Thighs Wide Shut

Saving Mr Banks
A Spoonful of Genuine Sweetener
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 125 min

How did Mary Poppins go from page (wait, it was a book???) to screen, Disney style?  ALL YOUR QUESTIONS (mostly) will be answered in the Disney studio approved John Lee Hancock flick Saving Private Mr Banks.  Who Mr Banks?  He’s a character in the book/movie, AND HE NEEDS SAVING!!!!!  Walt (a very Walt Tom Hanks) has his own ideas of what to do with him and the rest of the book, and so does his script writer (Bradley Whitford – who I still hate from his a$$hole days as the enemy in Adventures In Babysitting and Revenge of The Nerds II), and the songwritring Bros les Sherman (a game Jason Schwartzman, and an always lame BJ Novak – why Hollywood, WHY would you cast him in ANYTHING???), but the original author PL Travers (prim and overly proper Emma Thompson, who is no stranger to nanny flicks) aint having none of it – no songs, no cartoons, no Van Dyke, no color red, no nonsense!  Ya see, Poppins and Co are like family to her.  OK, so what about her own family?  We learn all about them and her upbringing, running concurrently with the story of the 20 year struggle to make this Poppins movie happen.  Travers sure loved her dad (Colin Farrell), a banker with a vivid imagination, and a livid love for drinking.  He wasn’t perfect, but he was dad!  And we’ll learn how that related to Poppins, and who Ms Mary P was actually based on!  But the real question is, will the Disney folks (or even limo driver Paul Giamatti) get PL to p(ul)l a smile out of her dourpuss sourpuss face????  Dude, it’s Disney, of course they will, and it will happen to you too!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Saving Mr Banks is money at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Captain Phillips 
A Must SEA
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 134 min

Captain Phillips is a real person.  Some really really real sh!t happened to him.  Fo’real.  Five’reals.  999999’reals.  None of us would ever want to walk/sail a mile in his poop-deck shoes, even if the stuff that happened to him didn’t happen to him.  That’s probably why none of us are captains of cargo ships that pass thru ye dreaded pirate alleys of today.  Who be the pirates of today?   No, they aint from Pittsburg, they from Somalia. It’s a poor country, and sometimes people go to such extremes that they have to hijack ships and demand money and stuff.  This is what happened to Captain Richard Phillips and the crew of the Maersk Alabama.  But Captain Phillips wouldn’t let any harm come to his crew or cargo or ship, so he saved them all by putting himself in more danger.  What happens next is either something you already know or (hopefully) not, but either way, Paul Greengrass‘ rivitinglisciously-rousing panic-stomach-knot-inducing 134 minute thrill ride movie is BEYOND required viewing, especially if you consider one of THE best films of the year to be something you should probably see

Cap’n P is embodied by our generation’s Jimmy Stewart – Mr Tom Hanks, but I don’t think even Jimmy Stewart could pull off what Hanks does done in Greengrass’ grassy knoll (whatever that means).  You know Hanks can play any type of character (usually nice dudes), and will make whatever character he plays instantly likable and believable, but Hanks has been taking on such blah roles for most of the past decade.  Don’t think he’s won our heart this much since he got lost as Viktor Navorski in the horribly amazing The Terminal.  But what Hanks does in Phillips isn’t just his best work in a decade, it’s one of his best pieces of work period.  Yep, right up there with Gump, Woody, Josh Baskin, Jimmy Dugan, and whomever he played in Philadelphia.  Wow, just wow.  Still being wowed just typing the word ‘wow’ when describing Hanks in Phillips

But Hanks isn’t even really the star of the movie.  He literally takes a backseat to the four dudes who play the pirates.  Every single one of them should be given awards, parades, a street named in their honor, and probably some food, so they aint so dangs skinny.  Oodles of kudos galore go out to Barkhad Abdi, Barkhad Abdirahman, Faysal Ahmed and Mahat M Ali (with the bestestest forehead-afro combo on planet earth).  They scare the Captain & crew onscreen, and us off screen.  I’m sure they scare themselves juss looking into a mirror.  Look at this gif below and tell me you aint scared of that man and his barely fingers!!?!??!?!  Can he even pick up a fork????  Doesn’t matter, cause he picks up our eyes and keeps them glued to his

Verdictgo: beyond Breast In Show

Captain Phillips sets ails and sails into a theater near jews today

Ship Mates:  filming happened on the Alabama’s sister ship, the Alexander Maersk 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…