy at 11pm wasn’t nearly enuff to quench my burst

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMnoV4sjHFN/

also had to have hot dogs covered in fries – to begin the stomach stretching the weekend required!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMntqtnjgPz/

and on the way down south – stopped off in Gary, Indiana, and paid love and respect to the Jackson family home

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMoxwxEDVAf/

and if you aren’t following us on Instagram, you may not have known that the Mrs and I were in Indiana (and Michigan) 10 days earlier!

where we…

paid respect to the Rebel

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMMj7b4jNSI/

said goodbye to a Moose

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMNjDonDP3W/

and fell for the fall leaves

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMPSuWvDzTI/

big time!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMRgGtoDfAr/

btw – an amazing time to be on any college campus is Halloween!!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMQQJ-VjcpE/

although there were not as many slutty cats as you’d think there’d be!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMQQddmD226/

looks like today’s kids are more into slutty zombies

love you so much B-town

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMR-MAPDOs4/

5ever

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMP2UJNjEew/

cheers!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMQBhB0DC_T/

and cheers to you MSU campus!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMKl-hdjBUI/

and even to you Michigan fans!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMJ_LnXjARL/

Big Ten = Big Friends!

for the annual Bloomington, Indiana trip, the crew tried something a little different – visit at a time when our ballz won’t freeze, and lemme tell you, it was MARVVVVELOUS!!!!!!!

and empty!!! (I actually played ball there!)

and scenic with a ‘K’, like skenik! (don’t tell anyone we were on the roof)

and there were signs!

in neon too!

and cheap fried things!

and learning!

and 80s Star Wars – in German!!

and dudes with snakes on their neck!!

and MUST-staches!!!!

and dudes juss as cool w/o staches!!!

and bears with boobs that are hot, and off-putting at the same time

and great times, and even greater food

can you smell the farts?

CAN YOU???

you can’t do better than this America!

yep, I filled them holes

and yep, grease is the word, and grease poured out of my butt

bacon anyone?

and Long Island Iced Tea anyone?  warning – you should not drink this, unless you’re a college student and looking to black out in 10 minutes

and yep, the Nats represent everywhere

and Mark Cuban never forgets life before sharks and tanks and being a rich douche

https://instagram.com/p/6az1pfm35T/?taken-by=thighmaster

you’re #1, we’re all #1!!

like what you see?

https://instagram.com/p/6bU05sm35t/

and so concludes #RanchFarts2015

–

previously…

2014 – The Union Forever

2013 - Thighwalker Ranch Farts

2012 - Unhidden Valley Ranch Farts

2011 - Ranch DuBois

2011 - #RanchFarts2011

2009 - Herman B. Wells That Ends Well

2008 - Ranch Sauce Farts Part 6 Meets Police Academy Part 6

2008 - Bloomingtales

2007 - Village (Pantry) Idiot

2006 - College of Arts & SciencesCollage of Farts & Appliances

another year, another bout of Ranch Farts

you know the drill – eat, drink, eat, fart, repeat…

state your case

more like ‘Whitest State Ever’

 –

since we’re all old and billionaires, we stepped up our game
and stayed at the Union

where the views are to die for
but not to diet for

–

the carpets scream redrum

and the eating made for red-bums

–

oh ranch sauce 

men want to be you
and women want you inside of them

–

and oh divine swine

how you make us sin, even though we brought a rabbi with us

–

speaking of
the Rabbi thinks I should do
a gallery show of our ranch sauce pics

fart art?

–

the owner of BuffaLouies is my hero

 

literally, a larger than life
personality – with the wings
to back it up

–

he’s like the second greatest man behind Neon Jesus 

Bobby Knight’s in white ranch sauce

- 

 want to know what lonely is?

this pencil shapener, sitting at the bottom of a stairwell, probably barely used or ever noticed

–

each trip back to Bloomington brings back old memories but sometimes provides new ones

like these amazing headshots of ‘talent’ from the 80s that played Bear’s Place

ah, M&Mc – the dynamic duo to end all dynamic duos

–

I’d choose this guy’s
‘stache in a pinch!

–

more like jester.  off with his head!

- 

who, me???

- 

uh, um, uh?

- 

Banks, so money!!!

–

Weird Yal Ankovic?

- 

me?

- 

yes, me – DJ Tanner of the Mike & Jonah & Terry Milk Show! it’s like 1997/98 all over again!! big ups to BFinx for the tour!!

–

I’m a slow starter / fast farter

- 

but I won a super amazing hat (not pictured) from this crane-game thing

- 

can’t wait for #RanchFarts2015!!!!
the year we juggle!!!

another year passes
another year of gas passing
college still stays the same
but we get olders
but not wisers

man, are we really old

but man, them young chix these days be wearing like nothing more than a bra and nothing

–

Indiana, home to the whitest people you don’t know

theys peoples is
the salt of the pepper

–

and home to the lamest bestest football players ever – EVER!!!

(2 dem being Redskins)

–

and this guy

I signed him to a 9 picture deal to play Howard Taft and the Monopoly Guy and every awesome fatty guy with a mustache

–

and now we enter
the farty food section

–

ZA and WINGS!!!!!!!!

together at last/gas

–

PESTO CHEESE STIXXXXXXXX!!!

at Mother Bear’s!

–

+ onion rings as big as Greeny

and they didn’t even taste good, but they was SO BIGGGG

–

THESE

MIGHT juss be the world’s bestest wings. MIGHT.  no, seriously.
no, 5reals.  no, 9reals

–

YOU’VE BEEN RANCHED

DEAL WITH IT

–

hot sh!ts, only $3!!

personally, I don’t like
to spend more than $2

–

but THIS is where I really
want to go one day

and that negative review is actually the glowingest glowing review ever cause fat people know where to get damn good food that keeps them fat

–

oh college

never change

–

NEVER

and we’ll keep coming back

–

and maybe, juss maybe

we’ll retire in you!
not even jokings
17reals

 

oh, want to relive old ranch fart memories?  CLICK ME!