Oscar, Mayer, and Wiener

This year’s nominees have about as much buzz as Buzz Aldrin headlining this year’s Coachella, aka Zzzzzzzzzzzzz to the nth degree deodorant. But I’ll hold off on the major griping until Walk The Line walks away with anything (can you say 3rd rate La Bamba?). Lettuce juss hope that at this year’s awards, even though the gays will have their day, that boobs will reign supreme!!! And like last year, after taking a super qwik glance at the noms, here are my predications for who WILL win, not SHOULD win (eggscuse my lack of italics):

Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck
Munich

WINNER: Humpmyback Mt

Actor
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night, and Good Luck.

WINNER: Scotty J from Boogie Nights, for being gay again!

Actress
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Keira Knightley, Pride & Prejudice
Charlize Theron, North Country
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line

WINNER: the woman who looks like a man who played a man trying to be a woman

Supporting Actor
George Clooney, Syriana
Matt Dillon, Crash
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
William Hurt, A History of Violence

WINNER: Cpt Neckbeard (Cloo-less), since he won’t win in the other 2 cats he’s nominated in

Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, Junebug
Catherine Keener, Capote
Frances McDormand, North Country
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain

WINNER: you choose Weiszzzz-ly, although I wouldn’t bee sirprized if Amy Adams won

Director
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Bennett Miller, Capote
Paul Haggis, Crash
George Clooney, Good Night, and Good Luck
Steven Spielberg, Munich

WINNER: Ang Lee, in a make-up call for The Hulk

Foreign Film
Don’t Tell, Italy
Joyeux Noel, France
Paradise Now, Palestine
Sophie Scholl — The Final Days, Germany
Tsotsi, South Africa.

WINNER: Paradise Now, although Tsotsi is the new Yahtzee

Adapted Screenplay
Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana, Brokeback Mountain
Dan Futterman, Capote
Jeffrey Caine, The Constant Gardener
Josh Olson, A History of Violence
Tony Kushner and Eric Roth, Munich

WINNER: Tight Jeans, Thight Ass In Mts

Original Screenplay
Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco, Crash
George Clooney and Grant Heslov, Good Night, and Good Luck
Woody Allen, Match Point
Noah Baumbach, The Squid and the Whale
Stephen Gaghan, Syriana

WINNER: this is udder BS, since Gaghan shoulda got an adapted s-play nom, not an og nom, but I still hold out hope for Squid & The Whale

Animated Feature Film
Howl’s Moving Castle
Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride
Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

WINNER: who cares, but Howl

Art Direction
Good Night, and Good Luck
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Pride & Prejudice.

WINNER: Good Night and Zzzzzz

Cinematography
Batman Begins
Brokeback Mountain
Good Night, and Good Luck
Memoirs of a Geisha
The New World.

WINNER: Heath Ledger Loves Man Ass!!

Sound Mixing
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Walk the Line
War of the Worlds

WINNER: Kong

Sound Editing
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
War of the Worlds

WINNER: Dakota Fanning Is Scared: THE MOVIE

Original Score
Brokeback Mountain, Gustavo Santaolalla
The Constant Gardener, Alberto Iglesias
Memoirs of a Geisha, John Williams
Munich, John Williams
Pride & Prejudice, Dario Marianelli.

WINNER: the dude who came up with that hot arsed ‘Wings’ tune for the gay stuff

Original Song
In the Deep from Crash, Kathleen Bird York and Michael Becker
It’s Hard out Here for a Pimp from Hustle & Flow Jordan Houston, Cedric Coleman and Paul Beauregard
Travelin’ Thru from Transamerica, Dolly Parton.

WINNER: ya gotta be kidding me that the Pimp song got a nod!!!! Boobs Parton in a landslide

Costume
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Memoirs of a Geisha
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride & Prejudice
Walk the Line

WINNER: GAYsha

Documentary Feature
Darwin’s Nightmare
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
March of the Penguins
Murderball
Street Fight

WINNER: I think Penguins will be this year’s Super Size Me, read: BLAH. Either Enron or Murderball

Documentary (short subject)
The Death of Kevin Carter: Casualty of the Bang Bang Club
God Sleeps in Rwanda
The Mushroom Club
A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin.

WINNER: Gawd sleeps at the Ramada hotel in Rwanda

Film Editing
Cinderella Man
The Constant Gardener
Crash
Munich
Walk the Line

WINNER: Jews Kill: THE MOVIE

Makeup
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Cinderella Man
Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith

WINNER: the one with the Jesus lion

Animated Short Film
Badgered
The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation
The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello
9
One Man Band.

WINNER: Jasper, DUHVS!!

Live Action Short Film
Ausreisser (The Runaway)
Cashback
The Last Farm
Our Time Is Up
Six Shooter

WINNER: Ausererioeooerrss

Visual Effects
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
King Kong
War of the Worlds

WINNER: Dong

Academy Award winners previously announced this year:

Honorary Award (Oscar statuette)
Robert Altman

WINNER: ROBERT ALTMAN!!

The Gordon E. Sawyer award (Oscar statuette)
Gary Demos

WINNER: GARY US BONDS!!!

And although this has nothing to do with Oscars, PEACE THE FORK OUT Coretta Scott King!!

UPDATE:

Join Thighs’ Annual Oscar Pool!!
Group name: House of Wax Dat Ass
Password: neckbeard
$10 entry fee
Winner takes all
contact me for payment shazzle!!
(ps, my entry is ‘Syriana Hinds’)