Thighs Wide Shut

Plaza Mayor
es one of the mos fabuloso places in the world

it’s like Times Square
with less Germans and electronic crap!

where one can always eat al fresco

or eat like Al Roker!

this bear kissing a tree
is the symbol of Madrid

and me kissing yer mom’s pechos
is a symbol of how gay yer dad is

es el Parque del Buen Retiro

it’s like Central Park with less horse poop
and 98% more Spaniards

although there was mad sol goings on
we did get to see some Spanish clouds

and since they allow smoking in mos places
this is also whata lotta ceilings looked like

at noche, Madrid is still a place to be seen

yet we couldn’t find any whores
to partake in a 3some

our trendy modern hotel was fit for a queen

that is for a queen who likes hard beds
and hard cocks, like mine

the King’s crib can’t be beat

and his throne
is totally worth takin a dump on!

Madrid’s gotz a lotta killah works of art

and even a museum owned by Tiffani Amber

Egypt gave them this in exchange for
the secrets of Taco Bell

what a gypt!

who doesn’t love cock?

or Le Coq Sportif?

sadly this sign is about fireman
and not about boom boxes

or as they call em in England
‘ghetto blasters’

Barcelona may be all Gaudi-ed up

but Madrid has its share of gaudy architecture

a flamenco show is always a muss!

even w/o the great Don

we took a lil day trip

and all I can say is

HOLY TOLEDO!

every darn cute street
gave me more eye-orgasms than looking at

The Burial of Count Orgaz

¡BITES!

if you worship the pig
than Spain’s the place to be

even for bad Jews like me!

cause anything that’s suckling

will never suck

esp if it’s where Hemingway ate often

and is supposedly the oldest restaurant in the world!

kinda pissed I missed the opening of
No Country For Old Men
back home

but made up for it by dropping by
Javier Bardem’s sister’s joint
for some chorizo

olives are a huge local fav

and never the pits!

I aint no fan of tapas on our shores
cause it’s one giant scam
cause they make u buy 383283 plates of midget food

but in Spain
it’s not only plentiful
but delciousful too!

even if it looks like the dump
I took on the King’s throne

these peoples eat churros y chocolate for breakfast!

but sadly, I’ve had better ones in Cali

and before we go
what would an American tourist’s wrap up be
w/o typical American pics of American things
that look kinda trost in lanslation…

what, Krusty Burger wasn’t rip-offish enuff fo ya?

the Thigh Mistress couldn’t deal with the Spanish food

and yes, they had like 8 zillion Stabucks too

apparently they also love chicks
with chests the size of 5 year old boys!