Thighs Wide Shut

The Next Three Days
Prison Broken
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Elizabeth Banks has the ultimate angel/devil smile, and often employs it to keep us guessing as to which one she is.  In Paul Haggis‘ messy, yet whole heartedly entertaining The Next Three Days (a remake of a 2008 French film of a different name), that patented Banks grin is on full display, and we can’t seem to figure out if she’s a cold blooded murderer of a co-worker or an innocent loving mother and wife.  Well, her hubby Russell Crowe knows she’s incapable of being a monster (or is sheeeeee????), and after exhausting ever possible legal option to get her released, he turns to plan b: BREAK HER OUT!!!!!  He’s no expert on the subject, being a community college prof and all, but luckily the guy (Liam Neeson, for all of 1 scene!) who wrote the book on it is, and so Crowe picks his beautiful mind (get it???) and then stuff happens!!!!!!  Most of this stuff is preposterous, and borders on recockulous, and all the secondary characters (Olivia Wilde, Brian Dennehy!!!!, RZA, Kevin Corrigan and Trudie Styler???) have about as much character as an extra with no lines, but still, once this thing gets going, it gets going, and it is so mad tense to like the tense degree!!  And it all takes place in Pittsburgh!!!!!  PITTSBURGH!!!!

Holy Moses!!!!: Moran Atias is Hebrew for ‘please touch my kosher wiener now‘

google has plenty on her work of body!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Three Days condors today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Due Date
No Planes, No Trains, Juss Automobiles
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Calling Due Date a newish Planes, Trains & Automobiles is no original notion, and no, there isn’t a ‘those aren’t two pillows’ moment, but if you’ve seen P, T & A then you’ve seen Due Date, but that aint necessarily a bad thing.  Decent comedies are tuff to come by in this post-ironic age and another P, T & A is eggzactly the thing we need.  Go Todd Phillips!  Did we hactually juss write that about this no frills director (who gives himself a lame cameo here)?  We did, and we’re sticking to that, for now.  How much you’ll like Due Date squarely falls on how much of a Zach Galifianakis being Zach Galifianakis fan you are.  If yer a mild to HUGE fan, then let the fun begin.  If you aint, then you should probably make a date elsewhere, cause this is a Zach attack!!!!!

Robert Downey Jr has the thankless straightman role of being an a$$hole to Galifianakis, but someone has to do it, so why not have it be done by one of the single greatestestestsst actors alive????  The two get into a world of trouble and a lot of fun on the road, for no better reason other than the script demands that they do.  Sure, some of the journey includes a bunch of dumbness and unrealistic side tracking, but it matters so little when the Bearded one/wonder nets more laughter here than he did in The Hangover. Ed Helms was an equal victor in Phillips’ last joint, but Zach shows he can shine when the spotlight is cast solely upon him.  His schtick seems like it will never grow old.  And if it does, then someone else of Greek decent with a beard will juss have to step up and take his place.  Hopefully that will never happen

The moist sirprizing aspect of Due Date is that it’s got plenty of heart to counterbalance the pot jokes and masturbating dog.  It also has Michelle Monaghan, Jamie Foxx, Juliette Lewis, Danny McBride and RZA as helping hands, and yet, no help is necessary when this is one giant sloppy wet Galifianakiss!!!  He was long overdue for a showcase, and so was we.  Win-win!

Shaven For Nobody’s Pleasure:  what ZG looks like w/o a beard

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Date is Due today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…