we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2015

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Twelvethie Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

The Trash Humpers Biggest Piece of Humpy Trash Film of the Year!!!!!

Me and Earl and The Dying Girl

this movie makes me so mad cause it tries so hard to be cool and its the furthest thing from coeol, but it’s the closet thing to sucking poop from an ass

_

Most Entenmann’staining
Film of the Year

The Danish Girl

which was sadly NOT about danishes

_

The 6th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK This Joke/Career Muss Be Stopped Now Award

I still don’t get the deal that is

Rooney Mara

(who looks exactly like Disney’s Ichabod Crane)

_

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
She Didn’t Like
Girl of The Year

 

Alicia Vikander

who had 7 flix released in 2015!!

_ 

Gifs of the Gawds

_

Hairing Is Caring

Paul Giamatti as two different assholes
with two different asshole wigs

runner up – the wigs of The Big Short

_

Nice Piece of Glass

Iris Apfel’s and her
endless collection of glasses

_

Cry Me A Rivers

Melissa does mom Joan proud in Joy

_

Bob’s Big Girls
aka
The Bobbies!

these bobs are muy deniro!

_ 

The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

we wants 2eat Courtney Eaton
2 the max

 & 

she’s fast AND she’s furious

 & 

Anne Hathaway’s sweater puppies
in The Intern

&

I’d follows Maika Monroe anywhere

+

Spectrefapping

_

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Scariest Eyes

Johnny Depp’s scary ass
depp blue eyes!!!!

 in Black Mass

_

Würstest Date Movie of 2014

Son of Saul

_

Always Bet On These Lil Shirley Temple Black (& White) Children

Raffey Cassidy

&

Evan Bird

_

Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

The John Hughes Driving Tour I Sorta Invented!

Han Solo Hands Things to Rey

GENE HACKMAN AS DOC BROWN??????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carrie Fisher’s adorable daughter Billie Lourd

THAT GUY is married to a 4 time Academy Award winning costume designer!!!!!

Buddy Ebsen was going to play the Tin Man in the 1939 version of The Wizard of Oz

Major League cards by Topps

THERE WERE FEMALE PILOTS IN RETURN OF THE JEDI!!!

a street called Lois Lane

Margot Kidder is SuperFLY!!!!!!!!

 

Woody Allen toots

Happy 99th Birthday Olivia de Havilland!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Two Women With The Ass Crack Dress

The Kid from Left Field

two VHS tape covers/posters that made me wish I didn’t have eyes as a kid, and STILL creep me out to this very day

The Story of Star Wars 8-track

Funko’s ReAction action figures!!!

+

_

Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates

NWA’s greatest hits

‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ (Violin version) from COBAIN: Montage of Heck

‘You Could’ve Been A Lady’ by Hot Chocolate from Mistress Ameirca

Ellie Goulding – ‘Love Me Like You Do’

the Carol Sountrack

the Joy soundtrack

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 

_

Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

_

Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

The Lady In The Van / Under Milk Wood / 90 Minutes in Heaven / The Duff / Inside Out / The Longest Ride / Trumbo / The Big Short / Run All Night / Boonie Bears: Mystical Winter / Steve Jobs

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Doodles Weaver

& Man Mountain Dean

& Steele Stebbins 

_

Movies To Look For In The ‘016

Bridge of Thighs

Uranus Descending 

The Woman from A.U.N.T.

Untitled Unfunny Judd Apatow Movie

Breasts of Some Nation

Terminator Levitycus

Magic Mike XS

33 Jump Street: Generations

15 Fast, 15 Furious

_

In Memoriam

Spock

Dracula/Scaramanga/Lord Summerisle/Saruman/Count Sudoku

Omar Sharif

Wes

 

Albert Maysles

 

The Other Dick Van + Jerry’s Wife/Ben’s Mom/Anne Meara + THE John Steed + Jason Voorhees’ mom + Stand By Me‘s Milo Pressman

Fagin

Leatherface & Maureen O’Hara

that suave-ass French actor who was in Octopussy

One Crazy Negron
& Rod Taylor and Ekberg

+ the guy who designed this

Dean Jones & Dickie Moore
& Jean Darling

Cindy Mancini

That Woman From Every 80s/90s Movie

Uggie

&

Mister Deltoid

_

don’t forget to peep out our ’14, ’13, ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!! 

if you got this far, pat yourself on the back, then yer balls

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Joy
Mop & Glowing
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 124 min

The Silver Linings Playbook/American Hustle crew is back!  And possibly better than ever!! David O Russell and Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper bring the JOY and the pain in what has got to be the greatest movie that has something to do with a mop and/or QVC – Joy 

Joy is prideful, and joyful, and funny, and mildly melancholy, and 300% fun.  You know the movie is super super dope when it utilizes Robert De Niro talent (in this day and age) and instead of stupefying it.  And you know I aint no J-Law fan, but I love J-Law in this, and thus I love this movie!!

And the story is all true-ish!!!

Joy Mangano is an inventor.  She invented the Miracle Mop

At one point in time, there was no Miracle Mop, and Ms Mangano needed a miracle to support her children, and her ex-husband, and her wacky mother, and her twice-divorced father.  The mop changed everything and this movie is about getting that mop to market and the struggles to get there.  A total underdog story, that you’ll be rooting for from the get go.  Go Joy! Go Joy! Go!!!!!!!!  

Wait, they made a whole movie about a woman who invented a mop?  Well, it’s more than juss that.  It’s about ideas, and family, and things and stuff.  And what a family!!  You couldn’t ask for a more fun and willing bunch of family folks helping her along - Isabella Rossellini, Édgar Ramírez, Elisabeth Röhm, Diane Ladd, Virginia Madsen and the Gadsby twins.  Loved them all.  Makes me wish I was a member of her family so I could hug these people!!!

And the QVC stuff was super cool.  You get to see what it looked like at the beginningish, and things, and stuff, and I think it’s juss so super super super cool and honorable that Melissa Rivers played her mom Joan Rivers, and how eerily alike they look

Did we mention that this movie was 300% fun?  You like fun, right?

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Joy to the world – everywhere on Xmas day

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Peace The Forks Out

to

A League of Her Joan

+

STAT BOY