Thighs Wide Shut

Trishna
Rorschach Tess
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 117 min

There’s a famous book that you may have heard of called Tess of the d’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy.  We don’t know a thing about it, cept that it’s probably about a girl named Tess and she’s of d’Ubervilles.  Man, remembering how to spell ‘d’Urbervilles’ is about as hard as remembering how to spell ‘hors d’oeuvres’!  And did you know that the lady of the d’Ubervilles has no relation whatsoever to the lady of Cat Stevens song ‘Lady d’Arbanville’???

Now that that’s settled, one of a kind/wunderkind director Michael Winterbottom has taken the Tess text, whatever it is, and renamed her Trishna of no family name, and moved her story to India.  Since we don’t know the source material, it’s hard to compare how they compare, but this movie is kinda the bomb-bay… well, for a Winterbottom movie that is.  Rule of thumb/numb – if Michael Winterbottom has directed a movie, it’s probably worth seeing.  Trishna is no exception, and probably one of the more exceptional movies he’s done did.  It’s true!

Trishna is Freida Pinto, a peasant girl who works for peanuts to provide for her family.  One day, her traditional dancing  catches the eye of Richie Rich Riz Ahmed (he was in Wintery’s Road to Guantanamo) and he plucks her from poverty to work at one of his father(Roshan Seth, he of the Temple of Doom!)’s hotels.  Since he’s a man, of course he has ulterior motives, like getting into her pants.  She’s shy, and he’s nice, but guards are eventually lowered and so are pants.  Then Trish leaves, returns home, takes care of some unwanted bidness, and the Richie Rich guy goes chasing after her.  They decide to live together in the big city, where him being rich and her being poor isn’t a big deal, and everything goes really darn swell (smiles! more dancing! the life of luxury!), until things change and aren’t going well, and then things GET FREAKING CRAZY!!!!  This flick’s got love, hate, secrets, lies, thighs, Pinto, no beans, beautiful scenery, Indian stuff, some happiness, much sadness AND MUCH MORE!

moral of the story – oh, Trish, of the d’Oeuvres, why do fools fall in love, especially with rich fools who seem to be nice but really are juss controlling iceholes??!?!??!?!  TRAGIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  we totally now want to read the book watch one of them stuffy British TV mini-series adaptations!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Trishna opens in theaters May 18

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

we and the folks took last year off, but came back with a mengeance (whatever that means) this year.  saw 5 flicks over 3 days, all were Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers, and all will be blathered about below in blurb form (in order of seeing them)

A Quiet Life (Una Vita Tranquilla)
Official Site | 100 Minutes

Rosario (our man Toni Servillo of Il Divo amazingness) escaped Mafia death in Italy, leaving his wife and son behind, and now has a new wife, son and QUIET LIFE as a restaurateur in Germany.  Everything’s fine and dandy… until his long lost son juss so happens to show up with his lunkheaded partner for a murder for hire gig in the area.  Director Claudio Cupellini keeps the tension tight and kitchen knives sharp, in this, only his second feature.  Impressive enuff stuff that deserves an American release, and yer eyeballs

The Swell Season
Official Site| 90 Minutes

What happened to those crazy kids after Once?  No, not the quasi-movie versions of themselves, but the real McCoys, Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová (collectively known as The Swell Season), who went on to much fame, acclaim and Oscar glory.  Great question!!!!  And that is EGGGZACTLY what the doc Twice The Swell Season answers!  He was a seasoned musician with not much world-wide traction and she was a little girl just about to begin life, AND then all their wildest dreams came true AND THEN SOME!!  It wasn’t easy on either of them, especially her, and especially since they were lovers!!!!  DRAMMMMMMMMMA!!!  AND GREAT TUNES!!!!   AND MORE!!!  It’s often painful stuff, but it’s always interesting, but truly only for those who saw Once and Once to know more!

