Thighs Wide Movies 2005

16. Jan, 2006 3 Comments

Top TENenbaums
But We Does
A Dirty Dozen
This Year

this movie jewed me down!!

1) Munich
2) The Squid and The Whale
3) Crash
4) Everything Is Illuminated
5) CrÃ³nicas
6) Mysterious Skin
7) Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room
8) Me and You and Everyone We Know
9) Brokeback Mountain
10) Dear Frankie
11) Match Point
12) The Island

Many A Honor Blackmanable Mentions: Downfall, North Country, Constant Gardner, Paradise Now, Ballad of Jack and Rose, Bee Season, Sin City, Junebug, Cinderella Man, Breakfast on Pluto, Pride & Prejudice, 2046, and My Summer of Love

Mooovies I Really Wanted To See But Never Did: Dark Water, Kingdom of Heaven, Lord of War, The Weather Man, The New World (it was out in 2005 for 2 seconds), and The Legend of Zorro (regardless of how bad they say it is)

2nd Annual
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

They Coulda Been A Contender

is this brando or dan newbower?

Walk The Line
Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy
The Interpreter
The Brothers Grimm

Bestest Quote

he needs to quit givin himself HJs when thinking of denim

Jack Twist: [referring to Ennis] I wish I knew how to quit you.

Wurstest Quote

Yesssssssssssssssssssssss!

Darth: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
[YTMND: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7]

M Night Shamalamadingdong’s
BratWurstest Twist of The Year

WTF dot corn!!
[GIFt via XANA Claus]

The Woman Being Chased By The Killer
IS THE KILLER
in
Haute Tension
i guess i didnt review it,
oh well!

Guiltiest Pleasures Starring HRTnesses
That Made Me Pleasures Myself
Guiltily

i had more jazz in my pants than there is in all of new orleans

Domino & House of Wax

World’s Mos Pointless Movie About Sewing That I Forced Myself To Watch Only Cause My Parents Paid For My Admission

SEW DARN SNOOZERIFIC

Sequins

Funniest Movie of the Year

n/a

Better Luck Next Year!!

CGI That Binks ~~Stinks~~
Wurser Than Jar Jar

General Grievous
& his Ã¼ber annoying nagging cough

Tatum O’Neal
Youngin Bestness Award

you were so best that yer father had to beat you AND bang diana ross

Flora Cross & Georgie Henley

Mos Thumbcredibly Beautiful
Yet Confusing Movie
About A Year Since
2001

i wish there was a year called TURK 182

2046

Replacer of Carrot Top
As Chief of Box Office Poison

someone drive this levy to the levy and throw him over!!

Eugene Levy
as seen in
The Man
Cheaper The Dozen 2
& the straight to video American Pie: Band Camp

Bestest Impression of a
Wes Anderson Soundtrack
From A Movie
Produced By
Wes Anderson

‘Family Conference’ [d-lode]
by Dean Wareham & Britta Phillips

BratWurstest 20 Minutes
of A Speilbergo Movie Ever

a scene of aliens ordering baskin robbins woulda worked better

Andy Dufresne
in War of The Worlds

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

in Botros Botros Gali we thrust!!

Romola Garai
Haguy Wigdor
& Skandar Keynes

Trailers That Got Me
Mo Jazzed Than Jazzercise

i'd like to jazz from hand jobs from their jazz hands

Narnia (teaser)
Sin City (trailer 1)
Domino
War of the Worlds
Ths Island

Songs From Trailers
That Make Me Want To Smoke
Bongs With Norman Mailer

reading if fundementalist

‘Changes’ [d-lode]
by 2PAC
from Coach Carter trailer

‘The Wings’ [d-lode + remix]
by Gustavo Santaolalla
from Brokeback Mountain trailer

‘Jesus Walks’ [d-lode]
by Kanye West
from Jarhead teaser

‘Put A Spell On You’ [d-lode + more]
by Creedence
from The Ballad of Jack & Rose trailer

‘Nirvana’ [d-lode]
by El Bosco
from Millions trailer

‘God Moving Over The Face Of The Waters’ [d-lode]
by Moby
from Syriana trailer
& Heat, One Day In September, and the new Jack Bauer/Intel/Mac commerish

Hotness I Never Knew Eggsisted
But Spankfully Do Now

thigh master's angels

Camilla Belle
Carey Mulligan
& Nicole Vicius

The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious/Wurstest Movie
That I Watched Wit Trent

take a bow as i show a bow and arrow into yer head!!!!

