Viola Davis

Naomie Harris

Nicole Kidman

Octavia Spencer

Michelle Williams

Smashed
Post Drunk Love
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 85 min

Mary Elizabeth Winstead is adorable.  This is a general statement, and has nothing to do with James Ponsoldt‘s Smashed.  In Smashed, MEW is a school teacher by day, and an alcoholic by night AND day.  One day she vomits in front of her students.  Then she tells the students that she’s preggers as a cover, and realizes she has a problem, a BIG problem, BUT HER PROBLEMS ARE JUST GETTING STARTED, but maybe her problems are just getting started to getting solveded!!!!  Her husband is also a drunkard, and is played by Aaron Paul, who had to stretch real hard to play someone who’s really fcuked up.  Supporting MEW are TV players and real-life hubby-wife duo – Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally.  Offerman sports a mustache and speaks softy, like he does on TV.  Mullally speaks cheerfully and endlessly, like she does on TV.  Octavia Spencer shows up too, cause some movie needed to hire her after winning an Oscar.  It’s actually kinda sad, cause what kinda roles is Spencer gonna get?  Endless supporting ones?  Someone make a movie for this woman!  Anywho, this movie is MEW’s movie, and she egggggcellently carries what’s barely there to a predictable, yet satisfying finish.  Bottom’s up, while bottoming out! MEW!!!

MEW has the best eyes ever.  maybe.  really.  probably

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

take a sip of Smashed in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Help
Maid In America
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 137 min

We’re not super big on southern styled movies revolving around sassy women doing sassy things in sassypants (never have seen Steel Magnolias, Driving Miss Daisy, or Green Fried Tomatoes), but we do like us some sappy movies that make us cry and semi-revolve around pie and fried chicken.  The Help is just such a movie, but this one’s got a message, about dicey race relations or something, but with a hope for a better tomorrow, or something!!!  And guess what, WE LOVED IT TO TEARS!!!!!!!!!  NOW FEED US SOME FRIED CHICKEN, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Based on the runaway bestseller of the same name by Kathryn Stockett (that we haven’t read a word of, snatchurally), no-name writer/director Tate Taylor takes the story about the stories of two black maids (stoically solid, and Oscar-worthy Viola Davis, and an outrageously enraged Octavia Spencer) and the one white woman (not even fugly wigs can make Emma Stone un-hot/awesome) ‘brave’ enuff to tell their stories, and makes all these stories about stories of stories well worth telling and watching… even if they never happened, and even if some have accused the movie of candy-coloring & white-washing elements of the Civil Rights era.  So what if Skeeter (Emma Stone’s stoopid character’s name) is the white vehicle for these oppressed black women to be courageous and let them have their say?  It’s a freakin movie, and one, FOR ONCE, that’s appealing to both white AND black audiences!!!  Name another movie that is… that isn’t a crummy Eddie Murphy movie!!!????

Maybe The Help is lame, and we’re juss over-loving it cause it’s a summer Hollywood movie without any superheroes, and we’re beyond sick of summer superheroes.  Or maybe it’s not lame cause The Help has super heroes, but the only special powers they use are kindness, caring and compassion!!!!  (this review is starting to sound as sappy as the movie is, but WHO CARES!????).  Maybe The Help works cause Julia Roberts isn’t in it?  Maybe cause it juss looks great and feels right?  Maybe cause peeps like Bryce Dallas Howard, Jessica Chastain, Allison Janney, Cicely Tyson and Sissy Spacek are supporting acting the sh#t outta it?????  Maybe the movie is juss a great fracking movie, with tenderness, laughter and has pie AND fried chicken in every 5th scene????? MAYBE!!!

Maybe we need help, but maybe you need to see The Help

Help Wanted:  here’s someone we’d like to see in a French maid outfit – former James Franco flame…

Ahna O’Reilly

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Help helps itself to a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…