Thighs Wide Shut

Green Book
Opposites React
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 130 min

Need a hug? A good laugh? A reason to feel good about humanity, and how we can overcome our differences to find common ground?  Or how about a chance to smile, like endlessly?  You can have all of this AND MORE by watching the candy-colored Hallmark movie-esque, but always fabulous Green Book – easily one of my favorite movies 2018.

How is this so?  It’s a serious subjected movie directed by There’s Something Dumb and Dumber About Kingpin‘s Peter Farrelly (leaving his brother Bobby at home).  The first act is filled with more New York-Italian stereotypes than if Chef Boyardee and Mama Celeste starred in a Ragu commercial.  Whatdamattawitchu???  Once we leave the stereotypes behind in New Yawk, and meathead Viggo Mortensen starts driving sophisticated musician Mahershala Ali around the deep south, in a time when African-American men know better than to travel down there, does the film’s magic really begin.  And once that magic starts – it never stops, casting some sort of spell on you until it’s time to get up and go home!

Wow – I love this movie.  I really do.  It’s truly a ‘feel-good’ flick, and one we really need right now.  And it’s all true!  Mortensen plays a bouncer named Tony Vallelonga (who later became an actor himself, Tony Lip, with parts in Goodfellas, The Sopranos, Donnie Brasco and a slew of other gangster related movies) who was hired to drive and look after Ali’s classical pianist Don Shirley on his concert tour thru the Dirty South.  The ‘green book’ in the title is an actual guidebook African-Americans would use so they would know where they could stay overnight, as many places were not so friendly with their ‘whites only’ policies.  And while race is always an issue in the film, it doesn’t over-envelope the proceedings like you think it would.  And even when Tony and Don run afoul of locals along the way, it never goes too far, keeping things nice and light.  Light is good.  You want dark, watch Mississippi Burning.  Want a movie where a white guy sells the virtues of fried chicken on a black guy?  Who doesn’t?  This movie is finger-licking AWESOME!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Book opens today in limited release and everywhere next week

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

A Dangerous Method
Girl Just Wanna Have Jung
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 99 min

A teacher and a pupil and the pupil’s own pupil get into a psychological triangle of thoughts, dreams and masochistic desires in David Cronenberg‘s A Dangeous Method. It’s true, and it’s all true, cause the people we’re talking about are real people!!!  Like the cigar chomping daddy of modern psychology Sigmund Freud (Viggo Mortensen), his reluctant and doubting heir apparent Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender), and Sabina Spielrein (Keira Knightley), a fidgety young Russian girl who takes great pleasure in pain, and has a few of her own thoughts on analyzing this AND that!!!

We see relationships forged, broken, mended and bended all over again, before this trio goes their own ways into the annals of psychoanalytic history. But whose story is this? Freud is on the fringes, observing afar from Vienna, while Jung and the Ruskie take center stage experimenting with some… dangerous methods – read, HOT KINKY HOTNESS!!!!  THEY SHOULDN’T, BUT THEY SHOULD!!!!  Or should they???? What does Freud think of all this???

Mustached Fassbender as Jung owns the proceedings (of course he does, this is Fassbender we’re talking about!!!), but Keira Knightley comes pretty close to upstaging Mr Mos Fantastic Actor of the Moment. At first, her accent seems to flicker in and out of believability, but as the minutes pass, not only does Knightley’s character blossom before our eyes, but she herself, from the run of the mill Jane Austen broad we’ve become bored of, to an actual actress with great range, filled with sirpizes!  Yes, we’re talking about the same KK that is in such boring stuffy British movies like, Crumpets: The Movie. Same also goes with Cronenberg, who sirprizes us by showing he’s capable of making an adult movie that doesn’t succumb to weirdness for weirdness sake, or has William Hurt in it for no reason

moral of the story: a movie about thinking people thinking about other peoples thoughts doesn’t exactly scream ‘see me’, and we cannot necessarily say that A Dangerous Method is something worth screaming about, but it is worth a thought, and a lot of thought was put into it, so think about that.  Remember, it’s a non-weird Cronenberg movie, and William Hurt isn’t in it for no reason, so if that’s what yer thinking, THINK AGAIN!!!  BUT you get to peep at Knightley’s nips AND see Vincent Cassel play yet another oversexed pig, and that’s good enuff for we to think you should see it, maybe.  thoughts?

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

A Dangerous Method wants you to hear its thoughts in NY & LA today, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Road
Bleak of An Eye
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

The Road is about a nameless man (Viggo Mortensen at his rugged ruggedness bestness) who travels by foot with his nameless son (Kodi Smit-McPhee, who’s no Max Records!) to nowhere. Wells, they do have a vague destination in mind (the ocean!), but really are juss trying to survive by simply living. While society and the earth itself has crumbled to pieces (we don’t get to witness tit tat all, which is completely fine, cause moist of the time shiz is scarier when you don’t know the why or how), the man doesn’t want to give up on humanity or his son, even though everyone else has, including his wife (Charlize Theron, seen in flashbacks, which we believe wasn’t a part of the book). The two meet all kinds of other desperate and unsavory souls on their path to anywhere but here, from cannibals, to thieves and the hopeless (including a barely recognizable Robert Duvall), and one can see that even when all is lost, love can still mean something. Oh boy, man, did that man love his boy! Not in that way you sick forks!!

Yeah kiddies, this a total debbie downer to the creme de^menthe degree! Even when there’s a slight ray of hope, it’s usually preceded or followed by very bad stuffs. Tis like the dirty emptiness of Children of Men with less people, future gadgetry or blow up pig balloons, with an added bit of The Mist‘s twists and burns. To be honest, we have not read Cormac McCarthy’s book, cause we’re ill-litter-rate. And where director John Hillcoat (The Proposition) and writer Joe Penhall‘s take on the material treads, we may never want to learn how to read, let alone go down that ROAD again. We don’t mean that in a bad way twatsoever, but why would we want to endure the there will be blood, sweat and tears in a word form after digesting the horrific beauty that was painted in the cinematic version? Kinda a hard film to recommend, but how could we not when it’s the mos visually spectacular one of the 2009, although it would have been of the 2008 had they released it when theys was originally planning to. Maybe they wanted to show Roland Emmerich how it’s really done. Too bad more will flock to his 2012 than see The Road. Now you tells we, who needs an effin apocalypse to tell us that humanity barely eggists anymo?

Where They’re Going We Need Roads!!!: The Road chomps its own scenery, filming at actual ravaged or worn places like Mount St. Helens, hard hit Hurricane Katrina spots of Louisiana, and, as thighposted before, the Abandoned Pennsylvania Turnpike (we are so going there ones day!)

Verdictgo: Breast In Show. duh, cause dystopia is dope!

The Road knows no bounds today in limited release. seek it out or be eaten by cannibals!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

ps – was kinda odd to see Viggo married to Theron onscreen cause Theron’s real life beau is Stuart Townsend, aka the man picked to play Aragorn in LOTR, but who was replaced 4 days into shooting by… VIGGO!!!