Thighs Wide Shut

Green Book
Opposites React
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 130 min

Need a hug? A good laugh? A reason to feel good about humanity, and how we can overcome our differences to find common ground?  Or how about a chance to smile, like endlessly?  You can have all of this AND MORE by watching the candy-colored Hallmark movie-esque, but always fabulous Green Book – easily one of my favorite movies 2018.

How is this so?  It’s a serious subjected movie directed by There’s Something Dumb and Dumber About Kingpin‘s Peter Farrelly (leaving his brother Bobby at home).  The first act is filled with more New York-Italian stereotypes than if Chef Boyardee and Mama Celeste starred in a Ragu commercial.  Whatdamattawitchu???  Once we leave the stereotypes behind in New Yawk, and meathead Viggo Mortensen starts driving sophisticated musician Mahershala Ali around the deep south, in a time when African-American men know better than to travel down there, does the film’s magic really begin.  And once that magic starts – it never stops, casting some sort of spell on you until it’s time to get up and go home!

Wow – I love this movie.  I really do.  It’s truly a ‘feel-good’ flick, and one we really need right now.  And it’s all true!  Mortensen plays a bouncer named Tony Vallelonga (who later became an actor himself, Tony Lip, with parts in Goodfellas, The Sopranos, Donnie Brasco and a slew of other gangster related movies) who was hired to drive and look after Ali’s classical pianist Don Shirley on his concert tour thru the Dirty South.  The ‘green book’ in the title is an actual guidebook African-Americans would use so they would know where they could stay overnight, as many places were not so friendly with their ‘whites only’ policies.  And while race is always an issue in the film, it doesn’t over-envelope the proceedings like you think it would.  And even when Tony and Don run afoul of locals along the way, it never goes too far, keeping things nice and light.  Light is good.  You want dark, watch Mississippi Burning.  Want a movie where a white guy sells the virtues of fried chicken on a black guy?  Who doesn’t?  This movie is finger-licking AWESOME!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Book opens today in limited release and everywhere next week

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Three Stooges
Funskull Numbskullery
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 92 min

Making a Three Stooges movie is a recipe for movie disaster, cause Moe, Larry & Curry are Moe, Larry & Curly, and no one else is.  Even when Curly Howard got a stroke and they replaced him with original member Shemp (and later those other stooge yahoos), it was never the same or as good.  So imagine if you have none of those people, but other people playing those people???  Never saw that 2000 TV biography movie with the Shield/Commish, but that trio don’ts really sound like Moe, Larry & Curly, which is kinda a dealbreaker, no?

Well, the recipe for movie disaster has been averted!!!  HOW??!?!?!?  Bobby & Peter Farrelly are a perfectly suited duo to deal with dumb movies, cause any movie about the Stooges has to be dumb.  AND they had the smarts to put non-marquee names in the GIIIIIIIIIANT shoes that had to be filled.  AND Chris Diamantopoulos as Moe, Sean Hayes as Larry and Will Sasso as Curly totally almost really make you believe that they are sorta exactly maybe Moe, Larry and Curly!!!!  While the film is certainly not a non-stop laugh riot act, it is mos certainly enjoyable from start to finish, cause it’s got the dumb dumbed up, the impersonations down pat, and all around juss captures the exact spirit any Three Stooges fan would expect from a Three Stooges movie

Plot?  Who cares!  It’s got nyuks and head slaps and hammer bonkings, and misadventures and misteradventure, and throws in Jane Lynch, Sofía Vergara, Larry David, Craig Bierko, The Jersey Shorers, a gaggle of adorable moppets + Kate Upton‘s body for good measure(ments).  We left out Jennifer Hudson from that list cause she’s got the same level of acting talent as the cast of Troll 2.  Hactually, that’s not even fair to the cast of Troll 2, cause they’re more deserving of an Oscar than her and her singing voice is ever be.  Please, everyone, stop buying her albums and maybe she’ll go away.  Seriously, she must be stopped

moral of the story – they made a Three Stooges movie that is not horrible, kinda mostly funny, and moist importanly, with its heart in the exact right place it needed to be in, which is good enuff for we, and which should be good enuff for you!

CC her!: we should probably post a pic of Katie Ups in that nun-kini, but instead we want to thighlight cutie Carly Craig

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Stooges is Three of a kind at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…