A History of Violence

The Only Reason To See
Into The Blue

i'd like to water her hole

Alba’s Ass In Water

The Only Reason To See
The Fantastic Four

SPANbest!!!

Alba’s Ass In Spandex

Not The Only Reason To See Sin City
But Should Be

chaps lips

Alba’s Ass In Leather
+ Lasso Goodness

Bestest Movies I Netflixed

Porniest Names
My Genius Brain Ponyed Up

chloe is my stage name

On Your Knees Season
(Bee Season)
MÃ¼nchen Box
(Munich)
Scatman Crothers Begins To Jazz’s All Over Yer Momma’s Face
(Batman Begins)
My Elevated Shaft In Your Swallows
(Elevator To The Gallows)
A Hysterectomy of Violence
(A History of Violence)
BangRon (Jeremy): The Dirtiest Sluts In The Room
(Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room)
George Teague Bangs Ordinary Gentleman
(League of Ordinary Gentlemen)
Mysterious Skin
(Mysterious Skin)
House of Wax Dat Ass
(House of Wax)
The Cockcicles of Hornyia: Laying The Bitch On The Whoredrobe
(DUH)
Grizzly Man Tits
(Grizzly Man)
2046nine
(2046)

The Death to Smoochy Award
for Worstest Picture of the Year

the smooch of death

Be Cool
Stay
Hide and Seek
Boogeyman
The Amityville Horror
& The Aristocrats

Movies To Look For in 2006

probably would have made a better movie

a rose by any other name...

5 Fast, 5 Furious
Swiss Miss, Gang Bang
Mmm-Bop: Hanson Warriors
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Wilburys
Howl, Harold, & Kumar Move Into White Castle

Me saw something close to 100 movies in the theater this year. How’d you do, losers? Or were you too busy listening to that Sufjan Stevens album to go see anything? Fine, be that way. But don’t fergot the ’04, the ’03, and the ’02, or Papa and Mumsy Master’s picks for the ’05! They have grrrrrrrrrrreat taste… snatchurally/boviously, they is my parents

Movies Mumsy Ejoyed
1) Brokeback Mountain
2) Mysterious Skin
3) Crash
4) Capote
5) Breakfast On Pluto
6) The Squid and The Whale
7) 5 way tie* Paradise Now, Off The Map, The Edukators, King Kong, Ladies In Lavender

*She could not separate cause she thought all these movies are on the same level

Mumsy’s Worst Movies
Bewitched
Land of the Dead
The Brothers Grimm
Fun With Dick and Jane
“Sorry Jim–Why did you pick this film to star in?”
– Mumsy Master

Mumsy’s Most Disappointing
Charlie And the Chocolate Factory
“Sorry Johnny Depp–You didn’t play this character well.”
– Mumsy Master

Papa’s Frtias
1) Touch the Sound
2) Murderball
3) Dear Frankie
4) Breakfast on Pluto
5) Paradise Now
6) Mysterious Skin
7) Hustle & Flow
8) Memory of a Killer
9) 3-Iron
10) Sin City
11) Go for Zucker

Papa’s Props
Best Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Best Soundtrack: The Squid and The Whale
Most Disappointing (not the worst): Duce Bigillow
Does Europe [sic]
Best Holocost Film: Ninth Day
Most Twists: Dot the I

Hope you enjoyed that folks. As we say goo-bye, I’d like to send out some boos to the Golden Globes, the NFL Playoffs, and anyone who puts Wedding Crashers or The 40-Year Old Virgin on their Top Ten lists.