Thighs Wide Shut

Who do these peoples think they is?

• For once, the end of the NFL season is actually more about the Redskins, and less about my fantasy teams… that juss shat the bed. Oh, by the gay, lick my grundle COWBOYS, AGAIN!!!

• Trace Ayala reacts to ex-fiancee Cuthbest’s current NHL blogging and banging, ‘I love her to death, so whatever happens, happens. We’ve both got so much going on right now.‘ And by ‘going on’, he means masturbating, picking up J-T’s dry cleaning, and spending 6 hours a day anonymously making snarky comments on her blog

• em pee treses that have finally displaced ‘Awesome Gawd’ [d-lode] atop of my broken thIghpod: ‘California 2005’ by Phantom Planet [find it here] and The Gay Cowboy Theme Song from Brokeback Mt [d-lode], which is kinda bitched at swirth with the Princess Bride theme [d-lode] + this bonus fab Finbarr remix [find it here]

• Apparent lie, the White Stripes are the only people on earth allowed to use the color combo of black, white, and red. No word on if they lay claim on the ‘What’s black and white and read all over?‘ joke

• Tina Fey to do the umpossible: make Sacha Baron Cohen unfunny

• Wish I had a Bar Refaeli instead of a Bar Mitzvah

• Maria Sharapova’s Motorola M1000 sold for $7,500. After learning this, I cleaned up the kingdom a bit and sold some of her leftover pubes on eBay. Unfortch, I only gots a paltry 6 roubles

• Why spend 15 bones for the DVD of the vastly overrated Wedding Crashers [review] when you can spend 10 to see the DVD in a movie theater?!

• Primary Colors + Edtv + Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World = the American Dreamz trailer… read: most likely to be one giant poo on a stick

• Cheetos Lip Balm or this…

take your pick puke
[via The Made of Brawn-steeens]

• Things I learned by watching 60 Minutes: Mike Wallace is the most tanned Jew of all time

• Why didn’t someone get license to kill Jodie Lynn Tillen before filming began on License To Kill? I mean, you call this costume designing? NOBODY makes Robert Davi look like a fool and deserves to live!

• How do cats “know” to use litter boxes?… but still no answer as to how Cats stayed on Broadway for so long

• A poster of meat hottier than that 70s Farah Fawcett one

• Richard Branson wants to call you

• Animated Knots by Greg

• A Salute to Salute Your Shorts [via The Mask]

• City Rag Doll reminds us of a grrrrrrrrrreat site that she flazzled from us last year, so I’m flizzling it back this year: Scared of Santa photo gallery

• I dont know either [NSFW]

• Siskel & Ebert uncensored!!!!!!! [via Monkey Helper]

• And I have lil to no frigidaire idear who Alizeé Jacotey is, sides the fact that’s she’s some sorta singer, may actually be Joe Jacoby‘s niece, and hails from the Land of Fries (Thighland’s closet geographical ally), but spanks to Cpt Bees Nuts, I’ll be buttering her croissant and beatin the crap outta her until she can’t stand the au bon PAIN all up in the ’06!!

Let the fun begin…

Depeche Mode, The Strokes, Portishead, Franz Ferdinand, Fatboy Slim, Massive Attack, Infected Mushroom, Royksopp, Kings of Leon, Doves, Sufjan Stevens, Broken Social Scene, Atmosphere, Blackalicious, Super Furry Animals, The Buzzcocks, Primal Scream, Supergrass, Ladytron, DJ Peretz, The Shins, Dieselboy, Tortoise, Sleater Kinney, Richard Hawley, Grooverider, Death From Above 1979, Yesterday’s New Quintet, The Walkmen, Son Volt, Will Oldham, The Clientele, Lightning Bolt, Cage, The Crimea, OK Go, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, John Kelly

