The Irishman
Unionfellas
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 210 min

There is MUCH to praise about Marty’s latest grand spicy meatball (unbelievable sets and costumes!  DeNiro is best when he is quiet!  Pacino is even bester when he’s loud!  And dancing with women!!  Tommy The Tit IS the tits!!  Lums!!!  that’s what happened to Jimmy Hoffa??  Do I still need to see the Jack Nicholson Hoffa now??  The ‘I know you’re up to no good‘ stare of the young daughter that eventually grows up to become the ‘I know you’re up to no good‘ stare of Anna Paquin!).  And there is little to dismiss.  Sure, it doesn’t pack the intense dramatic swings and badda-blams that Goodfellas or Casino did, and yeah, the runtime isn’t fully justified – the last half hour needed to be condensed into about 3 minutes, but I’m not here for any of this.  I’m here to mention one thing…

Joe Pesci unforgettably played eerily-eye-browed conspirator David Ferrie in Oliver Stone’s JFK

and in The Irishman, Joe Pesci does not play David Ferrie (a guy named Louis Vanaria does), but he namechecks Ferrie as someone DeNiro needs to meet up with – ‘a fairy named Ferrie‘

and this full circledness is my (movie world) everything

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Irishman gets lucky on your Netflixing machines 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Snowden
Villians, Heroes, Ones & Zeroes
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 134 min

Edward Snowden and his story must be told, as many times as possible.  It has been told thru the news, endlessly, and then again, personally, in the vital doc Citizenfour, and now Oliver Stone takes his crack, and you’d think it would be all kinds of crackpot-ted, but it’s actually crackerjack!

In fact – Stone’s Snowden is his best film since 1995’s Nixon!  Woah, that’s a long-ass time ago, and yeah, he’s kinda made nuttin but crap since then (although I thighly recommend his TV show ‘The Untold History of the United States‘), but maybe Ollie needed to circle the wagons before he could find himself again – railing against the system, while telling a good story

When watching Stone’s post Nixon output, I kept saying to myself – these don’t feel or look like Oliver Stone films.  They look like sh!t and they feel like a$$.  Maybe Ollie’s done with the 60s and 70s, but we weren’t done with Ollie’s 60s and 70s, but Snowden shows that in the 10s, and with the 1s and 0s, he can make a modern Oliver Stone movie that works, and one that we can be at peace with… while it’s at war, with the world!

As for the movie? Joseph Gordon-Levitt IS Snowden.  If you’ve seen Citizenfour (and you should), you’ll think that G-Levitt nailed it as Snowden.  And Shailene Woodley as his love interest?  She makes things lovely, and interesting, adding well needed humanizing to Snowden’s story, which I didn’t really expect from Stone, or from a spy story that mainly involves keyboards and monitors!

And the rest of the cast?  Outside of Nicolas Cage‘s oddly restrained role as a burned out g-man, Melissa Leo (nice and quiet), Zachary Quinto (forever intense with those eyebrows), Tom Wilkinson (nice Scottish accent!), Scott Eastwood (so glad we’ll have someone that looks like Clint for decades to come), Timothy Olyphant (always a jerk), Ben Schnetzer (keep an eye on this guy), Keith Stanfield (another one to watch), and Rhys Ifans (always a prick, always amazing) all help to shine a much needed light on the darkness that lies behind keeping our enemies at bay

Plus, most people aint gonna see a documentary, so it’s important that thee fictionalized movie gets it right, cause more people will see it, and this movie gets it right, and more people need to see it!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Snowden snowDOES it right, currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

dude, you know how gay I am for JFGay, right??? well, if you didn’t, now you know, and I JFGayed the sh!t out of JFGay last nite, catching Oliver Stone’s 3+ hour director’s cut in a theater!! (dude, those 3 hours went by in like 3 minutes. NO JOKESESZ!!). Sadly, none of the extra footage including more JFGayness, but still – there is be no better movie with 3 letters in it, and without JFGay, there would be no Zodiac, and without Zodiac, this planet aint even worth living on. Anywho, all I have to say is…

the best movies are the ones that permanently instill images on yer brain for life, but sometimes the images are not eggzactly things you really want imprinted on yer brain for life, even of the movie is phenomenal

take Oliver Stone’s BRILLIANT and jarring JFK for example.  and no, we’re not talking about the endless shots of our 35th President getting plugged in the head, back and to the left, repeat, repeat, repeat.  wees talking about the gayest and creepiest gayest and scariest gayest scene in a movie that we’ve ever did done did seen…

this is the orgy scene where Clay Shaw (Tommy Lee Jones) and David Ferrie (Joe Pesci) and ‘Willie O’Keefe’ (Kevin Bacon) get all Barry Lyndon and FTD florist guy dressed up and do blow and blow each other, and it remains THE gayest AND creepiest gayest AND scariest gayest scene in a movie that we’ve ever EVER EVVVVVVVVER done did did seen, ever.  we saw this when we were 14 and haven’t seen anything creepyscarygayer than this, AND DON’T WANT TO (although we did walk out of Fellini’s Satyricon, which was plenty gay, but we walked out of the movie mainly cause it sucks).  in fact, if I WERE gay (we’re actually only 1/16th gay IRL), I’d probably keep myself from being gay cause this JFK orgy scene scared me straight fo life.  hooray for boobs!

lesson? no idea, but if I ever do run into a shirtless golden Tommy Lee Jones in my travels, I’m gonna slit my eyes out and cut off my penis