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The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Dench & Denturesability
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 124 min

Do you love old British people AND India?  Well boy old boy, do we gotzz the movie for you!!!  It’s about old British people IN India!!!!!  The only thing more awesome than that is old Indian people IN Indiana!!!  Not really, and not really either for the movie about old British people IN India.  The old British people IN India movie is called The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and the only thing exotic in John Madden‘s screen take on some book not of the same name is… nothing

The old British people is be Judi Dench (being all Denchy), Bill Nighy (being mildly Nighyyy), Maggie Smith (she looks like walking death, even though she’s wheelchair bound in the flick), Tom Wilkinson (is he old?), Penelope Wilton (wait, that wasn’t Lynn Redgrave?  wait, Lynn Redgrave is dead????), Celia Imrie (she kinda skeeves us out) and some dude named Ronald Pickup (who seems kinda awesome!!!).  These old British people are wooed to the hotel in the title that’s run by Dev Patel, because he needs to co-star in some movie, right?  And guess what, the hotel is not as advertised!!  OH MY!, but wait…

AND GUESS WHAT, THESE GREAT BRITAINERSERS AINT IN GREAT BRITAIN NO MOOOO!!!!  THEY IN INDIA, SO IMAGINE THE FISH OUT OF WATERNESSNESS THAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN OLD BRITISH PEOPLE ARE IN INDIA!!!???  Don’t imagine too hard, cause the movie doesn’t imagine too hard neither.  It’s juss a 2 houred slow ride of old British people IN India, being British, IN India.  That about slums it up.   Zzzzzz???  Kinda, but in a sorta watchable way.  maybe?  DENCHY!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Marigold is kind of a medal below bronze, in limited release tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Debt
Paid In Mostly Half-Full
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 114 min

If Ciarán Hinds is in a movie, we will want to see it, and odds are that the movie will be at least decent.  So what if a movie barely has Hinds in it?  Decency is still possible, and John Madden‘s The Debt, a remake of (what we are assuming is a far superior) 2007 Israeli film, is pretty darn decent stuff.  A little poor in execution-ville, and plenty poor in climax-land, The Debt still had enough going for it to cash in its IOU.  It’s kinda like a ghetto Munich meets The Boys From Brazil.  And even ghettoizations of those revenge on Jewish boogeymen flicks is still something of interest, cause who doesn’t love watching Jewish enemies get their due????  (hactually, we wondered if Hollywood would EVER make a film where Muslims hunted down their enemies who have wronged them.  the conclusion we came to is probably never)

And if hunting Nazis in a non-over-the-top Tarantino kinda way isn’t your cup of tea, well, you can at least revel in the unexpected hilarity of Sam Worthington ‘trying’ on an Israeli accent for size.  Eeeesh!!  The guy’s got a face for cinema and a mouth for duct tape.  Man oh man!  At least they surrounded him with some class act(or)s like (underrated) Marton Csokas and (I’ve been everywhere this summer) Jessica Chastain.  In modern day times, Hinds is Worthington (even though he looks more like Csokas), Tom Wilkinson is Csokas, and Helen Mirren is Chastain in the membrane

So the modern stuff is where we begin.  The trio are far removed from their Mossad agent days and each other, cause they’re harboring some kinda secret.  But when we get shuttled to the past, which is the juicy bulk of the film, when the 2 dudes and redheaded hottie hunt down and capture a Josef Mengele-type jackass (Jesper Christensen).  Things don’t go right, but maybe they do, but not really, cause there’s a DEBT that has to be paid or like finished or something, which leads to the ending that has promise and kinda comes up empty, but it’s kinda satisfying, enough, sorta

Hey, did we mention that Ciarán Hinds is in it???

Hinds Wins: oh, you know nothing of Hinds and want to play ketchup?  See him in Rome, Munich, Veronica Guerin, Life During War Time AND mos def The Eclipse

Verdictgo: a mild Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Debt is cash sorta money, but not really, but kinda, today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…