Yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Training Campy
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

If you were a boy and grews up in the 80s then you will mos likely revel and howl out loud in the dumb fun that is the long long long time coming live-action big screen edition of G.I. Joe. If you somehow missed out on the 80s phenomena that was overloaded with action figures, TV shows and comic books (all so so so so grrrrrrreat), then here are two reasons why you should jump in sight-unseen, head first (the head being the one in your pants)…

Sienna Miller and her cleavage as the Baroness!!!!!

unfortch for us, the Baroness didn’t bare ass!!!

and Rachel Nichols and her clevelands as Scarlett!!!!!

you might remember her as the green bizatch that Capt’n Kirk fizzle flazzed with in the new Star Trek flick

Oh what, that hot-ta-ta-ness was snot goodnov for yous? What if we told you that it was 69 thymes butter and entertaings than both Transformer flicks, and G.I. Joe didn’t have one single robot in it (remember, Megan Fox is a robot too)??? TIS TRUE!! Big ups to you poopmiester Stephen Sommers!! This refarted awesomeness even tops the refarted awesomeness that was your first Mummy movie!!! What makes Joe work hispecially so well is its awareness of how campy AND crappy it’s being, but plays it straight from start to finish (thanks to some real thespians like Christopher Eccleston as Destro, Saïd Taghmaoui as Breaker, Jonathan Pryce as the Prez, Dennis Quaid as Hawk and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander… tellin ya, he’s like Heath Ledger Jr). The effects, CGI and fight scenes (the Paris bit being the forkin bomb-diggity) are so beyond belief that you end up being blown away beyond belief, while laffing all the way at its ludicrousnisity!! Sure, there are some striking similarities with Team America [St Elsewhere] and the plot borrows heavily from the world of Star Wars: epic sword fight duels (between the kick ass Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow and Ray Park/Darth Maul as Snake Eyes, although Snakey with leather lips was kinda odd), deeply scarred men looking for revenge (guess who?), and so on and so forth, including a trip to an underwater world (thankfully w/o the blabbering blubber that is Boss Nass), but who frakin cares? It was probably better for them to steal ideas from flicks that worked than to try and come up with new ones that woulda sucked!! Even the lughead actors (Channing Tatum as Duke, Arnold Vosloo as Zartan and Marlon Wayans as Ripcord) step up to the plate beautifully and did what them din done had to do (the corny jokes are so perfectly corny!!). And sure, there were a bunch of Joes and Cobras we would love to have seen, but with a promising first weekend box office, word has it that flavorites Tomax & Xamot, Shipwreck and Wild Bill may make it into the sequel!!! So please, czech your notions preconceived at the door, turn off your mind, drop your pants and give into this late summer sizzlin’ mastercheese! And now you know, and knowing is half the battle!!!

PSAs That Aint Ever Passé: peep 27 of the original Joe PSAs from the cartoon, which are thighlarious on their own, that is until you hear the redonk redubbed versions over at eBaum’s

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

G.I. Joe is currently yo-yoing at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…