Can You Feelix?Tis Oscar Thyme!
23. Jan, 2007 
0 Comments
The Academy Awards are beginning to reflect the movies they honor: they blow donkey balls like Kevin Smith! Without furtrher a poop…
Best Picture
Babel
The Departed
Letters from Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
The Queen
WINNER: Babel, but if Little Miss Sunshine does, I’ll never watch a movie again
Actor
Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond
Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson
Peter O’Toole, Venus
Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness
Forest Whitaker, The Last king of Scotland
WINNER: what, no love for the cast of Little Man? Oh wait, that’s the Razzies, so take a walk in the Forest Whitaker
Actress
Penélope Cruz, Volver
Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal
Helen Mirren, The Queen
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet, Little Children
WINNER: Streep throat would make a great Supporting winner, but all hail the Queen AND the Redskins!
Supporting Actor
Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine
Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children
Djimon Hounsou, Blood Diamond
Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls
Mark Wahlberg, The Departed
WINNER: Eddie Murphy, although Kelly Leak would be a nice
Supporting Actress
Adriana Barraza, Babel
Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Rinko Kikuchi, Babel
WINNER: remember, singing doesn’t = acting, but voters don’t know this so Jennifer ‘As Big As The’ Hudson
Director
Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima
Stephen Frears, The Queen
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Babel
Paul Greenglass, United 93
Martin Scorsese, The Departed
WINNER: Make-up call time so tits your year Marty! Although to hell with Marty if he wins one cause Alfred Hitchcock never won one!!!
Foreign Film
“After the Wedding” Denmark
“Days of Glory (Indigenes)” Algeria
“The Lives of Others” Germany
“Pan’s Labyrinth,” Mexico
“Water” Canada
WINNER: I hear Water is wet but Pan can handle!!
Adapted Screenplay
Sacha Baron Cohen and Anthony Hines and Peter Baynham and Dan Mazer and Todd Phillips, “Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”
Alfonso Cuaron and Timothy J. Sexton and David Arata and Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby, “Children of Men”
William Monahan, “The Departed”
Todd Field and Tom Perrotta, “Little Children”
Patrick Marber, “Notes on a Scandal”
WINNER: all are eggsalad choices but I think Tom and Todd will have a FIELD day!!
Original Screenplay
Guillermo Arriaga, “Babel”
Iris Yamashita and Paul Haggis, “Letters From Iwo Jima”
Michael Arndt, “Little Miss Sunshine”
Guillermo del Toro, “Pan’s Labyrinth”
Peter Morgan, “The Queen.”
WINNER: since it really won’t win anything but hype, the voters will give Lil Miss this win here
Animated Feature Film
“Cars”
“Happy Feet”
“Monster House”
WINNER: who cares, but the one with cars will DRIVE away with it
Art Direction
“Dreamgirls”
“The Good Shepherd”
“Pan’s Labyrinth”
“Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”
“The Prestige.”
WINNER: Dreamgirls with Pan as a pastability
Cinematography
“The Black Dahlia”
“Children of Men”
“The Illusionist”
“Pan’s Labyrinth”
“The Prestige”
WINNER: Children of Bestness
Sound Mixing
“Apocalypto”
“Blood Diamond”
“Dreamgirls”
“Flags of Our Fathers”
“Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.”
WINNER: Dreamgals cause they aint nominated in the following category…
Sound Editing
“Apocalypto”
“Blood Diamond”
“Flags of Our Fathers”
“Letters From Iwo Jima”
“Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”
WINNER: one of the Eastwood flicks cause no one likes anti-Semites
Original Score
“Babel” Gustavo Santaolalla
“The Good German,” Thomas Newman
“Notes on a Scandal,” Philip Glass
“Pan’s Labyrinth,” Javier Navarrete
“The Queen,” Alexandre Desplat
WINNER: Glass, cause he’s never won one
Original Song
“I Need to Wake Up” from “An Inconvenient Truth,” Melissa Etheridge
“Listen” from “Dreamgirls,” Henry Krieger, Scott Cutler and Anne Preven
“Love You I Do” from “Dreamgirls,” Henry Krieger and Siedah Garrett
“Our Town” from “Cars,” Randy Newman
“Patience” from “Dreamgirls,” Henry Krieger and Willie Reale
WINNER: yuck. Vote against D-girls so go Melissa Etheridge!
Costume
“Curse of the Golden Flower”
“The Devil Wears Prada”
“Dreamgirls”
“Marie Antoinette”
“The Queen”
WINNER: to hell with Coppola so why not give Prada the love?
Documentary Feature
“Deliver Us From Evil”
“An Inconvenient Truth”
“Iraq in Fragments”
“Jesus Camp”
“My Country, My Country”
WINNER: it should be Jesus Camp but it’ll probably be the Al Gore show cause he invented the internet, documentaries, and Jesus
Documentary (short subject)
“The Blood of Yingzhou District”
“Recycled Life”
“Rehearsing a Dream”
“Two Hands”
WINNER: two hands… will clap for Blood In Zhang Ziyi’s Crotch!
Film Editing
“Babel”
“Blood Diamond”
“Children of Men”
“The Departed”
“United 93”
WINNER: United AIRLINES, even though that Discovery channel doc was far lake superior!!
Makeup
“Apocalypto”
“Click”
“Pan’s Labyrinth”
WINNER: you mean to tell me that CLICK can now call itself an OSCAR NOMINATED FILM??#@?@#?>@$ Pan I Am green eggs and SPAM!!
Animated Short Film
“The Danish Poet”
“Lifted”
“The Little Matchgirl”
“Maestro”
“No Time for Nuts”
WINNER: who isn’t nuts about deez nuts?
Live Action Short Film
“Binta and the Great Idea (Binta Y La Gran Idea)”
“Eramos Pocos (One Too Many)”
“Helmer & Son”
“The Saviour”
“West Bank Sto
ry”
WINNER: the Middle East is so out so lets roll the dice on Binta & The Jets
Visual Effects
“Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”
“Poseidon”
“Superman Returns”
WINNER: boo, but Supes
Academy Award winners previously announced this year:
Honorary Award (Oscar statuette)
Ennio Morricone
WINNER: a close race, but Ennio Morricone will get a fist full of Oscars!!!
JEAN HERSHOLT HUMANITARIAN AWARD
Sherry Lansing
WINNER: the ghost of Sherry Palmer!
Join
Thighs’ Annual Oscar Pool!!
Group name: Kelly Leak Takes A Leak
Password: badnews
$10 entry fee
Winner takes all
(if there be a tie, the winner will be decided by a Jell-O pudding wrestlin match)
contact me for payment shazzle!!
(ps, my entry is ‘Pan’s Labium’)
