– Paul Pfeiffer/Josh Saviano is alive! And apparently he’s not Marilyn Manson, but a big time lawyer! Good thing he didn’t pin his hopes on becoming the next Sir Laurence Olivier. [via Navi]
– Andre Rison is alive! And apparently going to play football in Canada. Maybe Left-Eye Lopez will come back from the dead and burn down his new house. The only comebacks I’m dying to see are from Ickey Woods and the great Wayne Fonts.
– Sweden’s King Carl XVI Gustaf is alive! Apparently he had been assassinated, but I guess not.
– Borat/Sacha Baron Cohen keeps getting in more and more hot water. He can now add the British version of the FCC and the U.K.’s Jewish Board of Deputies to the growing list of organizations jumping down his thiz-oat for the “Throw The Jew Down The Well” ditty (click and watch if u haven’t already done so 464663246 times). And according to this very heducationalist article, Sacha has been labeled ‘the new Al Jolson’, is a devout Jew who keeps kosher, has lived on a kibbutz, and at Cambridge University, did a history dissertation entitled: The Black-Jewish Alliance – A Case of Mistaken Identity. Easy-now rude boys!
– Swoon, the bestest gay/black & white movie about Leopold and Loeb, is finally being released on DVD tomorrow.
– Van Halen sues the Baltimore Orioles. What a great PR move, since this is the only way that either group can garner any media attention these days.
– Regis Philbin set the record for most time in front of a camera at 15,188 hours. That’s 15,187 hours too many if you ask me.
– Toggle, the most useless search engine in the world.
– Whatever you do, don’t send Andy Rooney a gift.
– To hell with Spongebob, cause only the koolest kids will be dressed in pimp costumes this Halloween. [via YouCuntMakeShizUp]
– If you are one those bastards who stole Edvard ‘Butt’ Munch’s ‘The Scream’ and happen to be reading this, step away from the computer, return that masterpeace immediately, and come to America so I can beat the crap out of you with a piece of Norwegian wood.
– t.A.T.u. are not only NOT lesbians, but there’s also the hottest name to give to baby African hunting dogs.
– Butt Paste. It’s not what you think… or maybe it is.
– Napoleon Dynamite won’t ever quit. Since June, it’s raked in a sirprizing $15.9 million, despite nevers evers cracking the top ten! Fox Searchlight is expanding its release to 1,500 theaters nationwide and there’s even talk about a sequel! Some say the success of the film is linked to the studio’s ‘canny marketing campaign’, but we all know its cause yers truly was the star of the commercial. [via Thigh Master’s Mumsy]
– The Bowery Ballroom’s website gets a well needed makeover.
– Modest Mouse, The Killahs, and The Walkmen are all set to appear on the upcoming season of The O.C. (not pronounced The Ock). Speaking of The Ock, Mischa Barton is going to donate her vagina to the Thigh Master in hopes of producing his daughter.
– Disney World said peace the fork out to the broke-a$$ 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride years ago, but this guy refuses to let the memories die. Someone, please buy one of his t-shirts and make his day.
– Coming soon to a Mount Vernon near you: Reconstructing George Washington.
– Julia Roberts to take some time off from movie making. Please honey, take as long as you want and don’t ever come back.
– What’s a worserer idea than buying The Scorpions’ CD box set? Living in a glass box with 6,000 scorpions at a shopping mall in Kuala Lumpur for over a month.
– A finally, the awfulestest word on the street is that George Lucas may be down to make 3 more Star Wars sequels, which will pick-up where Return of the Jedi left off. George, you have 7 zillion trillion dollars, why do you want to continue shitting on my childhood? At least Mark Hamill now has a reason to continue living. And if he’s not available, maybe he can lure Paul Pfeiffer/Josh Saviano out of acting retirement. [via Trent Lotz]
21. Dec, 2006 
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