not about last night…

Michael & Kirk Douglas kiss, while Burt Lancaster watches at the 57th Academy Awards, March 25, 1985

+

whooooppppppppppie!!!

Annette Bening

Nicole Kidman

Jennifer Lawrence

Natalie Portman

Michelle Williams

breastestest of luck/lick ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amy Adams

Helena Bonham Carter

Melissa Leo

Hailee Steinfeld

Jacki Weaver

breast of luck ladies!!!

yep, we (Thigh Master, Thighsbart, Jewanicur, BJNewms, Sonkin, Gomby & Wolffie) go back to school more often than you do. wees very proud alumnus of Indiana University, juss like Kevin Kline & Jim Jones & Marc Singer from V!! also wees very proud at how much food & fun & friends we can shove into a single weekend. this particular weekend may look a lot like others of the past, but it was different, cause no ranch fart ever smells the same as another.  they like snowflakes.  anywho…

we snuck into a frat kitchen to show you what college looks like

Keystone Light will never die!!!

but we also took the time to look at a different kind of man-made beauty!

like nicely shaped buildings on the bestest campus evs!!!

who wrote this, a mail or femail???

doesn’t sound like much of a priority anymo!

wethinks David Lynch stole his Twin Peaks hallways from the HPER‘s

and the Nazis stole the swastika from the same place!!

where’s the ranch farting lane?

get it, a lane where ranch farting is accepted?

for richer or pourer, we sunk the Biz at Nick’s!!!

our mos flavorite bar in the world, besides the Dive Bar!!!

and yet, despite of all the debauchery, there was still time for culture!!

at the Lilly Library, now our mos flavorite library besides ones where there are hot & naughty librarians

any Tom, Dick or Larry can swing on in & look at magnificent manuscripts & pertinent papers

like Orson Welles’ shiz (and Vonnegut’s & others)!!!!!

they even have early drafts of Citizen Kane when it was called The American!!!!

and you get to put yer greasy lil paws all over them!!!

and you can even JO to his birth certificate!!

and yes, his dad’s name is Dick Head Welles!!!

and yes, Orson was above average!!!!

twas such an honor to touch his honor card!!!

but a C in gym Orson????

too busy being a genius to be in shape????

they also have a lot o’ John Ford’s shiz, like ironically enuff, his Oscar for How Green Way My Valley

which wrongly bested Citizen Kane at the 1941 Academy Awards!!! bastardos!!!!

ok kids, the writing was on the walls

do not try any of the following at home, and juss be happy you can’t smell the ranch farts at home!!

yours drooly, the mumble narrator and overlord of ranch farts!!!

we know you like to watch!!!

this is proof that there is a God

but ranch farts prove that there isn’t a God

but Pizza Express‘ Dixie Chicken (BBQ grilled chicken, red onion, Wisconsin cheddar) is also proof that there is one!!

this za may be basic Midwestern stuffs, but it’s better than a lot of NY za!! 15reals!!!!!

and there aint nuttin wetter than these there wet cokes!!

besides our vaginas after seeing bountiful feast after feast!!

extra! extra!  fart all about it!!!

man, shiz really adds up super qwikly!!!

even branched out and had a lil Greek food!

the Cheesepa’rer & other goodies gave us tzatziki farts!!!

at Hinkle’s Hamburgers’ grease is STILL the word, booty!!

place is so dang good, they don’t even need a website!

had to make a stop de pit at the VP

and munch on an adequate chicken salad sangwich

so blazed and confused that me eyes are going in nine different directions/erections!!!!

this is the only thing we didn’t eat this weekend

and thanks to Imodium AD, we didn’t have to poop much!!

shocking, we know

photo assist from OviWani

every year we instantly pick the Academy Award winners
and every day we pick your nose & uranus

Best Picture

• Black Swan
• The Fighter
• Inception
• The Kids Are All Right
• The King’s Speech
• 127 Hours
• The Social Network
• Toy Story 3
• True Grit
• Winter’s Bone

WINNER: Winter’s Boring!!  NOT!  NEVER!!!  Will Speech upset Network?  NOT! NEVER!!! NEITHER!!!

Actor

• Javier Bardem, Biutiful
• Jeff Bridges, True Grit
• Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
• Colin Firth, The King’s Speech
• James Franco, 127 Hours

WINNER: since Firth lost last year, it’s his ‘turn’

Actress

• Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right
• Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
• Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone
• Natalie Portman, Black Swan
• Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine

WINNER: we call BS, as the Academy turned their back on these two Brits’ brilliant performances: Lesley Manville in Another Year and Katie Jarvis in Fish Tank.  Portman will most likely get it, but wouldn’t be sirprized if Bening takes it, since it might also be her ‘turn’ to win

Supporting Actor

• Christian Bale, The Fighter
• John Hawkes, Winter’s Bone
• Jeremy Renner, The Town
• Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right
• Geoffrey Rush, The King’s Speech

