Thighs Wide Shut

Happy 24th Lohan/hag!
FU & yer fire crotch, and Shaq-Fu and a coo-coo Kung Fu?!?!

[via Levittown]

Us 80s DC metro kids alls know that this is the greatestist commercial of balls thyme (sadly, not a link to the actual commercial), but did we, and the rest of you jerkfaces from st elsewhere, know that the spot above, where a methed out Fraiser is trying his damnedest to sell the world on Shaq-Fu: THE VIDEO GAME, is 2nd breastest of gaul’s lime? I consider the uploading of this ‘mercial my biggest contribution to the internets mt EVERest/olive!!

BONUS FU: the fu-iest fu-sic video for the ultimate in fu-llaboration: The Fu-Schnickens & Shaq-Fu gettin all ‘What’s Up Doc? (Can We Rock?)’ e-fu-ed!!

• Ice-T AND Body Count is both coming out wit NEW albums?!??!SE#@#@@2!!! [source matz] WH—AAaAT??!!t5t1!!yes!!! One is called Murder for Hire and the other is Gangsta Rap. If you can quess which deep title belongs to which artist and are the 3751223485th person to email me your answer, I’ll buy you one medium thin crust pizza from Domino’s! And if that’s not enuff grate news about meaningless old things that rock, New Edition is reuniting for the 15th time so Bell Biv and DeVoe can pat their rent, but THIS TIME with Bobby Brown on board, who also needs to pay his rent!! Wow, maybe they all should make a NEW EDITION of the Rent movie cause the one we got SUCKED. Get it, a NEW EDITION, cause they’re New Edition and I want them to make a NEW EDITION of the movie Rent cause thereir’s will be better than the one with all the stoopid white people who sing instead of earning a paycheck. STOP SINGING AND HAVING SNARKY ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES AND STOP SINGING!!!!

• I’d be down with a Pumpkins, ‘rillaz, Stripes second night of ‘chella

• Cause like Doggy Poo [trailer], sometimes dreams really DO come true: Free Marissa shirts (+ Falkor’s sister with Hitler’s fruit of choice)! [apparel american via Chillary G]

• So is having HFRT CC THE IV on The OC my next wet dream come true like Jude Law making out with Damon Albarn, with a soundtrack by Pasemaster Mase?

• Merry belated peace the fork out to President David Palmer. Hopefully you got some killer Allstate Life Insurance!!! And may the YMNTD.com be with you, ballways [via Mega Man/Van]

• Merry war the spoon in to Nixon Pt II: President Logan aka llon Tandro aka Dr. Dysek aka Captain Sopek!!!

• Ziyi Zhang totally wants to 2046nine it up with Slim Shadeball

• ClintonPortis.com’s collection of Clinton Portis Characters [via Mr I-495]

• IFC Films secured the US theatrical rights to a movie that maybe 4,876 people would want to see (including me, annie + 1, and 4,873 hipsters)

• The Fiddler should quit blogging and juss make eyelicious art things with album covers all ze time

• celebrity rebus – part 1

• Hottest Significant Other Tournament, Savory 16

• Little Urchins, for when you want yer baby to oh, well, whatever, nevermind.

• Can you peoples stop taking pictures of me in the park while I’m reading A Catcher In The Rye

• 25th Anniversary AllSportsMarket.com DeLorean Give-Away

• Many a FREE screenings to the next Pied Piper of Perabo adventure

• This one is for TK Stack Money: Who’s responsible for naming the planet Uranus?

• THE goal

• Coca-Cock-a? [SFW via Navi’s Unibrow Universe]

• Sorry I couldn’t be of service for the one earthling searching for “Nick Goings’ eyebrows”. To make it up to you, here’s an old link of an old man with old eyebrows doing what he does best: being old

• And