Tag Archives: Traci Lords

Lords Only Knows What I’d Beat Off To Without You

16. Sep, 2015 2 Comments

lords

lord2

man, that 1984 Summer Olympics logo was so hotttttttt!!

la olympicvs tee vons olympics

(on Traci Lords’ smoking body!!!!!!)

All Posts, Clothing, Hotties
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The Devil Is In The Details Magazine

20. Oct, 2009 2 Comments

Antichrist
Antiwatchable
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Forget about every other sentence that appears in this review, cause in this first sentence we will tell you all you need to know about Lars von Trier‘s latest slit yer eyes out repoopfest:
IT IS ONE OF THE WORSTESTESTESTEST FILMS OF BALLS THYME SO DO NOT GO AND SEE IT NO MATTER WHAT OR TWAT (UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR SPOUSE TO DIVORCE OR KILL YOU) EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY BE CURIOUS FROM ALL THE HULLABALOO BEING BALLOED ABOUT IT BUT YER REALLY BETTER OFF STAYING HOME AND SELF-MUTILATING YOUR OWN PRIVATES THAN PAY TO WATCH CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG SLICE OFF A PIECE OF HER VAGINA WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS BUT NOT BEFORE SHE DRILLS A HOLE INTO WILLEM DAFOE‘S LEG AND PUTS A WEIGHT ON IT SO HE CAN’T MOVE AND THEN JERKS HIM OFF WHICH LEADS TO BLOOD AND NOT JIZZ SQUIRTING OUT OF HIS JOHNSON FOR NO GOOD REASON OTHER THAN IT’S THEIR WAY OF GRIEVING FOR THEIR DEAD CHILD AND SO IF THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF ENTERTAINMENT THAN FEEL FREE TO GIVE MONEY TO LARS VON WTF-IER SO HE CAN KEEP ON MAKING CRAP ON A STICK AND STICK ON A CRAP (ALTHOUGH HIS DANCER IN THE DARK IS NEITHER CRAP NOR A STICK) THAT LOOKS VERY ARTY BUT ARTY IN MORE OF A FARTY KINDA WAY AND DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE WE SAID A WOMAN CUTS OFF A PART OF HER VA-JAY-JAY CAUSE YOU CAN MISS IT BY NOT SEEING THIS MOVIE WHICH IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST AND EVEN IF YOU HATE CHRIST THIS IS AN INSULT TO THE REAL ANTICHRIST WHICH IS BRETT RATNER BUT IF BRETT RATNER DIRECTED THIS MOVIE IT HACTUALLY MIGHT HAVE BEEN LESS PAINFUL ON THE EYES AND THIGHS!!!!!!!!!!!!! and here’s yer second sentence: the above may contain spoilers, whoops!

Liquid Jesus: the opening scene is probably the only semi-watchable part of the whole enchilada, but only cause it reminded us a forkload of them criznazzy Calvin Klein Obsession ads (sadly SNL’s Compulsion by Calvin Kleen aint on the nets)

Verdictgo: without a doubt Slit Yer Clit Off Repoopulous

Christ spits hellfire in NY/LA/SF/DC only this Friday, and elsewhere hopefully nowhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

All Posts, Movie Reviews
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