Thighs Wide Shut

Reverend Eric Camden
committed the wurstest
sin of them all:
¡exec-producericide!
on
Aaron F. Spelling

1923-2006

pee es – lass noche @ the Bowery B-Room, Keane kicked more major glass than Major Dad kicking Major Payne’s a$$! Megbot and I totally rocked out with my cock out like I was at a cock fight with John Holmes. Ms Mod and her mum were there and they are both so modern and so was The Music Snob, although he was pretty snobby and humping everyone’s leg in sight, and Fran Healy was there too and I told him that I loved him, and Zach Braff was there too, but I didn’t talk to him, but if I did I wouldn’t have told him that I loved him, and even the great Donald Faison was there and no one was phased on as much I was, cause I had my phaser set to FUN!

i didn’t bother bringing a camera cause i knew that The Mod Squad would

• So what does Lohag The Wurstest The I do as a follow-up act after getting dumped on her no-longer frumpy fanny by the King of Kings, me? Oh, you know, take her daily skankbot meds, gets into talks about bastardizing Swiss Family Robinson and even lets Robbie Altman, aka the Crypt Keeper, grope the back of her thigh!! Well you can keep her Cpt Boring of 2 and 1/2 Hour Movies cause I’m more over her than I am of Jay Mohr doing Roger Moore impersonations!!! And I have more important things to do these days then berate and hate on her, like taking off my borscht belt, whipping out my balalaika, and having Maria Sherry-povich keep my comrade warm. Damn son, I really don’t know how lucky I is, cause I’m back to my roots, I’m back in the USSR. Btw, me and the new Mrs are thinking of reviving Rasputin from the dead so Dakota has someone to play with!

• Happy 40th belated B-day to the Slurpee, and congrats to the city of Winnipeg for being devoid of everything, cept holding the distinguished honor of Slurpee Capital of the World!! But ENUFFFFF with all this 7-11 talk comin from my finger banging tips!! Nows I wanna give some qwik, yet much needed, props de leon to the far superior frozen (non-alcoholic) beverages that constantly filled my young pie-hole: the Slush Puppie and the Icee. NOT EVEN A CONTEST SLEVEN!!! But I guess the BMOFD (Big Man of Frozen Drinks) had the last laff as the places I had to go to get said drinks, High’s for my SPs and Woolworth’s for Is, are either nearly extinct or have peaced the fork out. Howeski, our story has a some what happy ending. During a college break, I worked at a country club’s snack bar and Lohan and behold, they had a Slush Puppie machine. It was probably the best summer romance I’ve ever had. I mean, we got friendly down in the sand!! So why not d-lode ‘‘Summer Nights‘.

• Borat spotted in and around NYC

• I’m sorry, but paying $30 to see the Arcade Fire and $35 for the Killers is just plain wrong. For that price, there would have to promise of live porking on stage [NSFW].

• TWS.org, the only place in America that gives a damn about this whole Charlotte Church/Shirley Bassey gassey mess. In today’s episode CC takes over for mum in the nasty werds category.

• Peaches & Pete would have scarier children than John Kerry and any of these guys.

• Where did the phrase “I’ve got dibs” come from?

• Sauerkraut Wrestling Proposed For Lawmakers [via Mr Poon]

• Moving Mannequins [via Monkey]

• And sadly, it looks like Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski will never live happily ever after cause Tiffani-Amber ‘Senior’ Thiessen had to go and get hitched!! Don’t worry Z-man, cause I bet her younger sister Nicki still sweats you!! In memory of this very sorrowful day, her wasted career and huge bazoombies (that appeared outta nowhere!), I shall post my mos flavorite snappage of Tiff, which coincidently was one of the 1st semi-nudie pics I ever d-loded off the internets… before it was even called the internets!! I know it’s a bit NSFW, but hey, so is this site so stop czeching it out at work, k?

– SAAB (Small And Animated Boobs). NSFW (Not Safe For Work). TTMMFNSA (The Thigh Master’s Mos Favoritistits New Site Around). [via Cefle via Metafilter]

– Really lame Urban Legends. [via Site With That HORRIBLE Logo]

– The Steelers’ logo and why its only on one side of the helmet all hexplained here! [via Ask Yazoo!]

– Alaska could have been the next Netherlands.

– ‘Kemosabe’, not racist.

– The Missouri El Tigres’ men’s b-ball squad were smacked with 3 years probation, but no ban on tourney play. Quin Snyder could not be reached for comment cause his nose was deep down in a pile of blow. Let it be known that Quiny, with the Leonardo DiCap hair, be the only person associated with the Dukies that I remotely respect.

– Liquid Heroin Found in Fruit Juice Boxes. I think these be those long lost/rumored juice boxes that were suppose to end up in Jonestown, Guyana, instead of that wicked cyanide Kool-Aid.

– Flash animation at tits wurstest, starring Ted ‘The Million Dollar Man’ DiBiase (best watched wit sound). [via Mr Flip] Speaking of WRASTlin’, is it juss me or did anyone else not know that Miss Elizabeth died last year? Everyone snap into a Slim Jim on her behalf and bewhole.

– Buy a the mix CD pieced together by Grandaddy’s Jason Lytle and you can win a mix cassette! WOW! Now all the winner has to do is find a tape player!

– Add Macca to the Band Aid III line-up.

– Select yous, sign up for free passes to see Natalie Portman play a stripper in Closer or Geoffrey Rush looking eggzactly like Peter Sells in The Life & Death of Peter Sellers. And for you EnWhySeaers, pick up free passes to see Bridget Jones II, Seed of Chucky, and Brett Ratner’s latest piece of crap.

And some final political fizz…

– Now that Puffy’s mission of getting famous skinny people and Democratic NYers to vote is over, maybe he can resurrect Nintendo’s Skate Or Die!

– Single and want to move to Canada pronto? Click me! Or contact Cutie Canuck Paige. [via My Democratic Man Marvkus]

– You thought G Dub won yesterday? Boviously you were mistaken. The map don’t lie peoples! Major congratrelations to The Peabs & The Coz!!! I can already hear the ‘4 more years!’ chant, but…

– Who you puttin yer money on in 2008? Here be