Thighs Wide Shut

1) I lynx it’s time the Iggles part ways with Donovan McNabb. He gets injured every year and his back-ups always outshine him every time they get the chance to play. Had he played vs the Pats, melynx the score wouldn’t have been as close as it was. Other than that, it’s official, the Fins have been eliminated from the playoff picture. Wish the same was true about my Skins. I can’t deal with this stress week after weak. And yeah, I think it’s time for Joe to go. And yeah, please stop trying to kill Sean Taylor

2) I don’t lynx Mizzou will beat Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship, but if they do, then what could stop them from winning it all? I sure hope they do, and I’m sure alums Brad Pitt and my mother do as well

3) I lynx big bidness should suffer instead of us consumers. Two big F-Us go out to Blu-Ray/HD-DVD and the NFL Network/Cable companies

4) If a Chinese restaurant doesn’t serve sesame chicken, I lynx they shouldn’t be allowed to call themselves a Chinese restaurant

5) I lynx Showtime’s Californication [NSFW] may be the real reason why boobs were invented

6) I lynx (as well as my bowling nia peoples) that three spares in a row should be called a ‘cornish game hen’ instead of a ‘chicken’

7) It may not be best collection of Damon Albarn b-sides goings, but I lynx the Gorillaz new D-Sides disc is still better than no sides at all. Plus the disc with all the remixes is tres fab

8) I lynx this is the biggest no-brainer of the year: Flight of the Conchords were named the 2007 Wellingtonians of the Year

9) I lynx it’s every human’s duty to make the pilgrimage to Graceland, at least once in their lifetime

10) I lynx all the hot ladies on my Kwanzaa list are gonna get some Aqua Dots this year

previously on my johnson:

Ten Things I Col Klink I Col Klink I Col Klink Without My Klinky Boots

Ten Things I Sphinx I Sphinx I Sphinx Without A Sphinxtor

Ten Things I Think I Think I Think Without A ThinkPad

The Swell Season
Beacon Theatre
November 19th

The Swell Season are Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová. If you don’t recognize those two names then you probably haven’t seen the movie the duo star in, which has quietly entranced audiences worldwide this past year. The movie in question is called Once [TWS.org review], and while I wouldn’t dub it a muss see, I will say that the sweet music the two create in and outside of it is a muss hear. In promotion of the film, they hit the road, but we missed them last time around (dearest Uncle Grambo didn’t). Luckily, the response was more massive than two shitz from Massachusetts and they embarked on a much larger tour of these United States. Last nite they took owned the stage at the Beacon w/their swell music and sweet melodies, all with the backing help from three of Glen’s Frames’ bandmates. Sirprizngly, they had enuff material to put on a full show. If you swooned to the flick and/or the soundtrack, then their show is your natural next destination. And if you already did that, then I guess we’ll juss have to wait for the movie sequel, Twice!!

1) I Col Klink a rematch of Super Bowl XXXI is in our future. And who wouldn’t want to see the Pats take on the Pack again, tenish years after the fact? The Cowboys are darn good, but ultimately, their defense blows and won’t get them anywhere close to the promise land. I don’t know if they made Jason Campbell look good or if he actually is good, but the Skins’ loss last nite to the Cowpokes was easily their best game of the year. And even though they keep losing, the NFC is so awful that they’re still right in the mix for a wild card spot. Actually, so are the Dolphins. At 0-10, they haven’t been eliminated for post season play… yet

2) I Col Klink I won’t be headed to Detroit anytime soon

3) If Ebert never returns to the At The Movies balcony, I think Michael Phillips should be the only choice to replace him. He’s the perfect foil to Roeper. AO Scott is mos certainly nott

4) I know you didn’t see it in theaters, so if you rent one DVD this turkey tweakend I Col Klink you should make it La Vie En Rose (TWS review | buy). If Marion Cotillard doesn’t win the Oscar for Best Bizatch Who Can Act, I’ll give up eating fried chicken… for one whole week!

5) I Col Klink this R2-D2 soy sauce bottle is the greatest advancement in that industry since The Soy Sauce Warrior Kikkoman [Pakula Shaker]

6) I Col Klink that Adhir Kalyan could be the funniest man in America, as in Aliens In America. Who woulda thunk? Certainly not us!

7) From what I’ve heard thus far, I Col Klink Daft Punk’s Alive 2007 will go down at the bestest live album featuring pre-recorded music mt EVERest

8) I Col Klink it’s time for MTV to make the VMAs more like the EMAs. The ‘005 Borat hosted edish was probably the bestest awards show ever… not featuring boobs or slime

9) I Col Klink a Rolling Stones’ Clockwork Orange woulda totally kicked a Beatles’ Lord of The Rings‘ a$$ 17 ways from Sunday. And Stephen King, I do enjoy your wit and jizzdom, but will you shut yer trap about Kubrick’s Shining already?

