2013 was a pretty weak year for movies, but life outside of the theater trumped life inside of it (I met the love of my life! and it’s a woman!  so I’m not gay!).  anywho, some movies were still better than garbage, and they is…

The Thirsteen Thirteen

1) Room 237

Shining on some crazy diamonds who put more thought into thinking about the Shining than anyone ever needed.  But once you hear these batshit crazy theories, you cannot unhear these batshit crazy theories, and you may juss go batshit crazy yoself

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2) The Wolf of Wall Street

It’s like Goodfellas and Casino‘s younger, hipper brother

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3) Her

Spike Jonze’ love story digitally penetrates!!

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3) Captain Phillips

Taking hostages on screen AND off!!

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4) All Is Lost

A better silent movie than The Artist

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5) The Great Gatsby

A little party never killed nobody

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6) The Hunt

Mads for Mads Mikkelsen

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7) The Stories We Tell

Do Tell

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8) Salinger

Trashy tabloid junk… that I couldn’t get enough of.  But what about the ‘pee in a jar’ rumors???

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9) My Father and The Man In Black

Cash-ed & carry-on, for the wayward son

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10) Spring Breakers

more of a feeling than a movie, and a dirty one at that, but it inspired us to actually do something with video on the internets!! 

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11) Short Term 12

All Brie, no cheese 

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12) Cutie and The Boxer

Starving for attention artists in residence

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13) Our Nixon

Nixon bindess with pleasure! 

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and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

42
The Armstrong Lie
Bettie Page Reveals All
Blue Caprice
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Enough Said
Fill The Void
Frances Ha
Mandela Long Walk To Freedom
Nebraska
The Past
(first 1/3 of) Place Beyond The Pines
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Rush
Saving Mr Banks
The Source Family
The Spectacular Now

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wanna second opinion?  future Mrs Thigh Master weighs in!  

(poor girl saw more movies in a theater this past year than probably ever!!!)

Best Movies 

5. Short Term 12

4. The Wolf of Wall Street

3. Dallas Buyers Club

2. Captain Phillips

1. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Runner up –

‘Best’ [meaning WURST] Movies  

5. Inside Llewyn Davis

4. The Book Thief

3. Don Jon

2. Upstream Color

1. I’m So Excited (Los amantes pasajeros)

Runner up –

The Sapphires

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

Short Term 12
Foster The People
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 96 min

Never really thought much about foster kids, or where foster kids live when foster kids aren’t in foster homes.  Destin Cretton did me AND you a favor, and then some!  He expanded his 2008 short film Short Term 12 (a short term home for… foster kids!) into a 2013 feature length gem, loaded with beautiful performances by anyone who appears on-screen.  Mucho mucho love goes out to Brie Larson, who finally gets to show off her stuff, when all she’s really shown before in past work is how adorable she is.  Well, she’s still super adorable here, but she does a lot less smiling, cause there’s not a lot to smile about.  As the supervisor for a bunch of at-risk foster kids (standout work by Kaitlyn Dever and newcomer Keith Stanfield), she’s trying her best to keep their hopes up, when there’s not really much hope to be kept up on.  Helping is her tender boyfriend John Gallagher Jr (the un-hatable Jim Halpert guy from Newsroom), and the two know what they’re doing, being products of dysfunctional and foster childhoods themselves, and if they can make something of themselves, then dangit, they’ll make something of these foster kids.  And dangit, you should see this.  And dangit, Brie Larson is such a cutie-pie McGee.  And dangit, why aren’t I Mr Brie Larson?  DANGIT!!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Term is endeared today in NY & LA and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…