Thighs Wide Shut

every year we instantly pick the Academy Award winners
and every day we pick axe

Best Picture

• Avatar
• The Blind Side
  
• District 9
  
• An Education
  
• The Hurt Locker
• Inglourious Basterds
• Precious: Yada Yada Yada
• A Serious Man
• Up
• Up In The Air
  

WINNER: half of these don’t even really deserve the honor of being nominated, making 10 total a total waste, but lettuce hope (and we think) moving magic (The Hurt Locker) will slightly edge out movie magic (Avatar) in a sirprize for the ages!

Actor

• Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
• George Clooney, Up in the Air
• Colin Firth, A Single Man
• Morgan Freeman, Invictus
• Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker

WINNER: Renner is mos deserving, but he always plays a dick and although everyone in Hollywood loves dick, they also love Jeff Bridges to everywhere, instead of bridges to nowhere. plus it may give Beau Bridges more chances at working, and what’s so wrong wit that?

Actress

• Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
• Helen Mirren, The Last Station
• Carey Mulligan, An Education
• Gabourey Sidibe, Precious: Gabba Gabba Banta Podu
  
• Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia

WINNER: strong picks across the board, and yes, that includes sassy-ass-mcgeed Bullock and her work in the B-side, but don’t think that anyone will be able to stop the clean Streep from mcnabbing her first statuette since 1983!!

Supporting Actor

• Matt Damon, Invictus
• Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
• Christopher Plummer, The Last Station
• Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
• Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

WINNER: Tucci and his comb-over are the stuff of nightly nightmares and Oscar dreams, yet this will be a first for and probably a last Waltz

Supporting Actress

• Penélope Cruz, Nine
• Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
• Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart
• Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
• Mo’Nique, Precious: Mecious Lecious Crecious
  

WINNER: Mo’Nique, cause we deserve more one name winners, ala Cher

Director

• Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
• James Cameron, Avatar
• Lee Daniels, Precious
• Jason Reitman, Up in the Air
• Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds

WINNER: once again, a battle of Pandora vs Iraq, but the DGA winner is usually the winner here, so be sure to bet more than a deuce on Bigelow

Foreign Film

• Ajami (Israel)
• El secreto de sus ojos (Argentina)
• The Milk of Sorrow (Peru)
• Un Prophète (France)
• Das Weisse Band/The White Ribbon (Germany)

WINNER: a nice day for a White… Ribbon!!!

Adapted Screenplay

• Up in the Air
• Precious: Ness Ness Ness
  
• An Education
• District 9
• In the Loop

WINNER: Up In The Air has to win something, although it shouldn’t, so we’re gonna pick In The Loop cause it rhymes with poop, which it’s far from/flung

Original Screenplay

• Inglourious Basterds
• The Hurt Locker
• A Serious Man
• Up
• The Messenger

WINNER: Harvey Weinstein will sell his weight in gold to get Basterds it’s own gold

Animated Feature Film

• Coraline
• Fantastic Mr. Fox
• The Princess and the Frog
• The Secret of Kells
• Up

WINNER: what the kells is The Secret of Kells? Fox is foxier than Up, but this is always a popularity contest (unless a Miyazaki film is involved), so take one fargin guess who wins

Art Direction

• Avatar
• The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
• Nine
• Sherlock Holmes
  
• The Youg Victoria

WINNER: get Avatared!

Cinematography

• Avatar
• Harry Potter Gets Pubes
  
• The Hurt Locker
  
• Inglourious Basterds
• The White Ribbon

WINNER: Ribbon, for her pleasure

Costume

• Bright Star
• Coco Before Chanel
  
• The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
• Nine
• The Young Victoria

WINNER: period pieces rule this harder than a ruler measuring our cocks, so it cums down to Star and Vicky, wit Star shining brighter cause its period is an exclamation point!

Documentary Feature

• Burma VJ
• The Cove
• Food, Inc.
• Which Way Home
  

WINNER: mo like Food, Stinks! Please dear lord, let The Cove win, cause dolphin meat is a bigger problem than how delicious McDonalds is

Documentary (short subject)

• China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province
• The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner
• The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant
• Music by Prudence
• Rabbit à la Berlin
  

WINNER: everyone loves a good disaster, and while our hearts go out to those commies, nuttin hits home like the Closing of a GM Plant! did Michael Moore direct that?

Film Editing

• Avatar
• District 9
  
• The Hurt Locker
  
• Inglourious Basterds

WINNER: this Avatar vs Locker vs Basterds in a ton of races is tuff tomatoes, so tie goes to none of the above, District 9!

Makeup

• Il Divo
• Star Trek
  
• The Young Victoria
  

WINNER: don’t recall that much makeup in Vicky or anything beyond pointy ears and foreheads in Trek, and since Il Divo got ill ex-communicated for not getting a Foreign Language nom, it’s makeup award will be a makeup call

Original Score

• Avatar
• Fantastic Mr Fox
• The Hurt Locker
• Sherlock Holmes
• Up

WINNER: ooooo, they so James Hornery for Avatar

Original Song

• “Almost There”, Randy Newman, The Princess and the Frog
• “Down in New Orleans”, Randy Newman, The Princess and the Frog
• “Loin de Paname”, Reinhardt Wagner and Frank Thomas, Paris 36
• “Take It All”, Maury Yeston, Nine
• “Weary Kind”, Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett, Crazy Heart
  

WINNER: the lovely T Bone in steak sizzles!

Animated Short Film

• French Roast
  
• Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty
• The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)
• Logorama
• A Matter of Loaf and Death

WINNER: Logorama > Mola Ram

Live Action Short Film

• The Door
• Instead of Abracadabra
• Kavi
• Miracle Fish
• The New Tenants

WINNER: Door about Chernobyl, Kavi about slave labor. take yer pick. as of now, we’ll pick Kavi, cause it sounds almos like Navi, the mos terrible bowler we know!

Sound Mixing

• Avatar
• The Hurt Locker
  
• Inglourious Basterds
• Star Trek
  
• Up

WINNER: Davy Jones’ Locker

Sound Editing

• Avatar
• The Hurt Locker
  
• Inglourious Basterds
• Star Trek
  
• Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

WINNER: Avodart

Visual Effects

• Avatar
• District 9
  
• Star Trek

WINNER: amazin what 9 did on such a small budget, but tits the big budgets that always win here, so Avodart againnn

Thighs’ Annual Oscar Pool details 5thcoming, as well as our shlong overdue 2009 movie awards, so stay pooned!!!

Here were our early picks in the ’05 & the ’06 & the ’07 & the ’08 & the ’09