|
|
Wednesday, May 6
Star Trek
Spock & Awe
(sorry, but had to steal that one)
Trailers & Mo | Official Website
Move over Arnel Pineda cause wunderkind J.J. Abrams has assembled the single greatestist tribute act known to man (+ other bonus cast and crew members) with his spankin brand new Star Trek, which has gots to be the coolest, hippestest, funnestistest Star Trek adventure of balls thyme. Not that we're sexperts in all things Trek, since we've only seen (and truly madly deeply loved) the IVth movie with the whales, a handful of Next Gen eps and that Kaaaaaaahn!!! clip that's all up and down YTMND, but we knows and loves solid entertainments when we see it, juss like knowing and loving a solid bowel movement when we shat it. Obviously there wouldn't be a dazzlin nouveau Star Trek w/o the original gangster version, so Abrams and Co have gone to great lengths to preserve that what is holy, as well as boldly going above and beyond where they went before. They say you can never go home again, and for George Lucas and Steven Spielberg (but mostly Lucas) they maybe should have never gone home again. Abrams, however, doesn't have the last name Roddenberry, so thankfully he didn't have to carry that torch, and was allowed to light his own. Gawd bless you Paramount Pictures!
This Star Trek takes us back to the beginning, when Kirk was born, Spock was mocked, Winona Ryder was his human MILF and the Enterprise was juss startin to be enterprising with the help of the always helpful Bruce Greenwood. Large shoes had to be filled all around, and the new crew comfortably walk many a star logs in the old ones' kicks: Chris Pine is moist fine as Capt JT Kirk; Zachary Quinto lives long and prospers as Leonard Nimoy's Spock, but as an angrier version (bonus points for casting Nimoyish doppelganger Ben Cross as his papa), Zoe Saldana makes hearts and pants melt as Uhura (see below); John Cho doesn't chew up scenery, as he shouldn't, as Sulu; Englishmen Simon Pegg peggs the Scottish accent and humor as Scotty; Anton Yelchin (blows in general) bures as Pavel... Chekov; and lastly, but bestly, Rohan Rider Karl Urban is the real effin McCoy as Dr Bones dammit! The plot is a lil paper thin (and maybe a tad too hazy, with all the confusing time traveling shiz, and the Hoth scene with the Starship Troopers alien beast), but since this is more of a re-introduction piece, and one that works so well, it's hard to get upset about anything, including, but not limited to Eric Bana's baddie character's limited screen time. We think he hates Spock or something and wants revenge like the horse I Want Revenge, although he scratched in the Derby, so he didn't get revenge on any horse, but Bana does, but not on horses and not nearly as good as the revenge he gots when he fake played a Jew in Munich and totally kicked terrorist a$$ in the name of the Lord. Anywho, this new Trek totally nails it for diehards and livesofts alike, and will have us all thirsting for more in the years to come. So set yer phasers to fun and beam thyne self to a theater!
Outta This World: is there anyone named Zoe that isn't hot?
+ her green Orion Star Fleet Academy roomie
who turned out not to be Diora Baird, but
Rachel Nichols (no, not the ESPN one)
who will mix bidness with leather
as Scarlett in this summer's GI Joe
Verdictgo: Breast In Show
Star Trek opens tomorrow (yes, on a Thursday)
at a theater near Jews
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...
|
|
