Thighs Wide Shut

Holy Motors
Un-General Motors
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
NR | 115 min

Nice try Leos Carax, but your film about a guy (Denis Lavant) taking on different roles & disguises for no reason is no Cloud Atlas.  It’s more like Crap Atlas.  It’s more like Inland Empire, but even more pretentious, pointless and worthless.  No, seriously, what is this movie about? Nothing, but this is what happened – the weird role changing guy gets picked up in a limo driven by Edith Scob (she of eyes and no face fame), and goes from place to place being different people for no explained reason and therefore, for no reason.  First stop involves some motion capture sex thing, then it’s off to being that redheaded homeless sewer guy who eats flowers that we previously met in that stupid Tokyo! anthology movie, and this time he’s eating even more flowers and gets to molest Eva Mendes, and then it’s time for the next gig which has him picking up his or someone’s daughter from a party and then yelling at her for being a wallflower, and then it’s time to kill someone that looks like him and then change into his clothing to pretend to be him dead, but then that guy stabs him or something, and then it’s off to be some old guy on his deathbed, and then off to some rooftop to hear Kylie Minogue sing in a crummy wig.  What a night!  OF WHATEVSNESS THAT SUCKS CAUSE IT HAS NO POINT OR PURPOSE BESIDES BEING SOME FRENCH MOVIE THAT ISN’T ALL IN FRENCH THAT IS PURE GARBAGE!!!  Then he finally goes home (as himself, or is it???  who cares!) to his family, a female ape wife and their lil ape child.  Er, um, OK.  Oh, and Holy Motors is a company or something, and at Holy Motors HQ, the limos sleep, and talk!  Limos talk, and no one’s brains will be blown away, cause the movie is taking a giant dump on your brain.  Wish we could sh!t on this movie, cause it’s the fcuking würst cause I said so.  Others think it’s genius, so they deserved to be pooped on too cause they is refarted

Oh wait, I forgot!  There was actually ONE awesome scene in the movie.  Hmmm, strange that I would remember all the dumb ones, but not the awesome one, but anywho, here it is (and yes, it too has no meaning or point, but it’s still awesome)

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Holy Motors is currently not fit to drive in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…