The Wizards of Obvs

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
We Don’t Need No Education
Trailer & Mo!

Slain and pimple, Phoenix is eggzactly what one would expect from a 5th big screen outting for Harry Potter and his posse of tweens with wooden sticks. Yer not going to be amazed, but yer not gonna walk away disappointed neither. Long gone are the zzzzzz inducing days of Chris Columbus’ Potters 1 & 2, as newbie David Yates‘ Phoenix easily rides the coattails of Alfonso Cuarón’s masterful Azkaban [TWS review] and Mike Newell’s steady as she goes Goblet [TWS review]. I stopped reading the books after Ass-Ka-Ban, so to me, the films’ plots and pacing are usually a bit jumbled and confusing. I guess that’s to be eggspected when you cram 896 pages of kiddie-lit into 138 minutes of cinema. While I’m sure there’s sum good stuff that they left out of the flick, I don’t think anyone’s cryin that the quidditch season got canceled this go around. What we are treated to is more of everything. More darkness, more action (both the fighting and loving kind… but no HJs yet!), and duhvs course, more characters. While they’re too many to name, and some are down right lame (like Hagrid’s half-brother giant Grawp), there were two that stood out as mos welcome additions. A new book/flick always signals a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and none have downright owned the screen like Imelda Staunton (Vera Drake [TWS review])’s Dolores Umbridge did… some say mos wicked teacher since Miss Viola Swamp took over for the missing Miss Nelson! And I dunno what to make of odd ball Luna Lovegood (played by Potter obsessed girl Evanna Lynch), but I cannot stop thinking about her… yet not in the way I think about Ginny Weasley! Redheads forever!!

IMess: only in IMAX will you see Hermoine’s boobs grow larger

Extras! Extras! See All About It: is there anything better than Willow, Mrs Peel, David Brent AND Daniel Radcliffe chewing up the scenery in Extras?

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers•

SiCKO
Rescuing 911
Trailer

Slain and pimple, SiCKO is eggzactly what one would expect from a 5th big screen outting for Michael Moore and his natural good looks (this would be flick #6 if we were including his Canadian Bacon, but we aint, so eat some bacon ands shut up!). No other documentarian is the showman that Moore is. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s at the top of the field, cause he isn’t… ever hear of Fred Wiseman? Didn’t think so. Anywho, bein a showman like he is juss means that no one can grab people’s attention like he does, which is his bestest and wurstest attribute. Fahrenheit 9/11 [TWS review] was quite the attention grabber, but it backfired since it was only preaching to the choir. So with SiCKO, his pseudo-exposé into America’s health care system, Moore preaches to a larger choir, which doesn’t require the love of donkeys or elephants. While you can’t fault the man for raising awareness on the issue, you can for the half-assed way he does it. If yer looking for something in-depth, wait for 60 Minutes or John Stossel‘s mustache to go knockin’ on the HMOs’ doors, cause all yer gonna get with Moore are opinions, with little to no facts to back them up. He shows us how socialized medicine is such a wonderful thing in other countries, but he doesn’t really investigate how those systems work or are funded, besides saying that the gov-mint takes care of it. Raising questions is one thing, but attempting to find the answers is another. Remember folks, sometimes less is more, unless yer Michael Moore, where more is juss… more hot air

IMDb Sweeney: besides being the not so secret star of all of his docs, and Canadian Bacon, for that splatter, I’m sirprized his acting resume only has 3 other titles on it

Steal His Movie: seriously, he doesn’t care if you download his movie off the internets! [Rutgers Hat lover]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Moore bashing aside, the issue is the issue so dis shiz be Jeepers Worth The Peepers•

and if you haven’t already dunn so, peep the trailer to what will be one of the wurstest movies of the year

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…