Thighs Wide Shut

Nowhere Boy
Introducing… John Lennon
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

You know the story of the Beatles, and if you don’t then watch The Anthology, MULTIPLE TIMES [watch em here]!!!  But what about John Lennon’s story, before he was John ‘F&cking’ Lennon, the man, the myth, the legend we’ve all come to love, revere, worship and every other word that exists in a dictionary/thesaurus for ‘liking a sh%t-ton‘?  Yeah, what about John-boy, when he was a twee lad, a hero worshiper in his own time (Elvis, Buddy Holly), who did things normal teens did, like not care about school, and like totally care about bagging chicks?!  Yeah!  And what about his home life?!  What was the deal with him living and growing up with his auntie Mimi???  And having a loving, yet very strained relationship with his actual birth mother Julia????  Yeah, that Julia chick, who John later wrote a song for, with such telling lyrics as ‘Half of what I say is meaningless, But I say it just to reach you, Julia‘.  Yeah, what’s up wit dat??!?!!

Let’s take a dip in the Liverpool, shall we?  Yes, we will be passing by the gates of Strawberry Fields (it is foreals people!) on this magic mystery tour, but don’t expect this to be an all out Beatles origin story, cause it’s not, it’s a semi-Quarrymen origin story! But not really, although we do get to meet and jam with Paul McCartney (Thomas Sangster, that effin adorable tyke from Love Actually!!!!!) and George Harrison (Sam Bell).  If yer gonna ask where Ringo is, then you need to be Backbeated to death!!!  Nowhere Boy is purely a familial love triangle story between John (Kick-Ass‘ Kick-Ass Aaron Johnson, who kicks way more a$$ here than he did there), his uptight and well-meaning guardian Mimi (the always uptight Kristin Scott Thomas), and her flighty sister and his super-cool mum Julia (a heart-breakingly radiant Anne-Marie Duff).  Somewhere between all the hugs and shouting and secrets and lies is the sprouting of a musical prodigy waiting to turn into genius!  And since we know how history turned out for this Lennon guy, it’s a joy to watch the laughter AND the tears!  Big ups to Johnson, who is electric in Lennon’s shoes and sideburns.  Apparently the director was equally smitten with him as well.  Remember, this is the movie set where the now 43 year-old Sam Taylor-Wood fell for her now 20 year-old star Johnson!

How does the story end?  As history begins!  Ba-Hamburg!!!  But if you want the ending to the Lennon story, be sure to catch the killah and little seen The Killing of John Lennon

C’mon Ophelia Da Noise: can’t finger out which we heart more, Ophelia Lovibond‘s name or her EYES!!!???

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Nowhere goes somewhere, starting in LA/NY only tomorrow!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Flawless
A Safe Bet
Trailers & Mo

Director Michael Radford may not be a household name, but he probably should be. Every time he comes to bat he always connects with the ball, and does it many different ballparks ( Il Postino, 1984, The Merchant of Venice ). His latest entry, Flawless, continues that most quiet hitting streak. It pairs a sultry bidness woman, Demi Moore (welcome back!), and a crusty old janitor, Michael Caine (like a fine wine, he only gets better with age), as they attempt to rob the diamond company they both work for and feel slighted by. It has the same 60s look and feel as Mad Men, but stuff actually happens besides people smoking and drinking in their offices. If you see one heist film this spring, (please) make it the Bank Job [TWS review]. If yer thirsty for mo, while Flawless may not be as outright thrilling or flashy as Job, it has enough merit and stinkin badges to give it a go. Plus it makes up for that Joel Suckmacher flick of the same name where PS Hoffman gays up DeNiro Who’s That Girl: Moore’s character tells the film’s story in retrospect to a cutie patootie reporter. It took us the entire film to figure out who the hell she was: The Tudors Natalie Dormer, who was sporting a much mo fitting blond mane

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers!!

Chapter 27
I Saw Him Standing There
Trailers & Mo

One question has plagued our mind for ages: why would anyone ever want to kill John Lennon? There will never be any sensible answers and Chapter 27, which chronicles the days leading up to Mark David Chapman’s murder of the Walrus, didn’t seem to come up with anything finite either, juss more questions. So on to our next question (which hasn’t really plagued us for any longer than 8 minutes): how do you fill an entire movie about a deranged guy who waits outside in the cold day and night at the Dakota for John Lennon to come out and play? For the restless out there, you’ll be screaming at the screen for Chapman to hurry up and carry out his dastardly deed, but alas, you’ll juss have to wait til the very end. Everything leading up to the moment includes, standing, standing, standing, more standing, even more standing, shrugging off the cold, annoying Lindsay Lohan and Judah Friedlander (secretly one of the best supporting actors nick goings), record shopping, walking in Central Park, being crazy in hotel rooms, a little bit more standing and non-stop blather about Holden Caulfield (he’s the dude in Catcher In The Rye for those who never took one high school English class). Sounds captivating, eh? Luckily Jared Leto, who portrays Chapman, provides all the meat and the sizzle (which he musta had to intake like crazy off screen to pack on the pounds to look more like the MDC). Say what you will about Leto, but he has always given 111% of himself in any movie he’s appeared in (OK, maybe not in Urban Legend). As was the case with Truman Captoe, Chapman got two movies made about him around the same time. The other, which we haven’t seen, is called The Killing of John Lennon. It actually looks a lot better than 27, although its lead actor doesn’t appear to be able to play an asshole quite like Leto can. And lets be honest, is there any better asshole than Mark David Chapman? Well, there’s John Hinckley, but he doesn’t even deserve a movie, and if he did, please don’t bother asking Jodie Foster to participate

A Not So Kodak Moment: hours before Lennon was gunned down by Chapman, he gave him his autograph. Here it be

[The Cemetery of Rock]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Run Fat Boy Run
Close To Running On Empty
Trailers & Mo

David Schwimmer’s directorial debut (what, did you stop reading already?) is such a textbook example of a rom-com that we wouldn’t have been sirprized if it was written by Houghton Mifflin (not to be confused with Dunder Mifflin, snatchurally). It was actually co-written by Michael Ian Black, and it confirms once again that any script penned by an ex-Statesmen isn’t all that funny (save Wet Hot American Summer). The rom part of film aint very antic either, yet somehow we were completely charmed by this commonplace tale of an immature everyman trying to win back the love of his life by way of running in a marathon. The everyman in question is Simon Pegg (he’s also the other co-writer), and without him (and his BFF Dylan Moran), this flick woulda fallen flatter than Pat. This may be the least comical comedy he’s starred in, but you’ll be rooting for the ‘fat boy’ from start to finish, even if he did leave hottie supreme Thandie Newton preggers at the altar in the opening scene

We Want In Dia!: India de Beaufort may have a thankless role in the film, but who really cares when she makes us spankmore

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): against our butter judgment, we say Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Hats Off
The Old Woman And The Must See
Trailer & Mo

You’ve probably never heard of actress/model/lover of life Mimi Weddell. She may look familiar, but unless you’re a woman or are extremely gay then you probably didn’t see one of her more ‘major’ roles as Stanford’s Grandmother on Sex In The City. Thankfully, for the rest of us, we’ll get our first taste of the sophisticated hat collecting lady, who started acting at age 65 when her husband passed on, in this truly uplifting doc. If she can’t inspire you to get up and do stuff with her ‘rise above it’ mantra, then no one can. Hats off to you Mrs Weddell!

Honor Whitewoman: Mimi was named one of the ’50 Most Beautiful People in New York’

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

all flicks open in limited release today, cept for Fat Boy, which opens nationwide

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…