The Trip
Official Site| 107 Minutes

Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon go on an English countryside romp, filled with rustic lodgings, questionable fine dinning and a lot of awfully awesome impersonations.  The title to Michael Winterbottom‘s funtastic semi-improvised flick (a summarized version of a the 6 episodic TV show of the same name) sez it all, and it’s a lot more dandy than the trio’s earlier effort, 2005’s Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story.  Book yer ticket when this rock & rule story lands on our shores this June

Mama Africa
Tribecal Site| 90 Minutes

Miriam Makeba is… someone both you and thigh know NOTHING about.  Correct this, like we did, and see this doc (titled with her nickname) about the exiled South African singer and civil rights activist, who won the ears and love of people the globe over, with her click-clacking killah voice.  while you wait for release, get yer ‘Pata Pata‘ on [emp3 d-lode]

God Bless Ozzy Osbourne
Official Site | 91 Minutes

Dude, it’s an unflinching documentary about Ozzy’s life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There are both Black AND White Sabbath moments, and there’s plenty of red all over!!!!!!!!!!  The only bad thing about it is that it’s not longer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for all past years Thighbeca-ness, click here

the Thighbeca Film Festival scaled back this year, and so did wees, only taking in 4 movies. it woulda been 5, but we skipped one so we could watch game 1 of Caps/Pens, which based on how un-great the films we saw were, was totally the right call

Breast In Fest

n/a

Jeepers Worth A Releasers

Soundtrack For A Revolution
[website | trailer]

There are tons of documentaries about the Holocaust, but not that many about the Civil Rights movement. They say Jews control the media, so lettuce juss leave it at that. It’s been a long arsed time since we were happily forced to watch the mammoth 14-part series Eyes On The Prize in high school, so it was with great pleasure to take a fresh look at the Civil Right movement with Soundtrack For A Revolution. The doc aims to spotlight the spiritual and peaceful fight songs of the movement, with modern day musicians playin the tunes in a studio (The Roots, John Legend, Wyclef, Joss Stone, etc), but it’s basically an excuse to retell the stories of the major marches, acts of civil disobedience, and rise and fall of MLK Jr. There’s nothing wrong with that, as we hope the big name artists will help to open new ears and eyes to a part of American history that needs to be retold over and over

release date: unknown, but will play at this year’s Cannes FF

Sum Merit But
No Stinkin Festival Badges

Stay Cool
[trailer not available]

We loves ourselves some Polish brothers. Aint talking about siblings from the European country, but the twins Mark (the actor/writer) and Michael (the director), whose unique brand of quirkiness doesn’t always hit a home run with us, but we still like to watch them play. Their latest venture has ‘Breastest Movie mt EVERest’ written all over it, solely based on the cast and crew. Mark plays Henry, a successful writer who has returned home to deliver his high school’s graduation commencement speech. His parents are still nutty and treat him like a kid (played with such welcome back bestness by Dee Wallace, aka the mother from E.T., and Michael Gross, aka the father from Family Ties), his friends who still live in the area are beyond fruity (Sean Astin and Lost‘s Sawyer), and not much has changed in the hallowed hallways of his school (Chevy Chase is still the hapless principal, Frances Conroy is still the meanie teacher, and girls are still hot… Hilary Duff fills this role quite well). Henry has forever been pining for his ye old crush (Winona Ryder, who is everyone’s real life ye old crush, right?), and wouldn’t you know it, she’s also back in town! Henry makes up for lost time and finally makes his move on her. How the rest of it plays out is passable, but it did feel a bit too restrained. We were dying to love this movie, but the bros Polish never gave us the chance to fully embrace it. It had a Napoleon Dynamite vibe goings, yet w/o any of its TNT for awesomeness. An effin and geein shame

release date: unknown, although this would totally be an OK flick to watch on IFC if you stumbled upon it

Doesn’t Even Belong
In A Poop Festical

The Exploding Girl
[website]

We also loves ourselves sum Zoe Kazan, and we were mad eager beaver cleaver to see the film in which she won the festival’s Best Actress prize for. And after seeing sleeping thru this borefest and 5/9ths (with ZERO EXPLOSIONS!!!), which showcases not much of her acting, juss sum frowns and an occasional smile, we have to ask, was she the only actress nominated? This movie is so snoozetastic that it makes Wendy & Lucy look as fast & furious as a Jan de Bont flick! whatevs dot snore, cause we still loves you like crazyzz Zoe!!

