Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Tuesday, January 25

Oscar le Noms

Welcome to one of El Thigh Master's most flavorite times of the year: Oscar Season. In my book, it's right up there with the Redskins, Elisha Cuthbert, Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, and Passover. So this is the first of many posts dedicated to the world's mos important awards. That's right, cause all other awards in compare-A$$-on are udderly meaningless. I mean, can you name who won the 1978 Nobel Peace Prize in any category? Didn't think so, but I Ladell Betts you knew that Annie Hall triumphed over Star Wars @ that year's ceremony. Anywhozitz, stay tuned for mucho hotness, like our Top Ten of 2004 + the 1st Annual Thighs Wide Movie Awards. And for the first time ever, I'm going to open up my Oscar Pool to the public!!! Details 4thcumming. In the meantime, after taking a super qwik glance at the noms, here's my predications for who WILL win, not SHOULD win. All in due thyme...

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Don Cheadle - HOTEL RWANDA
Johnny Depp - FINDING NEVERLAND
Leonardo DiCaprio - THE AVIATOR
Clint Eastwood - MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Jamie Foxx - RAY

Winner: Foxxxxxxy brown

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Alan Alda - THE AVIATOR
Thomas Haden Church - SIDEWAYS
Jamie Foxx - COLLATERAL
Morgan Freeman - MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Clive Owen - CLOSER

Winner: Dude from wings. I mean, Sidelays has to win something.

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Annette Bening - BEING JULIA
Catalina Sandino Moreno - MARIA FULL OF GRACE
Imelda Staunton - VERA DRAKE
Hilary Swank - MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Kate Winslet - ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Winner: How can anyone knock out the Next Karate Kid? I dunno, but I think Imelda may win in a HUGE upset.

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Cate Blanchett - THE AVIATOR
Laura Linney - KINSEY
Virginia Madsen - SIDEWAYS
Sophie Okonedo - HOTEL RWANDA
Natalie Portman - CLOSER

Winner: Cate 'Wet' Blanket

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
THE INCREDIBLES
SHARK TALE
SHREK 2

Winner: Forking Shark Tale gets a nom? WHAT!@$R$%%^&&!! The Incs to the dome piece!!

ART DIRECTION
THE AVIATOR
FINDING NEVERLAND
LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT

Winner: Lemony's Snizzle, edging out Shlong Engagement

CINEMATOGRAPHY
THE AVIATOR
HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT

Winner: Howard Hughes: The Borefest

COSTUME DESIGN
THE AVIATOR
FINDING NEVERLAND
LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
RAY
TROY

Winner: Marty Scorcesese's Eyebrows

DIRECTING
THE AVIATOR
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
RAY
SIDEWAYS
VERA DRAKE

Winner: Dirty Harry

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
BORN INTO BROTHELS
THE STORY OF THE WEEPING CAMEL
SUPER SIZE ME
TUPAC: RESURRECTION
TWIST OF FAITH

Winner: Super Jizz Me

DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
AUTISM IS A WORLD
THE CHILDREN OF LENINGRADSKY
HARDWOOD
MIGHTY TIMES: THE CHILDREN'S MARCH
SISTER ROSE'S PASSION

Winner: whichever one is about the Holocaust or suffering

FILM EDITING
THE AVIATOR
COLLATERAL
FINDING NEVERLAND
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
RAY

Winner: zzzzzzzzzzz Aviatbore

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
AS IT IS IN HEAVEN
THE CHORUS
DOWNFALL
THE SEA INSIDE
YESTERDAY

Winner: Sea Inside, in a sympathy win for not being nominated for any other fizz. WTF????????

MAKEUP
LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
THE SEA INSIDE

Winner: Lemony

MUSIC (SCORE)
FINDING NEVERLAND
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
THE VILLAGE

Winner: Jesus

MUSIC (SONG)
"Accidentally In Love" - SHREK 2
"Al Otro Lado Del Río" - THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES
"Believe" - THE POLAR EXPRESS
"Learn To Be Lonely" - THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
"Look To Your Path (Vois Sur Ton Chemin)" - THE CHORUS

Winner: Phantom Poopie

BEST PICTURE
THE AVIATOR
FINDING NEVERLAND
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
RAY
SIDEWAYS

Winner: Corey Dillon Dollar Baby

SHORT FILM (ANIMATED)
BIRTHDAY BOY
GOPHER BROKE
GUARD DOG
LORENZO
RYAN

Winner: er, um, uh, Lorenzo

SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION)
EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY MUST
LITTLE TERRORIST
7:35 IN THE MORNING
TWO CARS, ONE NIGHT
WASP

Winner: er, um, uh, Little Terrorist

SOUND EDITING
THE INCREDIBLES
THE POLAR EXPRESS
SPIDER-MAN 2

Winner: The Incs

SOUND MIXING
THE AVIATOR
THE INCREDIBLES
THE POLAR EXPRESS
RAY
SPIDER-MAN 2

Winner: Spidey 2

VISUAL EFFECTS
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
I, ROBOT
SPIDER-MAN 2

Winner: All deserve it, but Spidey 2

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)
BEFORE SUNSET
FINDING NEVERLAND
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES
SIDEWAYS

Winner: Matt & Kevin Dillon Dollar Baby

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)
THE AVIATOR
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
HOTEL RWANDA
THE INCREDIBLES
VERA DRAKE

Winner: Eternal. C'mom, Hollyweird, where's the love?


# Oscar le Noms