Thighs Wide Shut

Now You See Me
Hand of Sleight
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
PG-13 | 113 min

I love magic.  I love movies. I love movies about magic.   I love movie magic.  I love Jesse Eisenberg, Mark Ruffalo, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher, Mélanie Laurent, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine & even Dave Franco (when James is unavailable).  Wait, all of these things are in one movie????  HOW IS THIS A REAL MOVIE???  But don’t get too excited cause this thing they’re in was directed by Louis Leterrier, captain of the two Transporter movies + Clash of The Disaster + that 2nd Hulk movie everyone already forgot about.  And guess what, don’t get too excited in general, cause the result – Now You See Me – is an illusion of entertainment.  You’ll be tricked into being entertained, but really, the dupe’s on you, dope!  You somehow sit thru this inane routine, and the only thing that’s really vanishing is your time and money  

Sure, Now You See Me isn’t even on the same planet as the UMmazing Prestige or even the usey illusiony The Illusionist, BUT even though NYSM is totally refarted, it is totally totally watchable dumbitity, cause EISENBERG’S NOT STEALING FACEBOOKS! AND RUFFALO LOOKING UNSHAVED GRUFFALOOO!!!!  AND WOODY HARRELSON KNOCKING WOOD (not really)! AND ISLA IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO FINE!!! AND LAURENT IS ALSO SO FINE AND SO CUTE SPEAKING IN ENGRISH!!! AND MORGAN FREEMAN IS SO OLD AND WISE AND HIS SMILES MELT SCREENS AS HE COLLECTS ANOTHER PAYCHECK!! AND MICHAEL CAINE DOES AN AMAZING MICHAEL CAINE IMPERSONATION!!! AND DAVE FRANCO IS LIKE JAMES FRANCO BUT YOUNGER AND LESS LEARNDEDED!!!!  And in nothing roles, they threw in real actors to play them, like that guy Michael Kelly, and Common, and that other that guy David Warshofsky!!

There’s nothing up any sleeves here, but sometimes it’s OK to pull from the bottom of the deck/dreck cause WE’D WATCH THIS CAST DO ANYTHING, EVEN KNIT SWASTIKA SWEATERS!!!

Verdictgo: high end Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Now You See Me sees you today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Beginners
My Small Skinny Gay Dead Father
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 105 min

Christopher Plummer is gay after living a long life of not being gay. Ewan McGregor is his son, who’s never been lucky in love, and just lost his father, not to gayness, but to death. Mélanie Laurent is a hot French chick who may be the key for Obi Wan to BEGIN again, sorta like how his father BEGAN again after coming out of the closet!!!! Welcome to Mike Mills‘ autobiographical Beginners, which is full of beginnings AND endings, and three movies in one that work well together, when usually three movies in one tear a singular movie  apart. What’s the third movie? Lil Ewan and his relationship with his deceased mother, which may hactually be the strongest of the three.  It’s all a funny, loveable and depressing affair, but not too much of any of those, and again, it works all the better because of that.  And that is that.  Where do you begin and this review end?  This review is over, so begin at a movie theater showing this

Crepes of Wrath: Mélanie Laurent is super hot (and JEWISH!!!) and her dad does the following voice overs for the French language version of The Simpsons - Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Ned Flanders, Reverend Lovejoy, Waylon Smithers, Barney Gumble, Carl, Lou, Eddie, Troy McClure, Rainier Wolfcastle, Lionel Hutz, Chalmers, Hans Moleman, Disco Stu, and Duffman … to name a few!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Beginners is currently playing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…