10) I Col Klink I never want to get high on jenkem

[pic from the rather curious Jaboon Fest site]
Previously on Klinkin it up:

Ten Things I Sphinx I Sphinx I Sphinx Without A Sphinxtor

Ten Things I Think I Think I Think Without A ThinkPad

Young Frankenstein
They’ve Created A Monster… Hit
Website & Tickets

What knockers.

Abby Normal.

Froaderick?

There, wolf. There, castle.

Frau Blücher [horses whinny].

‘UTTIN’ ON THE ‘IIIIITZ.

Outta all of Mel Brooks’ films, these lines of dialog from his classic Young Frankenstein have gots to rank near the top of any list as his mos memorable and hilarious. And after the critical and commercial phenomenon that was the 2001 stage musical of his The Producers, it’s the biggest no-brainer (pun intended) going that Young Frankenstein be the next Brooks ditty to hit up the Great White Way. While we didn’t catch The Producers on stage, we can only imagine how s’wonderful it was, based on how much fun we had watching Young Frankenstein come alive with song and dance right before our very own eyes.

There may not be a big name up on the marquee like Nathan Lane or Matthew Broderick, but the cast they assembled for YF had no problem filling in the giant shoes left by their cinema counterparts. Roger Bart, who was a part of the original Producers cast and probably best known as Bree’s murderous pharmacist on Desperate Housewhores, udderly shines as Dr Fronkensteen. Hopefully this starring role will be the launching pad for more juicy roles to come for him beyond the stage (at least beyond Hostel II). He’s joined by the priceless Andrea Martin (SCTV superstar and crazy Greek Wedding aunt), the beautiful Sutton Foster (that chick subjected to the Conchords’ ‘If You’re Into It’ seranade) and the mos delicious Christopher Fitzgerald, who as the eye-poppin Igor effortlessly carries the entire show on his humped-back. Megan Mullaly, Shuler Hensley and Fred Applegate round out the cast, but their roles don’t shine as bright as the aforementioned foursome. Tickets for this will be hard to come by, but if you can do it, it’s totally worth a roll in ze hay. During the final bows, there’s a joke about Blazing Saddles becoming the next musical, but for everyone’s sake, I hope they aint kidding. Pass the beans

Imagine That: supposedly Hugh Jackman, Tom Cavanagh and Jimmy Fallon were all considered for the role that Gene Wilder made famous, before they went with Bart, who was then slated to play Igor. Also, Kristin Chenoweth was penciled in as a player, before she stepped out for Pushing Daisies

YF opens Thursday, November 8th at the Hilton Theatre in NYC

Sleuth (2007)
Shoo To These Gumshoes
Trailers & Mo

Jude Law certainly loves himself some movie remakes, and each of the ones he’s appeared in, however well intentioned, are complete duds when compared to the originals. I guess he felt guilty for stepping into Michael Caine’s big shoes for the ‘004 take on Alfie, and again in this new Kenneth Branagh directed Sleuth, which he’s also co-producing, that he decided to threw the knighted Maurice Micklewhite a bone and let him play the Laurence Olivier part. Clever idea indeedy-do, but even without ever seeing the ’72 original (damn those OOP DVDs!) you can tell that this new version juss doesn’t quite work. Caine and Law are in love with the same women, whom we never get to see, and the two cocky cockneys go mano-a-mano over her from start to finish. While this acting exercise sounds all dine and fandy, the believability of it all is tossed right out the window in the second act, when Law returns to Caine’s house in disguise, as a policeman. Law didn’t fool me, and for a character supposedly as smart and crafty as Caine’s, he shouldn’t have been either. Everything else that happens after that is not worth investigating. Case closed

Without A Clue: apparently remaking Michael Caine movies are the innnnest things to do in Hollywurst. Ever hear of The Italian Job or Get Carter? Maybe if we keep playin our cards wrong, we’ll be mistreated to an updated Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Jude Law can naturally take on Caine’s role, and as for Steve Martin’s Freddy Benson, we see Dane Cook failing again, for the dumpteenth thyme

Rude Boys: probably the single greatest song named after an actor, where the actor sez his own name in the song haz gotz to be ‘Michael Caine‘ by Madness [d|vid]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Sleuth opens in NY & LA today and elsewhere elsewhen

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…