Thighs Wide Shut

TV was good to us this past year and in turn we masturbated a lot. Actually we didn’t, but we probably logged the mos amt of hours in front of the tube of boob since the weigh days when Saved By The Bell played after school 4 times in a row. As for the writer’s strike, we actually believed it helped to make better TV. Why may you flask? Cause mos shows run out of steam half way thru a 20+ ep run and the abbreviated seasons forced tighter storylines and mo juicy entertainments. Less is always more, unless wees talkin about our crush… er, um, CRUSH!

So besides the year-round bestness that be PTI, Ebert & Roeper and CBS Sunday Morning here are our top 13 picks that didn’t suck our vaginas (peas note we didn’t watch Mad Men and to this day, haven’t seen one episode of The Wire… but we plan on changing that)

1. Dexter – did the impossible of following up the BEYOND fantabolous first season with a BEYOND solid second season, where Dex found himself going from hunter to hunted, all while dealing with TV’s mos hated character, the ‘gross, English, titty vampire.‘

2. The Office – ‘Gift baskets are… the essence of class and fanciness‘

3. Flight of the Conchords – if you haven’t rapped along to ‘Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenocerous‘ you truly haven’t lived

4. Lost – we once were bored, but now we’re beard!

5. Kid Nation – kids say the darndest things, and do em as well, and even better than the boring adults that oversaturate the reality genre. don’t know if a second dose of this will be good, but kids doing stuff is second best to monkeys doing stuff

6. Californication – all glorious NSFW breastesiesezes aside, this show was udderly refreshing and NOT Tell Me You Put Me To Sleep

7. Gossip Girl – in 12 short episodes, GG has already replaced The OC as the only true heir to 90210. Chuck Bass kicks glass, as so do these weekly Intel reviews. + who wouldn’t want to toss Blair Waldorf’s salad?

8. 30 Rock – from thirtynothing to thirtyeverything, we’re sorry we ever doubted you

9. Journeyman – we’re still waiting for the ep where Lucius Vorenus travels back to 40ish BC

10. Aliens In America – we picked it to finish last in its class, but this comedy is first class

11. The Tudors – nothing is more gay than Jonathan Rhys Meyers, yet nothing is hotter than watching him bang chicks

12. Dance Revolution – the aim of this Saturday morning show was to get kids off the couch. it didn’t work, for them (it was canceled), but it did for us

13. The (White) Rapper Show – two words: hallelujah hollaback

want a second opinion?
well Thigh Sister and hubby Brickhouse
watch much more crappy TV than thous
and here’s their round-up for the square-down

Favorite Adrenaline Rush
Amazing Race
Dexter
Ultimate Fighter

Favorite Reality Dating Shows
Beauty and the Geek
I Love New York
Pick-Up Artist
Rock of Love with Brett Michaels
Shot of Love with Tila Tequila

Favorite Competitive Reality Shows
America’s Most Smartest Model
America’s Psychic Challenge
Big Brother
Design Star
Project Runway
Top Chef
The (White) Rapper Show

Favorite T&A Shows
The Hills
Keeping up with the Kardashians
Real Housewives of Orange County
Sunset Tan

Favorite Control Freaks
Flipping Out
Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency
Work Out

look out for our anal and annual
breastestestnessness in movies
in the weeks to come!
xo xo

In life, as the Grail Knight sagely and parsley sez, we muss choose, but we muss choose wisely. For if we choose poorly, we may end up like ye olde Walter Donovan, but if we choose wisely, we can led a happier, healthier life wealthier wife into leaving all her ducats in our name when she decides to kick the charlie bucket. Since we don’t advocate sugarmommying and/or murder, we want to help you choose quality TV shows that will not only waste your time, but you thyme AND your rosemary as well!

I’m sure about .000000001% of you subscribe to Showtime. And if you do fall under that minority then I’m sure yer already thoroughfarely enjoying The Tudors. If not, then you should be either beheaded or have a sixth finger sewn onto your left hand like the great Tyrone Rugen or Anne Boleyn, who’s totally been hottied up for our benefit (see above). C’mon yolks, is there anything besterer than Jonathan Rhys Meyers gaying it up as Henry the VIII? What if I told you that there’s plenty o’ boobs, butts AND that dude from Clear and Present Danger? I can already hear you dialin up yer cable co and adding on Showtime now! OK, so Showtime shows the wurstest movies of balls thyme, but they also got Weeds and Dexter, they boths busters my poin!

Lookin for something a lil less royal, but still with plenty o’ cheese (not to be confused with Plenty O’Toole)? Thought so you stoopid fargin icehole!!! That’s why the genius cockmuffins over at DIC invented the bestest Saturday morn thang since the Pac-Man cartoon: Dance Revolution. This show is aimed at gettin lazy arsed tweens off the couch and shakin their booty, but like Invisible Ink, this shiz is beyond suitable for anyone aged 12 to 112! Hosted by speed freak Brit DJ Rick (he looks like the bastard son of James Burke and Jarvis Cocker), DR pits dance duos against each other for phat scholarship monies. What, did I lose ya at tweens? What if I told you that the guest judges, including this d-bag, are more ghetto than the Ghetto Revival? Or that they teach you moves that are more right than if they were choreographed by Craig T Nelson? I still don’t gots ya? OK, this is the final bendy straw: The NY Times worthy Slumber Party Girls, SPG for short, provide all the hot tunes for the show. Never heard of them? That’s the club that I was in 2 months ago before I got hooked on their fun, refarted and darn right catchy Mccathyson ditties. There’s a lota payolacrapola on the radio, and if people love that shaz, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t heart the SPGers. I hate all that other Fergie crap, but I loves me that SPG album. Hell, you can get yer own used copy, and the shipping will cost more than the actual disc!

SPG’s ‘Make A Wish‘ [d]

boo-nus

‘Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme‘, sung by Bill Murray [d]