Thighs Wide Shut

caught up on a lot of movies.  no time to devote full diatribes – so quick hitz!

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Skywalker works because it wasn’t The Last Jedi.  You really screwed the pooch Rian Johnson.  Can’t blame J.J. for trying to right/write the ship when he was handed a mess and a mop and bucket, and had the impossible task of moving on with Princess Leia, when you don’t really have her.  Kudos to you J.J.  I knew this would work when early in the film they were like, hey Rose, wanna join us on this adventure, and she was like, sorry, I need to stay back and be thrown in character jail.  I literally cheered out loud when that happened.

When did servicing fans become a bad thing?  This is a continued trilogy of the original trilogy.  We want more of the same.  Save different fom the next non-Skywalker trilogy

Only REAL misfire?  Lando was underused and basically a waste.  Still, he’s one smooth muther fcuker!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

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Hustlers

This movie is a piece of garbage.  You’d think a movie with endless beautiful actresses barely wearing anything, and riding on poles and crotches for almost two hours would be something watchable.  It’s not.  You count down the seconds until these ‘hustlers’ are caught and the credits roll.  Jo-L deserves a Razzie more than a nomination for any actual award of merit.  She’s a talented entertainer, but not even remotely a talented actress.  Cardi B was no better, but I will admit, I enjoyed seeing her Cardi DD ‘talents’ out on display.  Stay away and just read the original article it’s based on.  It’s enuff to get you off

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

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Parasite (기생충)

If a foreign language movie can keep my attention and grab it (on home viewing) – it’s a success, and Parasite is way more than a success.  It’s like Us, but actually well done and meaningful.

Also, it’s two crazed movies within one.  The first half is a melancholy comedic grifter flick, and then when we go into the basement, it becomes a psychological horror show that’s real horrorshow!

Also, that house should get an award for best movie house!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

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The Last Black Man in San Francisco

I love movies that are soulful postcards of cities.  My Winnipeg comes to mind as one of the best I’ve seen this century. Last Black Man in San Francisco isn’t the best, but it has soul, and the postcard is really damn pretty.  Plus, Emile Mosseri’s score is one of the best scores I’ve heard since Michael Nyman’s for Wonderland.  SCORE!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

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Knives Out

Big stars and a whole lot of big nothing. I’m late to the game here but I don’t see what the big deal is.  Sure, we all like large group Agatha Christie whodunits, but this whodidn’t.  It wishes it was clever.  It wishes it was Clue.  It has a nice title treatment, and Ana de Armas is nice to look it.  The rest??? Blow me Rian Johnson.  Wait, blow yourself.  You can tell he had already been doing so with his ‘snappy’ and ‘witty’ script

Verdictgo: Whatever – it’s not Clue

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stay tuned.  more to pun

The Irishman
Unionfellas
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 210 min

There is MUCH to praise about Marty’s latest grand spicy meatball (unbelievable sets and costumes!  DeNiro is best when he is quiet!  Pacino is even bester when he’s loud!  And dancing with women!!  Tommy The Tit IS the tits!!  Lums!!!  that’s what happened to Jimmy Hoffa??  Do I still need to see the Jack Nicholson Hoffa now??  The ‘I know you’re up to no good‘ stare of the young daughter that eventually grows up to become the ‘I know you’re up to no good‘ stare of Anna Paquin!).  And there is little to dismiss.  Sure, it doesn’t pack the intense dramatic swings and badda-blams that Goodfellas or Casino did, and yeah, the runtime isn’t fully justified – the last half hour needed to be condensed into about 3 minutes, but I’m not here for any of this.  I’m here to mention one thing…

Joe Pesci unforgettably played eerily-eye-browed conspirator David Ferrie in Oliver Stone’s JFK

and in The Irishman, Joe Pesci does not play David Ferrie (a guy named Louis Vanaria does), but he namechecks Ferrie as someone DeNiro needs to meet up with – ‘a fairy named Ferrie‘

and this full circledness is my (movie world) everything

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Irishman gets lucky on your Netflixing machines 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

It Chapter Two
Every Which Way But Loser
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 169 min

The casting directors of It Chapter Two somehow decided to NOT go with my choices as to who should play the grown-up losers we first met in Part One.  F’shame.  Winona Ryder would have made an AMAZING grown-up Finn Wolfhard!!  Instead we got Bill Hader as big Finn Wolfhard, who, everyone, including your mother, said ‘steals’ the show. ‘They’ are wrong.  It’s James Ransone who steals the show, as grown-up Jack Dylan Grazer!  So, casting directors, you did GREAT work (even if Fred Savage would have been a solid pick)!

