Thighs Wide Shut

Bad Grandpa
Prank You Very Much
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 92 min

Love me some Jackass movies.  Never want them to stop, ever (even if the bestest Jackasser of them all is dunn and gone).  If I can’t have a full on Jackass flick, I guess any Jeff Tremaine–Johnny Knoxville–Spike Jonze Jackassy joint is better than no puffing at all.  Well, that trio is back with Bad Grandpa, centered around the (not exactly my favorite) Knoxville as 86-year-old Irving Zisman character.  They loosely string together a bunch of pranks into a barely narrative road movie, complete with an rascally adorable grandson named Billy (for your Best Supporting Actor consideration – no joke - Jackson Nicoll).  Some of these pranks don’t eggzactly work, but others do, and well, and some REALLY DO, and VERY WELLLLLLL!!!

Bad Grandpa is no Jackass.  It’s definitely no Borat / Brüno.  It’s not even as bad-mannered as Bad Santa.  And that’s fine by me, cause Bad Grandpa is Bad Grandpa, and what that is – is a fcuking good time at the theater, although this rather un-cinematic film don’t necessarily need to be seen on the big screen – unless you enjoy the company of (nearly) endless uncomfortable laughter

Wait, do you want details from the movie?  The less known, the better, cause who wants to be in on the prank ahead of time?  Prank you very much

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Grandpa is mad GOOD today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Last Stand
We All Is Back
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 107 min

Before Arnold Schwarzenegger semi-retired from acting to become governor of California, he was outputting a bunch of garbage that was very very un-Ah-nold-reffic.  Maybe we needed a break from him, more than he did from movies, but it was no sirprze that he was coming back, and that us, as Arnold fans, would welcome it with girlie-man open arms.   We skipped The Expendables 2, cause #1 was such a piece of sh!t, so our first post-governorship trip sailed with Jee-woon Kim‘s The Last Stand

Last Stand is on par with the junk he was in before he took a break, BUT, it’s a sh!t-ton of fun!!!!  Sure, there’s way too much set-up, about a cartel kingpin on the loose and headed towards the Mexican border in a slick-ass Corvette, but the payoff pays off, in a showdown throwdown to turn all frowns upside down!!  Plus the hammy ham acting fest put on display by Forest Whitaker, Johnny Knoxville, Peter Stormare & Eduardo Noriega actually subdues’ Arnold’s own hammy-ish performance, and it only increases the dumb fun quotient!!  Plus Luis Guzmán & Harry Dean Stanton are in it!!  And there’s eye candy like Zach Gilford & Jaimie Alexander, and…

in the beginning there was

Genesis Rodriguez

&

Christiana Leucas

–

Tabu
River Deep – Mountain High
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 118 min

An old woman (Laura Soveral) is on her last legs, scared of witchcraft and what will become of her beloved crocodile…  that she doesn’t actually have… anymore.  She dies halfway thru the movie (SPOILER ALERT!), but her story is JUSS beginning.  Told in one giant second-half flashback, with narration in the present from her former burning flame (Henrique Espírito Santo with a Werner Herzogy voice), with no dialog, JUSS music & effects, we learn that the old woman was quite the vibrant young woman (Ana Moreira, with eyes that don’t lie!!!)  

She grew up in the wilds of Africa, hunting game, and melting hearts left and right.  She gets married, but then takes up with a suave mustachioed drummer (Carloto Cotta, the younger incarnation of the narrator).  Their love is forbidden, taboo if you will, but the Tabu in the title is a mountain, and it’s worth the climb!!!  Oh, yeah, there’s also a crocodile in the past!  The same one she longs for before she dies in the present!!  But maybe she’s really longing for her lost love!!!  MAYBE!!! 

Bravo Miguel Gomes!!!  Your film is beautiful, poetic, and a dream we never want to wake up from!!  Too bad the first half, with the old woman being old, isn’t as bold as the young stuff in the second half!!!  

Verdictgo: BOTH is Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Stand‘s tall at a theater near jews and Tabu is NOT taboo in limited a release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Jackass 3D
3Deez Nutz!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

About 5 minutes into the 3rd Jackass we started to doubt if this kinda tomfoolery was still a laughing matter.  Had Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, Ryan Dunn, Chris Pontius, Ehren McGhehey, Preston Lacy, Dave England and Jason ‘Wee Man’ Acuña‘s five minutes of pain become passé and irrelevant in a YouTube world?  Then we saw a dude get hit in the balls (not Hans Moleman, nor George C Scott), and fall down (327636 times over), IN 3-D, and then we forgot that stoopid notion faster than we forgot about any movie directed by Jason Reitman!!!!!!!  And from that point on, the sh#t eating grin on our face from watching bros get sh$t upon never left or let up until the very last frame of awesomeness

Girls have Sex & The City, and fellas have Jackass, and lettuce juss say that this is juss one of the many great reasons that being born with XY chromosomes is the key to eternal happiness.  If you only see two 3-D movies in your life make it this one and Step Up 3-D, snatchurally! Everything else is bunk, and everything else doesn’t have punches to the face displayed in dazzlingly shot slow-motion replays.  Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you guys, again and again, for putting your life and testicles on the line for our entertainment.  Please never EVER stop, at least until you lose your testicles

When We Were Princes: before there were Jackass vids there were Big Brother vids.  The skateboarding mag started releasing them back in 1996, and by the time Number 2 dropped two years later, with Knoxville subjecting his body to a world of terror, a revolution of devolution was born, and spankfully hasn’t quit since

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Jackass kicks major a$$ today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…