Thighs Wide Shut

Wreck-It Ralph
8-Bit o’ Honey
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 101 min

Wreck-It Ralph may not eggzactly be the gemmiest of the Pixar gems [editor’s note – turns out this ISN’T a Pixar pic, but a straight-up Disney toon!], but I can’t think of another Pixar toon or any toon for that matter that totally & specifically appealed to me and my endless lust of childhood nostalgia.  Sure, Toy Story is the gold standard of such days gone by but never forgottens, but arcades and video games tickle my ye olde fancy much mores so than Mr Potato Head and that Slinky dog could ever (mainly cause Star Wars & GI Joe action figures were my fav toys and they weren’t really allowed to play with Woody & Buzz).  And while the story of Ralph is all over the place AND THE ARCADE, and at times, a bit too much for the eyes, I was STILL totally game for the gaming being gamed!!!!!  It’s true!  Level passed!

And you know how these modern studio cartoons lean heavily on famous actors to voice the characters and it can be REALLLLLLLLY distracting cause you can’t lose yerself in these characters cause all you can hear and think of is the famous person voicing them?  WELL, that is NOT the case with Ralphy as John C Reilly, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch and Alan Tudyk (AMAZING!) all disappear behind their 8-bit alter egos with such ease that it’s such easy listening!  And even moist incredible of incredibles is the work that Sarah Silverman done does as the Powerpuffy lil girl Vanellope von Schweetz.  We aint a huge fan of the SS, but NOW WE IS CAUSE SHE SO PERFECT AS THE SWEET AND VICIOUS VANELLOPE WHO MAY LIKE BE ONE OF THE MOST FUN FEMALE DISNEY CHARACTERS SINCE LIKE (Miss Bianca?) EVER!  These are truths!

Plus there’s all kinds of awesome video game cameos, INCLUDING THE TAPPER DUDE FROM TAPPER!!!!!  AND EVEN SOME LOVE FOR THE CONTRA SECRET EXTRA MAN CODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   But no love for the kid from The Wizard with the Power Glove??????????????????????????????????????????

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Ralph 1-ups itself at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Three Stooges
Funskull Numbskullery
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 92 min

Making a Three Stooges movie is a recipe for movie disaster, cause Moe, Larry & Curry are Moe, Larry & Curly, and no one else is.  Even when Curly Howard got a stroke and they replaced him with original member Shemp (and later those other stooge yahoos), it was never the same or as good.  So imagine if you have none of those people, but other people playing those people???  Never saw that 2000 TV biography movie with the Shield/Commish, but that trio don’ts really sound like Moe, Larry & Curly, which is kinda a dealbreaker, no?

Well, the recipe for movie disaster has been averted!!!  HOW??!?!?!?  Bobby & Peter Farrelly are a perfectly suited duo to deal with dumb movies, cause any movie about the Stooges has to be dumb.  AND they had the smarts to put non-marquee names in the GIIIIIIIIIANT shoes that had to be filled.  AND Chris Diamantopoulos as Moe, Sean Hayes as Larry and Will Sasso as Curly totally almost really make you believe that they are sorta exactly maybe Moe, Larry and Curly!!!!  While the film is certainly not a non-stop laugh riot act, it is mos certainly enjoyable from start to finish, cause it’s got the dumb dumbed up, the impersonations down pat, and all around juss captures the exact spirit any Three Stooges fan would expect from a Three Stooges movie

Plot?  Who cares!  It’s got nyuks and head slaps and hammer bonkings, and misadventures and misteradventure, and throws in Jane Lynch, Sofía Vergara, Larry David, Craig Bierko, The Jersey Shorers, a gaggle of adorable moppets + Kate Upton‘s body for good measure(ments).  We left out Jennifer Hudson from that list cause she’s got the same level of acting talent as the cast of Troll 2.  Hactually, that’s not even fair to the cast of Troll 2, cause they’re more deserving of an Oscar than her and her singing voice is ever be.  Please, everyone, stop buying her albums and maybe she’ll go away.  Seriously, she must be stopped

moral of the story – they made a Three Stooges movie that is not horrible, kinda mostly funny, and moist importanly, with its heart in the exact right place it needed to be in, which is good enuff for we, and which should be good enuff for you!

CC her!: we should probably post a pic of Katie Ups in that nun-kini, but instead we want to thighlight cutie Carly Craig

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Stooges is Three of a kind at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…