Thighs Wide Shut

The Artist
Silence Is Mostly Golden
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 100 min

Ah, the era of silent films.  Long forgotten and loved by so few in today’s world of gabfests and explosions.  In the past year we us ourselves have grown a love for the dialog-free flicks that were so flappertastic… which explains why we’ve spent many an hours digging in the past for endless bobbed photos.  The bygone format may have collected dust, but cinema has paid tribute here and there, from Sunset Boulevard, to Mel Brooks’ Silent Movie, to the maudlin madness of Guy Maddin‘s mizzles, and now with The Artist, Frenchie writer/director Michel Hazanavicius‘ loud-quiet love letter that’s sealed with a giant sloppy kiss

The artist in The Artist is mustachioed George Valentin (the dashing and playful Jean Dujardin), a star of the silents, with the look of Douglas Fairbanks, a name like Rudolph Valentino’s, and a ‘talkies killed my career’ tale, that sent the likes of stars Pola Negri, Ramon Novarro, Clara Bow, Colleen Moore, John Gilbert (the list sadly goes on and on and) into early acting retirement.  The sentiment on display is a welcome one, but the story, a little too simplistic.  Hazanavicius, his artist Dujardin, and gal vendredi Bérénice Bejo have driven us down this road before.  If you’ve seen their OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies Bondish spoof [trailer], you’ll know they are more than capable of putting the period pieces together.  And just like with OSS 117, The Artist is a beautifully polished homage with the right rah-rah spirit, but it doesn’t exactly score touchdown after touchdown

STILL, The Artist is worth seeing cause we need to be reminded of that time and that place and of those movies that had no talking, and what happened when their time was up, and it was time to start talking.  And where else are you going to see Uggie the dog doing awesome stuff (sadly no skateboarding) in B&W, John Goodman being loud without saying a word, or James Cromwell being sweet without a pig that talks?  Or find bonus employment for fine folks like Penelope Ann Miller, Malcolm McDowell, Ken ‘Borat’s buddy’ Davitian, Nina ‘sister of Casey’ Siemaszko (see below), Joel ‘brother of Bill’ Murray and Bill ‘Dauber from Coach‘ Fagerbakke??!!  FREKKIN DAUBER!!!  FROM COACH!!!

moral of the story: The Artist is the best silent film of the year, and probably the best silent film since maybe the end of the silent era (both proclamations don’t really say much… or do they???), and you’ve probably have seen zero silent movies, so start with this, and then open Pandora’s Box to all the other silent pleasures that eggsist in the fine history of the cinema. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

SiemaszKOed: wethinks we’re in love with Nina ‘sister of Casey’ Siemaszko. she went from having a license to drive

to having a license to be MAD ADORABLE!!!!!!

and havings a license to show off her assets!!!!!!!!!!!! [NSFW]

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Artist takes up residence in NY & LA this Friday, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…