Thighs Wide Shut

Lottery Ticket
By The Numbers, But A Winner Nonetheless
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

To us white folk, urban comedies all sorta feel like the same shiz over and over, with a different cast.  We’re sure the opposite is true of white comedies when viewed by non-white folk (and even by white folk!  we certainly believe so!).  So, let’s call a spade a spade (yikes, we’re already digging ourselves into a giant hole here, with our poor word choices, right?) and blanketly state that most comedies coming out of Hollywood, regardless of color, are carbon copy skeletons of thangs that came before, with different skins.  Enter Erik White‘s Lottery Ticket, which is like Friday or Barbershop, where a gaggle of grand performers all get together and deal with some sorta of central plot device, while laughing all the way to the bank (or in Friday‘s case, dank).  Lottery Ticket isn’t very indistinguishable from anything else you’ve ever seen, and yet it was certainly not awful.  In fact, it was totally enjoyable, and even mildly funny, and if you know us, we barely say anything’s funny!

So, what is it all about?  Not so lil Bow Wow works at Foot Locker and lives with grammy (Loretta Devine) and has big dreams of being a shoe designer or something, but will those dreams ever come true?  MAYBE!  Luckily grammy pushes him into buying a lotto ticket, and… THEY HIT THE JACKPOT!!!!  BUTTTTTTTTTT, the lotto office is closed for the weekend and so Bowwie Wowwie has to hold on tight to the ticket and keep this news mum from all the gold diggers (for the hottest one, see below)!  Good luck with that!!!  Words spreads and the neighborhood (including Ice Cube, Keith David, Terry Crews, Mike Epps, Charles Murphy and Gbenga Akinnagbe) gets silly ideas of ghetto fabulousness and stuff and funny!!!  No really.  Luckily (can’t stop using the word ‘luck’!!!) Wowster has a great BFF (the always high-larious Brandon T. Jackson) and lady friend who may end up being more than juss a lady friend (the deliciously plain jane Naturi Naughton, also delicious hotttt in Notorious) to help him keep his feet on the ground while he reaches for the stars!  Not awful! Casey Kasem closed!

¡¡Teairra Del En Fuego!!: gold digger Teairra Mari is in need of some serious goldfingering

three mo oh snaps snaps!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Lottery is juss the ticket today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Notorious
Revisiting The B.I.G.sty
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

To some (including thighselves), hearing the title Notorious will always conjure up images of Cary Grant outwitting Nazis in South America while winning the love of Ingrid Bergman, and for everyone else w/o an appreciation for one the Master of Suspense’s bestest films from his early Hollywood period (or who aint a fan of Duran Duran), it will apply to the film about the short but very productive life of one Christopher Wallace, aka Biggie Smalls, aka Big Poppa, aka The Notorious B.I.G. That life included ushering in NY’s hip-hop’s renaissance in the early 90s, battling wits and much more with West Coaster Tupac, and winning the love of millions and many women along the way. As a true life story, no one can touch the mystery and intrigue of Biggie’s, but as a movie, Cary Grant and co. will retain the rights as the mos notorious Notorious movie for all eternity (although both of them have nothing on Gretchen Mol’s thighopening performance in The Notorious Bettie Page). Not to say that hip-hop’s first biopic isn’t a crowd pleasing, hand swaying and head boppin’ night at the movies, cause it certainly is, but had this by the numbers recount (purty much devoid of the mystery and intrigue) been helmed by someone with a lil more sensitivity and a dash mo flash and class than what George Tillman Jr. handed in, then this trip down Biggie’s Bed-Sty memory lane coulda ended up a lil more memorable, something along the lines of Ray

Notorious goes down easy like drinking Gatorade, thanks in large part to the creditable acting performances by a bunch of nobodies, outside of Derek Luke, who puts a bit of humility into Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs, a man who couldn’t find humility even if he was looking at a dictionary that only contained the word ‘humility’. Jamal Woolard (aka Gravy)’s struttin and rhyme flippin in his embodiment of B.I.G.’s big body is dead-on (poor choice of a pun, but then again all of our puns are usually a poor choice), and you don’t even think for a second that he’s acting. It’s comes off as being completely natural, as is the work of Biggie’s actual son Christopher Jordan Wallace (who plays the young version of his poppa), Naturi Naughton (getting dirty and being dirty as Lil Kim) and Antonique Smith (keeping the Faith Evans). The ensemble effectively show us this Notorious figure’s life and times, but the film as a whole doesn’t necessarily breathe any new life after his death

Walk A Mile In His B.I.G. Shoes: TONY mag has created a DIY walking tour of Biggie’s old haunts in Bed-Sty

Naughty Naughton: yum, you is

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Defiance
Don’t Bother With These Brothers In Arms Way
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Here we go again with Edward Zwick‘s big camera and big lessons following the unyielding will of the underdog round the globe, past or present. It worked like a gangbusters gangbang with his Glory and Legends of the Fall, but every similar flick he’s made since then is heavier on the guts than the glory. The Last Samurai and Blood Diamond were both big and bold, but boorish and cold juss the same. Defiance falls in line with those last two, which makes this historical drama that partially covers the time line of the brothers Bielski (Daniel Craig, Liev Schreiber, and Billy Elliot) and their forest dwelling group of WWII Jewish freedom fighters (which led our friend to quip that this movie shoulda been called The Swiss Family Epstein) a crying defying shame. Zwick can’t decide if he wants his film to be as sobering as Schindler’s List or a Nazi shoot-em up fun fest like The Dirty Dozen. We couldn’t decide on whether to commend the actors for speaking in a poor quasi-Russian accent or to laff at em for trying the entire time. The only thing you need need to decide is to wait for the DVD, or don’t even bother and juss rewatch Munich, a much better Jews killing Jew-haters flick

Young Guns IIII: twas nice to see In Treatment‘s Mia Wasikowska on the big screen before she gets even bigger by playing Alice in Tim Butron’s Alice in Wonderland in 2010, but we wanna give a widethighs shout out to the fourth Bielski bro, played with bright eyes and an endless blank stare by lil George MacKay. This kid looks eggzactly like a young Roman Polanski, and w
e urge anyone who may be cinematically telling Polanksi’s life story, to let him be the not so noble Roman. And while we’re at it, let NSFWer Diora Baird play his slain wife Sharon Tate, Michelle Williams play Mia Farrow, Christian Slater play Jack and Bob Odenkirk play Charles Manson

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Notorious and Defiance are currently playing at a theater new Jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…