WINNER: pail frail Bale

Supporting Actress

• Amy Adams, The Fighter
• Helena Bonham Carter, The King’s Speech
• Melissa Leo, The Fighter
• Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
• Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom

WINNER: nice work for including Jacki Weaver, but we still weren’t convinced of Hailee Steinfeld’s acting chops, and we’re sure she’ll never be nominated ever again, so boo on that.  doesn’t matter cause Melissa Leo‘s gonna walk home with the golden man and take a golden shower on it

Director

• Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan
• Joel and Ethan Coen, True Grit
• David Fincher, The Social Network
• Tom Hooper, The King’s Speech
• David O. Russell, The Fighter

WINNER: Fincher, in a make-up call for Zodiac‘s zero Oscar noms… at least that’s how we see it in our heads

Foreign Film

• Biutiful (Mexico)
• Dogtooth (Greece)
• Hors la Loi (Outside the Law) (Algeria)
• Incendies (Canada)
• In a Better World (Denmark)

WINNER: have only seen Biutiful, but doubt it will win.  heard nuttin but batshit crazy good shit about Dogtooth, so either that or In A Better World, but probably In A Better World cause not everyone loves batshit crazy good shit

Adapted Screenplay

• 127 Hours
• The Social Network
• Toy Story 3
• True Grit
• Winter’s Bone

WINNER: Aaron Sorkin (Network) is gonna celebrate with a mountain of blow longer than the Pyrenees

Original Screenplay

• Another Year
• The Fighter
• Inception
• The King’s Speech
• The Kids Are All Right

WINNER: you can’t get more original than taking a page out of the history books, er, um, yea, and so Speech will be fluent in this category… but don’t count out the Kids, cause theys All Right

Animated Feature Film

• How to Train Your Dragon
• The Illusionist
• Toy Story 3

WINNER: take one guess which one wins

Art Direction

• Alice in Wonderland
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
• Inception
• The King’s Speech
• True Grit

WINNER: we say Royals trump dreams, so Speech!

Cinematography

• Black Swan
• Inception
• The King’s Speech
• The Social Network
• True Grit

WINNER: tuff choices, but nuttin had more movement and grace than Black Swan

Costume

• Alice in Wonderland
• I Am Love
• The King’s Speech
• The Tempest
• True Grit

WINNER: people may give love to I Am Love, since it got none elsewhere, but period pieces win, PERIOD.  Speech

Documentary Feature

• Exit Through the Gift Shop
• Gasland
• Inside Job
• Restrepo
• Waste Land

WINNER: dear lord, please let Exit Through the Gift Shop win so Banksy gets to take the stage!!!!  But we’re thinking this is a Restrepo stop

Documentary (short subject)

• Killing in the Name
• Poster Girl
• Strangers No More
• Sun Come Up
• The Warriors of Qiugang

WINNER: none of these sound depressing, which is depressing in itself, but Poster Girl sounds really hot, and we love hot stuff!!!

Film Editing

• Black Swan
• The Fighter
• The King’s Speech
• 127 Hours
• The Social Network

WINNER: no movie moves faster than The Network.  duh, it runs on the infotainment superflyway!

Makeup

• Barney’s Version
• The Way Back
• The Wolfman

WINNER: wow, one of these films will win an Oscar!  and it’s gonna be The Wolfman, even though Benico del Toro required no additional hair to become a werewolf

Original Score

• How to Train Your Dragon
• Inception
• The King’s Speech
• 127 Hours
• The Social Network

WINNER: huge middle finger for no Daft Punk/TRON love, but no one’s gonna beat Trent Reznor and that other dude’s Network score anywayzzz

Original Song

“Coming Home” from Country Strong
“I See the Light” from Tangled
“If I Rise” from 127 Hours
“We Belong Together” from Toy Story 3

WINNER: whichever Disney song is cheesier than the other

Animated Short Film

• Day & Night
• The Gruffalo
• Let’s Pollute
• The Lost Thing
• Madagascar, carnet de voyage (Madagascar, a Journey Diary)

WINNER: The Gruffalo will finish up the night with more statuettes than Mark Ruffalo

Live Action Short Film

• The Confession
• The Crush
• God of Love
• Na Wewe
• Wish 143

WINNER: YES Wewe!

Sound Mixing

• Inception
• The King’s Speech
  
• Salt
  
• The Social Network
• True Grit
  

WINNER: the sounds of keyboard typing mixed with the sound of Timberlake’s stoopid billion dollar voice = Network

Sound Editing

• Inception
• Toy Story 3
• Tron: Legacy
• True Grit
• Unstoppable

WINNER: Inception, cause it has to win something?  or does it have to?

Visual Effects

• Alice In Wonderland
  
• Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows Part 1
  
• Hereafter
• Inception
• Iron Man 2
  

WINNER: OK, so Inception will win 2 Awards

Thighs’ Annual Oscar Pool details 9thcoming, as well as our shlong overdue 2010 movie awards, so stay pooned!!!

Here were our early picks in the ’05 & the ’06 & the ’07 & the ’08 & the ’09 & the ’10