Thighs Wide Shut

War Horse
More Like Bore Horse
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 146 min

Apparently there’s this beloved book turned into a hit play about a boy and his horse a horse and his boy, who loved one another like no horse and no boy could have ever loved one another, BUT THEY DID IT (not actually did it, but you know what we mean).  Apparently there love was so great that Steven Spielberg needed to make a movie out of it.  If you see one Spielberg movie this winter, do not make it War Horse, unless you love horses more than people, and if you do, please never come to this dot org ever again

OK, so it was kinda cool to see how horses’ role in warfare came to an abrupt end in WWI, due to trenches and tanks, but it wasn’t all that cool to watch a horse change hands from a poor English family (newbie boy Jeremy Irvine + parents Emily Watson and Peter Mullan), to a super fruity English army officer who knows how to draw (Tom Hiddleston), then to the kid from The Reader (David Kross), then to the old dude from The Prophet (Niels Arestrup), and then into no man’s land, before the eventual (no real sirprize here, but a spoiler lessthenone) reunion with the boy.  Yep, that’s the story, and yep, our main character is a horse.  Yep, the horse hands in the best horse performance of the year, but wouldn’t you rather watch Tintin run around the world in search of treasure instead of a boy searching for a horse?

The movie is well made, but it’s juss not all that compelling, and never registers on an emotional level that it is desperately trying to reach for (the script is ultra-fromage-y).  The most we got out of it was being happy for peeps like David Thewlis, Benedict Cumberbatch, Toby Kebbell, Eddie Marsan and Liam Cunningham who finally got to be in a Spielberg movie.  Is that some sort of an accomplishment?  Not really, but all of their performances (+ Celine Buckens &  Robert Emms) are commendable in a not so commendable flick

moral of the story – said it before – bore Horse.  nuff said again

No More Horsing Around: horses were still hactually used in WWII, mainly on the Eastern Front, even by the Poles, who couldn’t get their screen door submarines into action quick enuff to halt the Nazis

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

War Horse trots into a theater near jews on Xmas day

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Un Prophète (A Prophet)
Incarcerated Rookie
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

No good punk Malik (Tahar Rahim) isn’t serving a life sentence, but his 6 years behind French-fried bars will provide him with endless life experiences. He walks in illiterate, allegiance-less (he’s a Muslim, in name only) and easy pickings for the more tenured inmates. When a crusty old Corsican gang member (Niels Arestrup) takes him under his wing, with a large dose of tough love and even tougher assignments (offing a rat, and not the kind that Henry Jones fears), he quickly rises from golden boy to made man. Eventually allowed access to the outside world due to good behavior, Malik, like most crime doesn’t pay ladder climbers, gets to big for his own britches, searching for riches, and ends up crossing all those who helped and stood in the way of his path

Jacques Audiard‘s Academy Award nominee for Best Foreign Language Film… film (sorry, but it’s White Ribbon‘s to lose) doesn’t seem overly original, but there’s something about its many borrowed parts and how their fused together in a curious 155-minuted pie that’s hard to loss interest in for a single moment. And despite the fact that the misguided Malik isn’t the mos lovable character to rah-rah sis-boom-ba over, you’ve invested so much time watching him that you inevitably want to see if he comes out on top, or simply alive. Don’t let the title fool you. There isn’t anything deep at play here, even if at times it feels like there might be, but as a viewer, there is much to profit from, and not much to lose

He Likes To Score: one man, one very impressive resume, learn this name… Alexandre Desplat

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Prophète opens in NY/LA on Friday and st elsewhere st elsewhen!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…