Thighs Wide Shut

Last year’s trip to see the Redskins play in Detroit (Lions And Tigers And A$$ Tears, Oh My!) was such a raging success of excess that we saw no reason not to repeat the experience this year. and after a second stroll down the US automotive playground for 36 hours, we thinks we’ve done everything that can be done in this fine city by the lake that’s a shell of its former self, besides seeing a Red Wings and Tigers game (won’t bother mentioning the Pistons since professional basketball doesn’t really exist, well, at least if you ignore it it doesn’t exist)

anywho…

this is Renaissance Center, home of the world’s worstest movie theater. no wonder Michael Moore hates this place (as seen in his latest movie)

sadly the Renaissance Center didn’t have any giant turkey legs like they do at the Renaissance Fest

Thighs Wide associate Jewanicur Howard Johnson demonstrates how tall he and the buildings are

and increases the amount of Jews currently in that area by 4866%

I point to a place I’ve never been before and still haven’t been

a gym Canada!

ah, the lovely Detroit Institute of Art, aka the DIA

where after eating this incred bacon cheeseburger pizza from PizzaPapalis we added some ria to the DIA’s toilets. yum!

the muse-zan is a no-brainer muss visit

esp to check out Diego Rivera’s Detroit Industry 4-walled mural

these guys were smart, as they knew wees was coming to town with our nasty farts

HEADS ON STICKS!!

PTI’s lawyers are ready to litigate

what chu lookin out Go-Gan?

although we’ll admit that yer stache kicks our beard’s a$$

no need to call in Lionel Hutz

cause we ate all that we could: 6ish hot dogs, 3 things of nachos, 2 popcorns, a bag o chips, one wurst brat, and a ton of soda and water, but no soda water

sadly, the food was the only thing to cheer about on this day

not even Tommy Cruise missile could help the Skins take off versus the lowly Lions. does this mean Zorn will be gone and we’ll get a ‘Who The Hell Should I Hire‘ part 2? gas up Redskins One!

Ford Field is a sight to be seen, and for once, for their fans, they actually had something worth seeing, cept for those who didn’t go to the game cause it was blacked out locally (blacked out is racist!!!)

the Lions deserved to win and the Skins deserved to lose, and watching this happen was actually a lot more fun than watching the Skins win with 3 FGs last week vs the Rams

I love my boys, and always will, but they suck, or are juss really stuck. hopefully the ship will be righted, instead of lefted

but until then, the jerseys will return to the closet and hang in shame

word em up to the lamest form of pubic transportation we’ve ever seen:

The Detroit People Mover!

Pandorum
PanBORDEM
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

We love films. We also love movies. Ideally, every film or movie we see should end up being the breastest ever, but it never works out that way. We were away in Detroit this past weekend and had a coupla hours to kill on Saturday in between overeating, gambling and looking at art (pics to cum!). There aren’t a lot of cinehouses in the downtown area, so the one we went to, The Ren Cen 4, will now and forever be our litmus test for knowing what currently playing movies are truly awful. Our choices were Fame, Jennifer’s Body, I Can Do Bad All By Myself and Pandorum. My personal vote was for none of them, second choice was hanging myself with yer dad’s cock, third was Fame, and fourth being Jennifer’s Body, although don’t know if my ears have healed yet from the last time them encountered Diablo Cody’s dialog. Somehow me was vetoed and Pandorum ended up being the pick. Even though watching our belovededed Washington Redskins give the Lions their first win since the winter of 2007 was worser than a back alley abortion covered in microwaved tunafish juice, thrice covered in homeless man’s urine and poop smell, it still wasn’t as unbearable as Pandorum was. It was so unwatchable that we actually stopped watching about 40 minutes in, and did something we’d NEVER do while sitting in a movie theater (and you too should never do this either, you annoying f%cks that do do it): turn on our thighphone and start dicking around with it. Wasn’t a total loss, as we made good use of the time and sifted thru our backlog of Google News Alerts and eBay Saved Searches (although we didn’t end up bidding on this Amblin Entertainment jacket). Congratulations Sherman’s Way, you’ve officially been replaced as the biggest big screen misadventure to insult every part of our body in 2009!

Everyone’s A Critic: not only is the Ren Cen 4 the Ark of the Covenant when it comes to currently playing Repoopulousnessness, but it’s staff is well trained in the fine art of movie comparisons

Verdictgo: Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

Pandorum is currently something claiming to be a ‘movie’ playing at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Detroit gets a purty bad rap. How do we know this? Every time we mentioned that we were heading there for the weekend, the listener responded, why? Well, 36 hours of non-stop Michigan runings around proved that the answer is why not? Three key reasons why not: A) it’s the home of Peabs, although he was outta town B) we weren’t shot at and/or killed, and C) we weren’t there long enuff to hate it, so in the end, we loved it!

we were Dearborn to be wild

and hit up Miller’s Bar
and had one of their tasty burgers
where you pay on the honor system
so we ordered 15 burgers and claimed we had only one

although to be honest, it aint got nuttin on Wendy’s
but then again, most burgers aint gotz nuttin on Wendy’s

we visited The Henry Ford
which is like a place of stuff
that the Smithsonian didn’t want or have room for

nothing sez history awful/awesomeness
like the car JFK was whacked in
and the chair Abe Lincoln got plugged in

sadly John Wilkes’ Photobooth wasn’t there

lotsa neon!

but no Deion or the Belmonts

this is what ye olde stewardessesses had to do to get ready

they forgot to ask them to shave their bushes

this is where Rosa Parks sat and changed stuffs for good

we feel like such an Outkast

Jewanicure was hungry like a wolf

and danced with some bizatch named Rio, on the sand

the nuclear family

with some d-bag with 18 necks

who you gonna call?

hopefully the police so they can arrest
the people making Ghostbusters III

holy grail! we choose wisely!!

but in Latin, ‘your mother’s a ho-bag‘ is spelled with a ‘i’?

someone give Luke a hand…

…job!!

wow, an actual replica of our big johnson

ride at your own risk

no trip to the D is complete w/out hitting up
The Motown Musuem

tis almos morer importanted than visiting Sun Records in Memphis
and jussta reminder to you alls…
visit Graceland before they die

fake Diana Ross was da bomb shiz

and so is her company, Ho Town Records

who doesn’t love a giant fist?

maybe this fist is to honor their boy RoboCop

Pizzapapalis was poppin-alis!

but really rocked cause you could play
Keno while scarfing down a pie

Don’t forget it Jake, cause it’s Greektown

which hactually wasn’t a ghetto casino
even though you think it would be

apparently
hot dogs in Rock City
are called Coney Island
although they juss pale imitations of Nathan’s
and wees only talkin about the Nathan’s in the real Coney
not some garbage Nathan’s you eat on the Jersey Turnpike

and apparently its good for bidness to have
two rival spots right next to each other

American‘s dogs weren’t that bad



and the interior was mad cool

but also mad empty

cause everyone was next door at the slightly better
Lafayette, munchin on their formica countertops

are you sh%tting in yer pants juss lookin at these pics?

anywho, the real reason for visiting was the Skins-Lions tilt

and we muss say, Ford Field is one amazin place to see a game

and an amazin place to see Randel El and James Thrash stretch!

and the Danny was on hand
lookin like Big Boy

but we’ve always loved him
and have stood by him
cause no one tries harder than the Danny
and bless him and his odd coaching search
which begat

ZORNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

the game was too close for comfort
in a non-Jim J Bullock kinda way
but the good guys won

leaving the Lions winless
and their fans with bags on their head
which was more entertaining than the movie Baghead