Thighs Wide Shut

MUSTARD MAN
FOUND!!!

What’s a Lebowski Fest without Edie McClurg playing the washboard? I dunno, but WE WUZ ROBBED!!

While peeps may be fawning over the choices of a Bond Grrrrl who openly shows her gina [NSFW], I say the major Kudos and Rice Krispies Treats should be reserved for casting Jeffrey Wright as CIA agent Felix Leiter. Here’s hoping he goes under(the)cover(s) with M

May the Gorillaz/Albarn stuff never end… and for those who hate to buy stuff, d-lode like the wind: Gorillaz – Live At Manchester 04/11/2005 (thats 11/4/05 to us idjiots) Recorded for BBC Radio 1

Who wrote the Olympic theme song? JWills, NO DOUBTZZLE [d-lode] Oh, yous like me and don’t care for dat one but the one NBC (and ABC) rocks? It’s called ‘Bugler’s Dream’, and, I guess, is known in wider circles as ‘Olympic Fanfare’ [d-lode]. Morse info herez

Faux lesbians, the bass of Sting, a pointless piano solo, and Batman’s Bat Cave. This can mean only one thing that’s not INVASION: t.A.T.u.’s ‘Friend or Foe’ video. Kinda a let down after the give us us hotness of ‘All About Us’, but hey, friends or fauxs, lezzies or ho’s, don’t make a difference to me, juss as long as the kissing commences!! And while Denmark is taking the heat off of France for being the chief jerkasses of Europe, the frogs are making the breast of the situation by making peace with this spread in their FHM [via tATu Girls]

Mischa Barton’s Sort of Visible Nipples… not odd, considering her brother Falkor doesn’t wear pants

Mohammed Image Archive [via PopTarts]

PILLOW FIGHT!!!

Tom Wolfe’s next book? I Am Hot Jeremy [b-ware the audio via Cielloarmadillo]

Lucky Clovers

Play Monk’s Mind Game, drink at Monk’s in Philly, and send yer kid to Art Monk’s football camp, which I attended in 5th grade

SmokingHotWaitress.com [via Double V and their HOT Radio Waves]

Celebrities as Sports Stars!

100 Best First Lines from Novels

The Rifleman, that aint Chuck Connors/Person

Bleak House icons, but only thru episode 9!! I recommend the smallpoxed #20, cause smallpox is the new munch box!

TMNT Food Stuffs

Jean-Claude Van Damme Made Better

Why drive when you can ride a Fucker

Wienerwhistle

General Carbuncle

The Outhouses of America Tour [via IFOCE King]

The Song Tapper

VPF, his suits, and the things he stands in front of

My hero

and Paiging Mr Erection…

Us 80s DC metro kids alls know that this is the greatestist commercial of balls thyme (sadly, not a link to the actual commercial), but did we, and the rest of you jerkfaces from st elsewhere, know that the spot above, where a methed out Fraiser is trying his damnedest to sell the world on Shaq-Fu: THE VIDEO GAME, is 2nd breastest of gaul’s lime? I consider the uploading of this ‘mercial my biggest contribution to the internets mt EVERest/olive!!

BONUS FU: the fu-iest fu-sic video for the ultimate in fu-llaboration: The Fu-Schnickens & Shaq-Fu gettin all ‘What’s Up Doc? (Can We Rock?)’ e-fu-ed!!

• Ice-T AND Body Count is both coming out wit NEW albums?!??!SE#@#@@2!!! [source matz] WH—AAaAT??!!t5t1!!yes!!! One is called Murder for Hire and the other is Gangsta Rap. If you can quess which deep title belongs to which artist and are the 3751223485th person to email me your answer, I’ll buy you one medium thin crust pizza from Domino’s! And if that’s not enuff grate news about meaningless old things that rock, New Edition is reuniting for the 15th time so Bell Biv and DeVoe can pat their rent, but THIS TIME with Bobby Brown on board, who also needs to pay his rent!! Wow, maybe they all should make a NEW EDITION of the Rent movie cause the one we got SUCKED. Get it, a NEW EDITION, cause they’re New Edition and I want them to make a NEW EDITION of the movie Rent cause thereir’s will be better than the one with all the stoopid white people who sing instead of earning a paycheck. STOP SINGING AND HAVING SNARKY ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES AND STOP SINGING!!!!

• I’d be down with a Pumpkins, ‘rillaz, Stripes second night of ‘chella

• Cause like Doggy Poo [trailer], sometimes dreams really DO come true: Free Marissa shirts (+ Falkor’s sister with Hitler’s fruit of choice)! [apparel american via Chillary G]

• So is having HFRT CC THE IV on The OC my next wet dream come true like Jude Law making out with Damon Albarn, with a soundtrack by Pasemaster Mase?

• Merry belated peace the fork out to President David Palmer. Hopefully you got some killer Allstate Life Insurance!!! And may the YMNTD.com be with you, ballways [via Mega Man/Van]

• Merry war the spoon in to Nixon Pt II: President Logan aka llon Tandro aka Dr. Dysek aka Captain Sopek!!!