April 30

The White Stripes, Roxy Music (featuring Brian Eno), The Arcade Fire, Sigur Ros, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Boards of Canada, Underworld, Ween, Death Cab for Cutie, Armin Van Buuren, Built to Spill, De La Soul, Big Star, Iron & Wine, Uberzone, Happy Mondays, Dinosaur Jr, TV on the Radio, Elbow, Eagles of Death Metal, The Tears, Esthero, T. Rauschmiere, Cat Power, The New Pornographers, Carl Cox, Grandaddy, Calexico, Explosions in the Sky, The Wedding Present, Andy C, Fatlip, DJ Icey, The Notwist and Themselves preforming as 13 & God, Devendra Banhart, The Coral, Stateless, 65 Days of Static

[via Shady Harrison via VelvetTripe]

Well, 2006 would fufill my destiny of going every other year (’02 and ‘04). And maybe, juss maybe, I’ll re-grow the porn stache… but only if I make the pages and bang the skeezy ho-fun-bags of del Cobra Snake

frynally, some news of the utz mos importance…

• By the gay 2, Boof from Teen Wolf is in no way related to Shia or anyone else of the LaBeouf Tang Clan

• Janet Jackson. NSFW. Non-Super Bowl related. Sorta hactually beatoffable, unlike these sweet talian hams. Click now.

• On Dec 1st, The White Stripes will boldly go where no band has performed before: The Daily Show wit Jon Stewart. Maybe they’ll do something special like wear orange and purple… or talk about their upcoming Michel Gondry directed video featuring Conan O’Best (?)

• Belated but, no more $40 a lay for the former Ms Ray

• Somehow Brett Ratner will fuck this up

• Did you know that Monks Diner in Seinfeld is the same place as Tom’s Diner in Suzanne Vega’s world? [via the Vega]

• The Flash 6-Disc DVD Box Set be coming in early ’06. Don’t all pre-order it at once or the world’s computers may all implode. [via Pakula Shaker]

• Field Day founder/perennial loser, Andrew Dreskin finally succeeded at something… even if that something is really nothing important

• Soccer Wives and Girlfriends [via Double V]

• I swear that I had nothing to do with these Hasselhoff photoshoppings from hell

• Siberian City Raises Concert Costs for Gay Performers… click for the story, but stay for picture

• How does scratch and sniff work?

• What’s up with the “Acme Company”?/Why Wile E. Coyote Will Never Catch The Road Runner

• The Top Ten Classic Arcade Game Songs

• What Is 88mph? + oldie What Is Cosby? [beware the AUDIO]

• Ukulele Disco

• Textbook examples of Moustaches, Chin & Cheek Beards, and good ole Full Beards

• Loved you some alternative Shining trailer? Then you’ll surely love you some zombie West Side Story, and maybe this Titanic one, which would have been a better way to market that POOPfest. Looks like these 3 were all created by the creative folks at PS260

• And while one Charlotte Church got her shoes jacked, another CC got sentenced to the big house for 21 years for likey-ing kiddie porn. What does this have to do with the price of eggs? I dunno, but she kinda looks like Melinda Clarke/Atia in this snap, and I since need me to gets my swerve on with dem following curves on, she hath saved herself from the chopping blocks. The same can’t be said of Annie Boleyn, who had to go cause she had six fingers and like ZERO boobage!

I scream,
you scream,
I dream
to make u cream!

• Royksopp sign up for some Zeptember dates

• White Stripes, Glasto ’05, d-lode now

• Spank the lord that our fine country broke off from Britain cause otherwise these ultra tacky thumcredible casino carpets may never have eggsisted.

• I’m off to the District of Columbian coffee this holly daze for Sistah Thigh Mizzle’s wedding, so I’ll see you kids Twosday. In the meantime, please go see War of the Worlds. It’s the earth-gets-defecated-upon-summer-movie-blockbuster that Independencee Day should have been (full review on that and 124747425 others 4thalancumming). But don’t do it for me, do it for Van Dame Dakota who needs to be cheered up after Regis tried to molest her. ‘Naughty, naughty, naughty! You filthy old soomka!‘

[pic via Lovely D]