Source Code
Train Teaser
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Soooooo… there’s a train that explodes outside of Chi-town, and there’s no changing that, but the gov-mint could save future lives if they can figure out the who did it and why did it.  Enter purty boy Jake Gyllenhaal (who gets a lifetime pass from us for being in Zodiac), who’s like some amnesiac soldier tapped in box or something, tasked with finding the answers to those questions.  It’s a serious mission, he knows little about, and it’s an endless mission, that repeats over and over until his superiors (kind AND cold-eyed Vera Farmiga and a bordering on maniacal Jeffrey Wright pulling the strings) get that killer intel they desire.  Ya see, each time he gets thrust into the past, on that doomed train, he has only 8 minutes to dig deep.  Obviously he doesn’t complete the job on the first time (hottie Michelle Monaghan is a unwelcome distraction for him, and a welcome one for us!), and thus the movie is longer than 8 minutes

Just what we’ve all been waiting for: Groundhog Day with explosions!!!  Yesssss!!!!!!  And while some of the sci-fi-y stuff may be a bit too batty for lashing, and there’s sum pasted on sentimentality towards the end, director Zowie Bowie (Duncan Jones) and writer Ben Ripley‘s Source Code is one code worth cracking or breaking or sourcing or decoding or courcing or soding!!!!!!  It is!!!  Swears!!!  Who knew that the kin of David Bowie could truly make it on his own in a non-Will Smith’s children shoved down our throats kinda way!!!  His first feature, Moon, showed that the kid had talent and a cinematic eye (for Kubrick movies), but Code proves something even more important – that he could deliver quality Hollywood-type entertainment with a brain attached.  If you found Limitless to be limited (we didn’t), you won’t with Code

Thursday’s Child: father & son, in what musta been confusing times for the youngin

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Source Code bodes well today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Somewhere
Found In Native Tongue
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Is it OK if directors repeat themselves?  Depends on the director, and depends if the previously rolled joint is worth re-sparking.  Aronofsky’s Wrestler paved the same beaten down road that his Black Swan walked along, and while both are similarly themed, they each stand tall on their own merits (AND stinkin badges!!).  So how about Sofia Coppola basically reworking her (overrated) Lost In Translation into a fractured father-daughter relationship story set against the bright lights and big citydumb of LA’s Chateau Marmont (no virgin to the screen!) & other lush locales??????  We’re sure you’ll disagree, but we liked the round 2 version, Somewhere, much more than we did round 1!!!! Maybe it’s cause Tokyo’s too Japanese or that ScarJo scarblows or Translation juss wasn’t that wonderful a trifle as everyone made it out to be.  Somewhere isn’t the be all, cee all and end all, and Stephen Dorff aint no Bill Murray, but Elle Fanning = elles yea times like 2999290403030!!!!!!!!!  Move over Dakota, cause yer sister is the new moon eclipsing your secret life of bees wax!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come to think of it, Ms Fanning delivers the first real memorable female performance in any of Sofia’s films.  Sorrry, Dunsty, but we don’t remember much about The Virgin Suicides other than the soundtrack by Air, and the same goes for whatever was goings on in the pointlessly anachronistic Marie Antoinette (we upchucked on yer inclusion of Chuck Taylors!!).  Come to think of it again, Sofia’s flicks are all atmosphere and no physical sphere, and that’s hactually fine by us, cause it works for once in the nowhere bound Somewhere!!  It’s kinda like Entourage w/o an entourage (although we get some visits from Chris Pontius, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Monaghan, Alden Ehrenreich & Benicio Del Toro), meets The Royal Tennenbaums, minus 2 siblings and the twee ‘tude + Dakota Fanning’s sister + the guy who was suppose to be the next Christian Slater who was suppose to be the next Jack Nicholson, but they both wasn’ts!!  And the soundtrack rox!!!  Bet you didn’t see that one coming!!!

Back to Fanning!!!!  Oh my oh my my my my my, she is beyond a delight here!!!  A revelation if you will.  A revelation even if you won’t!!!  All she wants is her father’s love and attention, and the guy’s more jaded than a woman named Jade wearing jade earrings while watching the movie Jade for the 281819th time!!  And guess what, the Elle bell gets screen daddy Dorff to break out of his funk, crack a smile, enjoy life, and be an a daddy who cares for once!!  If she can make the Dorfster character care, then you’ll find yerself caring too!!

There was a perfect moment for the film to end, when father & daughter are in a very happy place, basking in the sun poolside, but the movie decides it needs to keep going, somewhere, anywhere, and yet nowhere near as good as that moment.  Oh well moment!  So where does Sofs Coppola go after this?  Same place or somewhere else?  Don’t care, as long as Elle Fanning is the co-pilot

Pole Position: woooowzeerrss!!!!  so much hotness in one movie, from our coast to other people’s coastsests!!!!  where to start?  where to end???

The Shannon Twins

[NSFW] (& their award worthy pole dancing!!!)

Lauren Hastings

Nicole Trunfio

Libby Mintz

Verdictgo:  mos def Jeepers Worth A Peepers, but Elle’s performance almos makes us want to tag it Breast In Showness!!!! ALMOS!!

Somewhere goes to some select cities this Wednesday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

ELLES YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Due Date
No Planes, No Trains, Juss Automobiles
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Calling Due Date a newish Planes, Trains & Automobiles is no original notion, and no, there isn’t a ‘those aren’t two pillows’ moment, but if you’ve seen P, T & A then you’ve seen Due Date, but that aint necessarily a bad thing.  Decent comedies are tuff to come by in this post-ironic age and another P, T & A is eggzactly the thing we need.  Go Todd Phillips!  Did we hactually juss write that about this no frills director (who gives himself a lame cameo here)?  We did, and we’re sticking to that, for now.  How much you’ll like Due Date squarely falls on how much of a Zach Galifianakis being Zach Galifianakis fan you are.  If yer a mild to HUGE fan, then let the fun begin.  If you aint, then you should probably make a date elsewhere, cause this is a Zach attack!!!!!

Robert Downey Jr has the thankless straightman role of being an a$$hole to Galifianakis, but someone has to do it, so why not have it be done by one of the single greatestestestsst actors alive????  The two get into a world of trouble and a lot of fun on the road, for no better reason other than the script demands that they do.  Sure, some of the journey includes a bunch of dumbness and unrealistic side tracking, but it matters so little when the Bearded one/wonder nets more laughter here than he did in The Hangover. Ed Helms was an equal victor in Phillips’ last joint, but Zach shows he can shine when the spotlight is cast solely upon him.  His schtick seems like it will never grow old.  And if it does, then someone else of Greek decent with a beard will juss have to step up and take his place.  Hopefully that will never happen

The moist sirprizing aspect of Due Date is that it’s got plenty of heart to counterbalance the pot jokes and masturbating dog.  It also has Michelle Monaghan, Jamie Foxx, Juliette Lewis, Danny McBride and RZA as helping hands, and yet, no help is necessary when this is one giant sloppy wet Galifianakiss!!!  He was long overdue for a showcase, and so was we.  Win-win!

Shaven For Nobody’s Pleasure:  what ZG looks like w/o a beard

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Date is Due today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…