• Ziyi Zhang totally wants to 2046nine it up with Slim Shadeball

• ClintonPortis.com’s collection of Clinton Portis Characters [via Mr I-495]

• IFC Films secured the US theatrical rights to a movie that maybe 4,876 people would want to see (including me, annie + 1, and 4,873 hipsters)

• The Fiddler should quit blogging and juss make eyelicious art things with album covers all ze time

• celebrity rebus – part 1

• Hottest Significant Other Tournament, Savory 16

• Little Urchins, for when you want yer baby to oh, well, whatever, nevermind.

• Can you peoples stop taking pictures of me in the park while I’m reading A Catcher In The Rye

• 25th Anniversary AllSportsMarket.com DeLorean Give-Away

• Many a FREE screenings to the next Pied Piper of Perabo adventure

• This one is for TK Stack Money: Who’s responsible for naming the planet Uranus?

• THE goal

• Coca-Cock-a? [SFW via Navi’s Unibrow Universe]

• Sorry I couldn’t be of service for the one earthling searching for “Nick Goings’ eyebrows”. To make it up to you, here’s an old link of an old man with old eyebrows doing what he does best: being old

• And

BILL GATES ADMITS TO
BEATING OFF TO CUTHBEST

Well, sort of
[via Takin It In The Kanner]

• I want to live in a country where HRT the IV’s new do is national news… or in a country where pot costs as much as stroopwaffles

• Since David Copperfield can’t seem to get laid anymore, he’s going to impregnate ladies the only way he knows how…

• 2nd helpings of Dangerdoom are on the way, along with a tour with the Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Space Ghost in full costume. No word on if it will be a coast to coast kinda thang.

• Blur’s going to drop their new adventures in lo-fi by year’s end. Graham Coxon still missing in action. Thigh Master still drooling. Damon Albarn’s voice is 2nd best to Alba’s a$$

• Orlando Snooze, back where he belongs, in any pre-industrial revolution era

• Mark my words, Ariel Gade is the next Dakota Fanning. And as well all know, that can mean only one thing.

• While some of us love Rachael Ray and her big mouth, others do not. Either way, lettuce all make peace and grease ourselves up looking at her FHM spread for the 4 thousand thousandth time. [via Laing Sack of Shiiiiiiiit]

• Help the Redskins help breasts. Too bad they were never able to help their own biggest boob, Heath Shuler.

• The Music Video Database. Cause how else are we gonna figure out that Lethal Weapon kingpin Richard Donner directed Cyndi Lauper’s ‘The Goonies R Good Enough’ thumcredible video, which features the likes of Rowdy Roddy Piper, Nikolai Volkov, the Iron Sheik, and of course Cpt Lou Albano?

• Remember Ross? I don’t either, but he’s currently co-starring in Bayside! The Un-musical!. Some say 2nd best use of $5 since offering the same amount to Jimmy Smits for bless my sister’s wedding.

• Do you Netflix it up? If so, send me your email addy and we can become Netflix pals. Cause I know yer dying to know how many stars I gave Apt Pupil and Freddy Got Fingered

• Free passes to Ryan Reynolds Is Fat & Unfunny, And Then Skinny & Unfunny + Richard Gere Gets Off On Spelling

• What’s the story morning horny with the 13th floors of buildings? And what’s the story with Gretchen Mol’s career post Thirteenth Floor? [via Johnny Dollar Bill]

• This priest is right at holmes when it comes to homo bashing [audio] . I think he’s a lil insane in my behind’s membranes. [via Ceffle]

• And blessed be photog Karina Taira, who combined the beauty of HFutureRT Camilla Belle and the neo-hipness of every chick you’ve ever seen on the Cobra Snake!!!

• Related: Why is Rice-A-Roni called “The San Francisco Treat”?

• Word has it that Rachael Ray in engaged. No links could be found to support this, but I bet the couple’s honeymoon days will have a food budget of $40.

• What’s up with all the pointless f#&king scenes on Ep 2 of Rome? Bring back the unshaved heaven of Ep 1!!! Pe es- if you didn’t know, the dude who plays Lucius Vorenus, played Tommy in Trainspotting. I felt so bad for Tommy Boy cause Rents stole his homemade porno flick which in turn got him dumped which in turn got him hooked on smack which in turn got him some AIDS which in turn got him six feet fumunda my nuts to the grave. Btw, Lucius will appear alongside my man main Rhys Ifans in the new Silence of the Lambs prequel that isn’t Manhunter or Red Dragon, which I almost forgot ever eggsisted.

• What’s up wit dat season finale of Entourage? Could things be tied up any more perfectly? Maybe they should have put a big red ribbon and bow on the closing credits. We the nia peoples demand cliffhangers, like Saigon capping Turtle or Drama getting the role of Aquaman in a rival film directed by Brett Ratner or E being exposed as Huey, Dewey, and Louie’s long last brother. Seriously, he’s a duck.

• This is Craig of The List.org fame

• Brown poo-poos a Second Coming

• Could the next Bond be a bit Turkish?

