Tag Archives: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Premature Immaculation

Lovelace
Where They’re Against Her Will, There Is A Way
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 93 min

lovelace

Poor Linda Lovelace, I mean Boreman – an innocent girl born to overbearing Christian parents, who met the wrong man (Chuck Traynor), which led to 17 days of working in the porn industry, which led to a lifetime of infamy, and pain and suffering.  Even more poorerer – the biopic treatment created in her image, which is trying to change her image from porn star to porn victim, like she tried dones doing herself.  The material is rich (think Star 80, without murder), and so were the performances (, showing range AND her boobs!! + good sleazy work by  &  + saddy sadness by an uglified  and a crying ! ), but there’s juss not enuff penetration of who Linda Lovelace/Boreman actually was here to justify you whipping out your cock wallet.  It’s one long tease, with little to show for it.  Linda Lovelace deserved a lot better in life, and in her first cinematic treatment too.  Maybe the other Lovelace movie that Lohan got kicked off of will do what Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman‘s flick didn’t.  Lovelace dicks around the outside of Deep Throat.  You want in? –  juss re-watch Inside Deep Throat

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Lovelace is loveless currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Guillermo del Bore-o

Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark 
Boo?
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 99 min

Don’t worry about being Afraid of The Dark in Guillermo del Toro‘s remake of the TV movie from 1973 [watch this clip] cause you won’t be, not for one dang second.  GdT didn’t direct this new version (Troy Nixey did), but his imprint is all over it – read: not scary and contains cheesy CGI creatures who wreak havoc on our protagonists, and our eyes, as they roll over and over.  What’s the point of a scary movie if it isn’t scary?  And what’s the point of having Katie Holmes and look-a-like tyke Bailee Madison be in the same movie if they aren’t mother and daughter (she’s Guy Pearce‘s kid)?

Book A Like: all movies can’t be as smart as director Forest Whitaker’s(!!!!) First Daughter (from a story by Jerry O’Connell!!!!!), which cast Margaret Colin as the mother of bitched at swirther Holmes slice

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges 

Afraid you won’t be at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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