Desperate Haaswives
10. Jan, 2005 
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Oh, the Bok Choyces we have to make in our lives. Sunday night was the biggest dilemma in the House of Thighs since the Ford administration. What is one to do when Fox airs two straight hours of Jack Bauer’s heavy breathing and one of those hours juss so happens to overlap with the lovely, yet desperate Housewhores? Like there was even a decision to make. I shouldn’t even bother watching 24 anymore since Her Royal Thighness, Kim/Cuthy, parted ways with the show, but with the addition of William Devane (who used to look like RFK and now looks like Ted Kennedy), a House of Sand and Fogesque family, and hispecially Lukas Haas (my former muse before Barret Oliver re-stole my heart), it was enough to keep me glued… for at least that 1st hour. I mean, there really aint nuttin in this good world dat’s gonna keep me away from Bree Van De Kamp and her purrrrrrfect red hair that I just wanna lick all day like it was Häagen-Dazs. Cold case closed… for now.
– Speaking of HRT, is Sir Ian Holm Elisha Cuthbaby’s secret daddy? Why else would he shorten his name?
– And what kind of a bloggah would I be if I didn’t pass a long a peace le fork out to Jennirad Pittison. What will we ever do without you, our most boringistestically former Hollywood super-couple? I dunno, I guess watch Lukas Haas kick gla$$!!
– Lindsay Lohan Picked As Top Celebrity Gamblers Want To See In The Nude. I hear that’s the second greatest honor one can receive next to being knighted or mcnabbing a coveted Subie Award.
– Looks like Michael Jackson has done some pretty bad things. Nicknaming two kids ‘Doo Doo Head’ and ‘Blowhole’ may be the wurstest of the bunch.
– Andy Rooney, lover of cell phones? Whatta you think?
– I think I have a Cliff Engle NFL sweater fetish. Somebody please help me.
– 62-Foot Stogie Rolled in Puerto Rico. It’s things like this that make me so proud that they’re a US commonwealth.
– Blog + Video = Vlog. That’s about the gayest thing I’ve ever heard of that isn’t even gay. So don’t get yer hopes up folks, cause you won’t be seeing your’s drooly becoming Vlog the Impaler anytime soon. [link and Dracula pun via Johnny Bill$$z]
– Porn bad? According to this 1965 PSA by Citizens For Decent Literature Inc, it most certainly is! [via Zach de la Roachclip]
– Terrence Malick, who directs a movie about as often as I exercise, decides to make a come back with this? Note to Hollywood: we’re sick of Colin Farrell. Please send him back to the land of Darby O’Gill and dem little people.
– Melinda & Melinda looks more like a Will Ferrell movie, than a Woody Allen one. The jury’s still out on whether that’s a good or bad thing.
– Which Napoleon Dynamite character is you? I landed the plum role of Kip, which was fitting since I like to chat with hot babes all day shlong on the internets too! [via Kentucky Woman]
– Is your name Jim Wilson? You’re not alone.
– And I’m sorry if the following animated gif of the magi is N.S.F.P.W.L.O.H.M.B. (Not Safe For People Who Love Or Hate Mr Bean), but it au jus had to be posted. [all thanks or blame can be directed to Wimp.com via my dearest to CityRagDoll]