• The Kid Stays Out of the Picture starring Charly Church’s Pa

• Looking to stalk Lohag The Wurstest The I? Here’s yer 1st clue. Now go getum gumshoes!

• Looking for a snap of Lohag The Wurstest The I snogging Trashee Simpleton? Here’s yer 1st link. Now go get lost you cumrags!

• Looking for some lez ghetro clothing to match yer Agassi Air Tech Challenge IIs? Here’s yer French open invitation. Now go game set matchum you Michael Chang-Gang-Bangers and mashers!

• Definition of miscasting: Frodo as Iggy [via Pinky]

• It’s 1995 all over again as Damon Albarn and (different) co beats out The Brothers Eyebrows to the top slot of the UK singles charts.

• Shea Stadium should grace the bottom of every list [via Poon Tang Clan]

• Melinda Clarke scares me

• Live in Boston and live for Kubrick? Yer in luck

• Tore My Anus covers ‘Karma Police’

• The world’s wurstest tATu parody of all thymes and Randy Hymes can be found here

• Jayne Mansfield – A Mountain of a Woman (x72)

• Fiddler’s three word title on his latest post is more genius than Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius

• Easiest way to get to A to Zed in NYC (and now Boston and DC in Beta versions): HopStop.com

• Can someone lend me 2+ grand so I can mcnabb a Bob Ross original?

• Watch 8 eps of the Cpt Lou Albano TV vehicle Super Mario Bros + other gunk [via I Can’t Do That Dave Bowman]

• Hitachi Animated Craponastick: the official end of ‘bling’ [via Crusiespanko]

• But that’s almost passable compared to this dreadful Sugar Rayish white guy rapping about buying the world a Coke. I wish I could hire Mr Freeze and make this guy chill the fork out! Where’s Jack White’s ditty to save us from rehash hell?

• And whilst we on the tropic of Coke ads… a swhile back we made public love to Nicole ‘Sid’ Vicius after peeping Last Days (very bottom), and someone spunkfully noted in les comments section that Ms Vicius is in fact the Rollergirl of the’Starry Eyed Surprise’ ad. Hopefully her career won’t take the path of Rollergirl #1 [NSFW]… unless of course it includes gettin nekkid in every 3rd movie. Man, I think I’m seeing stars… and more snaps of Heather Graham’s b-day suit [NSFW pt II]!!

• Elliot Smith – North Six – 6/6/03 [Forever Youth]

• The Cars Strokes to fly south for the winter fall. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

• Former Congressman and greasemonkey, Ben ‘Cooter‘ Jones is the new RottenTomaotes.com. Here’s his rotten take on the new Dukes flick, ‘the movie is a sleazy insult… and is like taking ‘I Love Lucy’ and making her a crackhead or something.’ [via The REAL Jonah]

• CollegeHumor.com mcnabbs a deal with Paramount to make movies with… college humor. So when is Dreamworks SKG hittin me up to filmology my autobiography, Lord of the Thighs (with music mash-up by Aerosmith/Breeders). But moist importantly, when is a movie going to be developed about Good Humor ice cream trucks? [via Dirk Fiddler]

• I don’t think the Pope smokes dope, or was ever a kid.

• Love Jews AND drawings? Then may I recommend Wild Things: The Art of Maurice Sendak at the Jewish Museum. Juss remember, they closed Saturdays because they hate Christians and need time to prepare goy children for sacrifices.

• I heart Poop

• Footballers Wive$ has a chance of being decent spankable.

• The greatest website that never was: Zealott.com [Disclaimer: that is my friend’s failed venture from halcyon years of the internets and yet it still lives with ZERO CONTENT!!!]

• Hi Res Eva Mendes or Nikki Cox, Erwin M Fletcher you choose!!

• Father finds Mariah Carey’s lame-o nip slip, but which one of yous out there was trying to find ‘‘mandy moore nipple slit‘?

• And I ask you dear reader (or searcher of ‘nip slits’), what’s the one thing you be sick to meth of me shoving down yer jazzhole day after day upon day? Praising anything Damon Albarn does? Pointing out Vince Vaughn’s lack or hair/talent? Talkin bout how I ate microwaved tunafish sandwiches off your girlfriend’s chest? Well, nows be yer chance to give that hot topic that makes your blood boil and mohel bleed a nice 2 week vacation. Dat’s right folks, juss shemail me your Thighs Wide Hate, with a brief explanation as to why/thigh, and whichever person/place/or bling gets the most love (hate) they will be excommunicated from this dot org for a fortnight!!! Lettuce pretend that Lohag is chosen as the taboo subject, then even if she invents hoverboards, bangs Sandra Day O’Connor, and re-records Ween’s Pure Guava, NONE of it will get a mention… for two whole wheat weeks!! The only eggceptions to the rule are yours drooly, cause I know you love it when I talk about my grundle, and Her Royal Thighness the III (or Masha, as her fam and friens call her), who can only be exiled by me, the Henry the VIII of the ’05.