Many people in my screening were bemoaning about how long Part Two was.  Guess they aren’t aware that the book is 9 billion pages long, and that the two movies combined are actually trying their best to tell the story in a concise and entertaining manner

OK, ok, I hear you on a bit of it.  The part where the grown-up losers search individually for tokens does seem a bit winded, but by the time the film wraps up, I wish I spent MORE time with the characters individually.  There’s not nearly enough time in this movie!!!  Yes, it should be longer!!!! 

But is it scary?  Not really, but it is fcuking spooky as heck!  And the CGI monsters they dream up were incredible!  Some of the creepiest Stephen King boogeymen every brought to the screen!!  (with all do respect to the gnarly old naked chick in room 237)

Only REAL problem with It?  We won’t be catching up with the losers club 27 years from now

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

It is pennywise and not so pound-foollish a theater near jews and white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Good Boys
Supergood
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 95 min

This past week I delved into nostalgia, and was blessed to see not one, but TWO beloved Corey Feldman movies IN an actual theater – Stand By Me + The Goonies.  I am happy report that they both hold up, and make me question why such young teen coming of age movies like those don’t exist today (Stranger Things doesn’t count, cause it’s not as great as you think it is.  watch Stand By Me and The Goonies again and you’re basically watching Stranger Things, but like 9319391403912903120391239 zillion times better)

Weeks back I had seen the trailer to Good Boys and said, hey, kids cussing and playing with sex toys that they have no idea are sexual in nature – this may work!  And it’s got the kid from Last Man On Earth and the kid from Room!

Now I’m not saying Good Boys is a modern day Stand By Me or Goonies, but I cared for these 3 kids, their relationships with one another, the adventure they endure, and I enjoyed their cussing and playing with sex toys, even though have no idea that they’re sexual in nature!

It’s basically a younger, more innocent, more funny Superbad

Super good if you ask me!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Boys are damn Good at a theater near jews and white nationalists 

also, these two 5ever please!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw
Built To Fast
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 137 min

8 Fast 8 Furious was a disaster.  Sure, it was fast, and yeah, it was furious, but it ended up being 1 fast and 1 furious way too many for my tastes.  Bringing Dwayne Johnson into the fold changed the dynamic of the franchise for the worse (but perhaps for box office best).  Fast & Furious is no longer about hot cars, hot chicks, and the meatheads who drive and ride both.  It’s now about solving global terrorism… with cars?  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FAST & FURIOUSSESS!!!!

So what to do?  Apparently the right thing – Dwayne Johnson doesn’t need the world of Fast & Furious, and we don’t need him there either.  So use the F&F letterhead and team him up with his rival and let the hi & lowjinks ensue.

Welcome to Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw!

It’s got the F&F attitude, but none of the Vin Diesel battitude!  And it turns bad guy Jason Statham into a good guy!  And he gets to make fun of The Rock the entire time!  And he has a sister – Vanessa Kirby – who roxxxx!!

And the movie is very self-reflexive!  It knows how dumb it is and plays that up!  Cliché upon cliché is clichéd, and it works!

But this movie is 137 minutes too long.  Yes, the whole thing is unnecessary.  After some big fight between our three heroes and the bad guy (Idris Elba), I was like – that’s a good place to end.  I’ve seen enuff.  I’ve enjoyed this dumb aplenty.  We don’t need to continue on, and have more scenes of talking and strategizing and plotting, just to set up another big fight.  But it went on, and it turned into Whale Rider or something, and then we’re introduced to a character related to one of our characters, and then I got really upset

Spoiler alert…

I got upset cause we’re introduced to The Rock’s screen mom, who lives in Samoa, a place the Rock’s character hasn’t been back to in 9ever cause of some pointless beef he has with his brother.  And in a movie where nothing is believable, I actually had a problem in believing this was in-character for the Rock’s character.  The Rock’s character is a big family man.  They always make it a huge point about how he loves his daughter and stresses the importance of family.  So if that is the case, why would he never see his mama?  And hold back his daughter from meeting and getting to know her grammy?  This makes no sense.  It makes no sense especially since the beef the Rock’s character had with his brother is squashed in all of about 8 seconds.  All that estrangement for nothing.  The Rock’s character made his mother sad for ages, and withheld gladness from his daughter as well.  That’s too slow, too curious

Next time, less family, more feud.  And pile on even more clichés!

Verdictgo: dumb, but fun, so I guess… Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Hobbs throbs at a theater near jews and white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…