Poop After Peeing

Burn After Reading
Fire Safety In Numbers
Trailers & Mo

If the Coen Bros never made No Country For Old Men, and Burn After Reading was the movie that followed up their uninspired, rudimentary Intolerable Cruelty and spirited, yet underwhelming Ladykillers, then it would be without question that their filmmaking skills were in serious decline. Yet, we can’t think like that cause No Country did happen, and in a huge way (4 frickin Oscars, a David, a Sierra and even a Saturn!), re-establishing them as geniuses for the longtime fans and putting them on the map for the other people with woolite over their eyes for the past two decades. BAR may be a minor work in the Coens’ canon, but coming off No Country, it’s nice to be treated to one of their fun and frivolous little diversions littered with their usual quirky characters and crazy capers, regardless if it all adds up to something meaningful or not. Sure, BAR aint in the same league as Raising Arizona and Lebowski (happy 10th anniversary!), but we’ll take the Coens’ Ocean 8 (with Malkovich and his endless use of the word ‘f&ck’ edging out Brad Pitt and his hair as the film’s main draw) over any of Steven Soderbergh’s three lifeless and narcissistic all-star fests. Still, the Coens’ do share one thing in common with Nerderbergh: an inability to make us love George Clooney, even if he can grow a beard that looks similar to ours and Jack’s

Pushing Daisy: Satan’s Alley has got some competition for bestest faux film of the year with the Dermot Mulroney-Claire Danes rom-com Pushing Up Daisy, which makes several apperances in BAR. The Coens’ even filled out all the credits on the poster, tapping Sam Raimi as the director and basing it off of a Cormac McCarthy novel [USA TooGay]

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Righteous Kill
The GodAWFULFather
Trailers & Mo

Imagine watching Dexter (for those of you missing out on one of the breastest shows on intellivision, Dex is a forensics expert who moonlights as a serial killer of really bad peoples who escape justice), minus the style and substance, and you don’t know which character is Dexter (we’re led to believe that Robert DeNiro’s the killer….), and by the time it’s revealed (…but there has to be a twist at the end, so guess who ends up being the killer????), you’re either too bored to death or too deathed to bored to even care. That purty much sums up Righteous Kill, the Italian-American equivalent of The Forbidden Kingdom, another 2008 flick that paired two former box office titans on the same screen, about 10+, or in this case 20+ years too late (we won’t count their 9 seconds together in Heat). The only good to come out of this mano e causing mono is the revelation that in this day and age, Robert DeNiro is by far the more annoyingierer actor of the two. We know that sounds more ludicrous than Ludacris eating only Luden’s cough drops, but it’s truly true. Juss compare and contrast their recent resumes (see Pacino in The Insider and The Merchant of Venice if you haven’t already). This movie blows more than all the blow-up dolls found in the Blow-Pop factory in Blowlivia. They shoulda burned this film after making it, cause if you end up seeing this hunk o skunk you’ll want to burn yer eyes after viewing. No real big sirpize here, coming from director Jon Avnet, who last wasted our and Al Pacino’s time earlier this year with the inept sloppy thriller 88 Minutes. We wished that giant mess was only 8 minutes long, but compared to Righteous Borefest, it’s Citizen Kane II!!

Fists Like A Glover: Avnet can eat our choda, but we’re glad he keeps casting hottie Trilby Glover (she was in both 88 and Righetous). if she and Juno’s BFF Olivia Thirlby merged into one person they’d be Trilby Thirlby (or Olivia Glover for you lame-wads). here be some niiice snaps of Alicia Silverstone 2.0 in Maxim. and here’s one of her with Chevy Chase

Verdictgo: Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

both films are currently playing at a theater near jews

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…