Thighs Wide Shut

Skins Season Three, Episode 5: Freddie [trailer]

Freddie’s the pretty boy, but unlike series’ 1’s pretty (about a) boy there’s not much depth to his character besides the depth his conditioner adds to his amazin hair. Yet having amazin hair does not make up for the fact that he’s bland, and it doesn’t help that the actor portraying him, Luke Pasqualino, always looks like he’s acting too hard in his scenes. Overall the episode was solid, spanks to those mo interesting folks that surround Fred (continued ookie Cook-ie, a classic magic trick from JJ, hairs stand on end + the return of Josie Long), but twas quite a come down after the previous ep featuring Pandora’s off the wall pajama jammy jam. Also, there was one major problem with the ‘sode: a gigantic lack of Skins twins!!!

so who wins this week’s Fitch(/Prescott) twins action jackson award?

Ems(/Kat), who barely appears in two measly scenes

none involving kissing girls

or

Katie(/Meg), who barely appears in only one measly scene

that doesn’t take place in a shower or our bedroom

so, our ep 5 winner: tie

and the tie goes to…

Fred’s lil sister and Sexxbomb contender Karen (Klariza Clayton), who wants to go ‘Ass 2 Ass’ with you [empee3]

wees was wonderin if a third series happens (that would be season 5) and they kick out these current kids and start anew like they dids before, whether she’d be the one holdover like Effy was from Series 1 to Series 2. certainly wouldn’t be the wurstest thang that could happen

Ep 4: Pandora [trailer] was far by the hottiest and heaviest hittin of dem skins of Season 3 of Skins. and how could it not be with a ladies only pajama party going down in honor of Pandora’s b-day (and broken heart), complete with MDMA-laced brownies and an unsuspecting mother Xing her face off to Bon Jovi’s ‘Living On A Prayer’? but for those watching it on BBC America, you don’t get to hear BJ’s anthem cause apparently they didn’t feel like forking over the additional cash necessary for music clearances on the US broadcast, and that, coupled with the editing out of language and other ‘racy’ bits (+ the impatience of waiting a whole week for another ep) has led us to watch them st elsewhere, where else we can hear all the choice music that’s intended to accompany all the choice scenes (you also won’t get to hear Lily Allen’s ‘The Fear’ during our first girl-on-girl action and the usage of Kanye’s ‘Love Lockdown’ during a jaw dropping scene (don’t click this link if you haven’t watched this ep, plus you’ll probably not find it all that jaw dropping if you haven’t watch this season)

but now for mo pressing matters of hand love splatters…

going forward, we will force ourselves to pick a weekly winner in the Fitch(/Prescott) Twins sweepstakes, based on which one boated our float the floatest!

Emily(/Megan) got rather saucy, PDAing like mad with Danny, being a party monster by supplying the ecstasy, and proving that maybe she isn’t such a megabitch after all by making peace with Naomi and promising not to ‘fluff up‘ her ‘flange‘

buttttttttttttt, Emily(/Kathryn) easily wins the week by growing a set of balls and kissing the girl like she was Katy Perry AND Jill Sobule times 1423487

duh

so JJ, whatta you think of this off the kosher meat rack ep?

let it be known that a moon bounce is always a wise spot for any cinematic or TV lusting. see additional Emily + lady kissing in this ep and Betty & Louis’ bouncing on the moon in Revenge of the Nerds for further poof

dis juss in: MTV TO RUIN SKINS BY MAKING AN AMERICAN VERSION OF IT, set in our Bristol, Baltimore??? [Variety | Bal’mo Sun]. oy meh! yeah, we already have our doubts, since we doubt America can duplicate the racy spacey amazingcy of the thighly original series [our ♥ here for Season 1 & 2 & The Prescott Twins of 3]. we had the same bloody negative Yankee feelings before with a US version of their The Office, but them feelings were qwikly erased and it has since becum one of our mos flavorite shows on telly of balls thyme!!! besides HBO or Showtime, MTV does hactually seem like a logical choice and home for such teenage debauchery to air on, and you know that they’ll choose some delicious slutty-tastic ladies for us to fawn over for daze upon days, so lettuce hope for the breast, but prepare for the wurst. luckily Baltimore has their own football team now, so there won’t be any confusion when someone from the city sez they’re a Skins fan!

sprekin of season 3, Ep3: Thomas [trailer] waz some straight-up semi-gangsta shiz (rapping in French! more Gareth Keenan! & an Auntie who makes pot tea and scones!). herspecially loved the Thomas & Pandora hook-up. they remind we of a younger Kendra & Hank Baskett coupling (yes cause she’s loopy, and yes cause he’s black). cum to think of it, we loves anything that has to do with Pandora, even her constant vomiting

oft tu there bitch, ewes beaches!

half ah grape weakened avery wan!

Skins Ep 2 of Season 3 was straight off the meat rack. the Cook centric episode was over-Cook-ed to perfection, including, but certainly not limited to, Mackenzie Crook (Gareth Keenan)’s guest work on a… meat rack. our mind went wandering and wondering and wees were thinking second thoughts as to which of the Fitch/Prescott twins we liketh the mostestestest, and could possibly have the dishonor of sitting on the/our throne of Thighland for all thighternity

choosing this choosy choice is more frustrating than being a choosy Mom who doesn’t choose JIF!

we’ll come AND play
even if our name aint Danny!!

we’re totally havin a Siamese (twins wet) dream bout dem two!!!

last week we instantly fell for doormat/closet lezzie Emily/Kathryn, butt now we’ve also fallen under the trance and enchantment of her homophobic/pushed-up bra twinster Katie/Megan, her adorable lisp, and even morer adorabler chipmunk cheeks. cause you knows we loves the female chipmunks and their cheeks!!!!

we wanna pinch dem cheeks and then pinch ourselves for doing so

oye forkin vey!
we need a cold shower!!

dangs, this picking a which twin is the nit-shiz over the other is rather tuff stuff, and dan rather taxing on the brain, and on that other brain. got brain? we needs we a drink and a banana to think this one over and out

wait a millisecond
this aint even a contest

The Streets – ‘Fit But You Know It’