2013 was a pretty weak year for movies, but life outside of the theater trumped life inside of it (I met the love of my life! and it’s a woman!  so I’m not gay!).  anywho, some movies were still better than garbage, and they is…

The Thirsteen Thirteen

1) Room 237

Shining on some crazy diamonds who put more thought into thinking about the Shining than anyone ever needed.  But once you hear these batshit crazy theories, you cannot unhear these batshit crazy theories, and you may juss go batshit crazy yoself

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2) The Wolf of Wall Street

It’s like Goodfellas and Casino‘s younger, hipper brother

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3) Her

Spike Jonze’ love story digitally penetrates!!

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3) Captain Phillips

Taking hostages on screen AND off!!

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4) All Is Lost

A better silent movie than The Artist

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5) The Great Gatsby

A little party never killed nobody

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6) The Hunt

Mads for Mads Mikkelsen

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7) The Stories We Tell

Do Tell

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8) Salinger

Trashy tabloid junk… that I couldn’t get enough of.  But what about the ‘pee in a jar’ rumors???

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9) My Father and The Man In Black

Cash-ed & carry-on, for the wayward son

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10) Spring Breakers

more of a feeling than a movie, and a dirty one at that, but it inspired us to actually do something with video on the internets!! 

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11) Short Term 12

All Brie, no cheese 

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12) Cutie and The Boxer

Starving for attention artists in residence

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13) Our Nixon

Nixon bindess with pleasure! 

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and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

42
The Armstrong Lie
Bettie Page Reveals All
Blue Caprice
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Enough Said
Fill The Void
Frances Ha
Mandela Long Walk To Freedom
Nebraska
The Past
(first 1/3 of) Place Beyond The Pines
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Rush
Saving Mr Banks
The Source Family
The Spectacular Now

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wanna second opinion?  future Mrs Thigh Master weighs in!  

(poor girl saw more movies in a theater this past year than probably ever!!!)

Best Movies 

5. Short Term 12

4. The Wolf of Wall Street

3. Dallas Buyers Club

2. Captain Phillips

1. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Runner up –

‘Best’ [meaning WURST] Movies  

5. Inside Llewyn Davis

4. The Book Thief

3. Don Jon

2. Upstream Color

1. I’m So Excited (Los amantes pasajeros)

Runner up –

The Sapphires

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

The Hunt
Feely Touching
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 115 min

First, let me get this out of the way - Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen!

Yep, we’re mad for Mads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why?  Cause Mads Mikkelsen is the greatest Danish actor of his generation (sorry Viggo Mortensen), and maybe ever (I can’t name any more Danish actors).  Danish people have known this for awhile, and now the rest of the world is madly falling for Mads.  He caught most of our eyes with bleeding eyes in Casino Royale with cheese, and sold me even more when his Igor got Coco-ed, and cemented my heart fo life when he did the impossible and made Hannibal Lecter his own on TV’s Hannibal.  There is nothing Mads cannot do, besides maybe play someone who isn’t awesome, cause it’s impossible for someone so awesome to play someome so unawesome

In Thomas Vinterberg‘s The Hunt, Mads is someone who is awesome, and everyone knows it, but then something supposedly happens and then everyone in his small town doesn’t think he’s so awesome, but they’re wrong, cause that thing that supposedly happened didn’t and Mads is innocent and awesome until proven otherwise.  So what is this thing that happens?  Mads is an elementary school teacher who loves his students.  One of them, Klara (Annika Wedderkopp), a daughter of a dear friend, takes a real liking to him.  One day she gives her teacher a little kiss and teacher Mads explains that that’s not what little girls should do, so the little girl is quite upset by this rejection by her teacher (who wouldn’t be – this is MADS we’re talking about) and in the midst of her mad/sadness tells the principal that Mads is a bad man and then the principal starts thinking bad thoughts of a male teacher and his female student and one thing leads to another and now the town’s in mass Mads hysteria and starts accusing poor Mads of doing even more bads .  WHY DO YOU DO THIS DANISH TOWNSPEOPLE????  THIS IS MADS!!!  HE WOULD ONLY HURT OR TOUCH PEOPLE THAT DESERVE TO BE HURT OR TOUCHED!!!  LIKE JAMES BOND!!!!

Where does it go from here?  More bads for Mads.  But what if Mads get cleared of his bads, will he ever truly be in the clear, or be forever hunted?  Pray for the prey, and see Mads hand in one of the year’s best performances. DO IT AND GO MADS!!!

MADSSSSSSSSSSSS-NESSS!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

This Hunt is on in NY/LA tomorrow and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…