release date: hopefully never, unless used to treat insomnia

Salt of This Sea
[trailer]

Films being told from the Palestinian point of view are becoming more of a common thing these days and so far the results have been well worth watching (Lemon Tree and Paradise Now). Salt of This Sea is not one o
f them films worth watching. It’s super long, when it only needed to be 8 minutes long, and its main character, a Brooklynite girl with displaced Palestinian roots returning to the homeland, is so unsympathetic and purty pathetic that it’s hard to even want to view her point. Even if you do care for her, you won’t care for the film after the bank robbery scene, which is so unnecessary and redonkeypunched

release date: hopefully never as well, unless used as a Guantanamo Bay torture device

we saw a screening of Easy Virtue, starring Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend, and will review it when it comes out in a few weeks

hear are recaps from Thighbeca years past:
2008, 2007, 2006 and 2005, sorta

until next year’s fest, the balcony is clothed

Welcome to our fourth year of Thighbeca Film Festival coverage (recaps from 2007, 2006 and 2005, sorta). Ideally, we’d see a lot more than we did, but if that happened, we’d probably would be blind. Same could be said about masturbating too much, but that’s an over-activity worth going blind for

Breast In Fest

Man On Wire [trailer not available]

Philippe Petit’s name may not ring a bell, but his high wire antics probably will. In 1974 he did the impossible: (illegally) walk between the World Trade Center’s twin towers. How he planned and executed it is the focus of this deeply fascinating doc. It’s hard to mention the towers anymore without thinking of 9/11, so it was an absolute pleasure to watch this doc that reminded us when they symbolized a thing of beauty and not horror

release date: August 15th in limited release

Mister Lonely [trailer]

You already know we loves it [TWS review], so the only question is, when are you going to see it? If Diego Luna’s career ever goes down el baño, he totally could earn some extra cash rocking those MJ moves

release date: already playing in limited release

Old Man Bebo [trailer]

Bebo Valdés was one of the kings of Cuban music (and apparently fathering children). That is until Castro and the revolution came in and, because of his neutral stance, pushed him from his homeland. Living in European oblivion, and being reduced to playing pianos at hotels and private parties, Bebo seemed destined to be a footnote in the annals of music. That is until his career was revived in the 90s, thankfully by those who never forgot him. The doc itself is pretty basic, but Bebo’s story is so darn engaging that it elevates the whole thing to muss see (if it’s ever released)

release date: unknown

Somers Town [trailer not available so peep this slideshow]

When we last left crossed paths with director Shane Meadows, he had juss rocked our socks and coccyx off with his jarring This Is England [TWS GLOWING review], and introduced us to the bright young talent that is Thomas ‘Tommo’ Turgoose. Well, the two have reunited on his quiet (read: not much plot), yet effective, follow-up that follows Tommo as a runaway looking for a new life on the streets of London. He finds friendship in another lonely soul, a Polish kid (Piotr Jagiello, another great discovery by Meadows), and the two get into their fair share or mis and mradventure. Think of it is a not so cheesy Son of Rambow

release date: unknown

Jeepers Worth A Releasers

A President to Remember: In the Company of John F. Kennedy [trailer not available]

Robert Drew and his assocaites have long been pioneers in the field of political documentaries. They got their start as flies on the wall following JFK on the 1960 presidential campaign trail with the film Primary, and went on to follow his every move when he occupied the White House with 4 more docs on the most charismatic president to date. Well RD and assocs have taken the best bits of those works and created this new one that captures all the major events he faced (although no mistresses here, juss the hotness that was Jackie), with Alec Baldwin’s smooth voice leading the way. This may be better suited for PBS than a theater, but regardless of where you see it, the mission of remembering JFK will certainly be accomplished

release date: unknown

The Universe of Keith Haring [trailer]

80s Pop Artist Keith Haring deserves a better reflection on his life and times than this. Since none are in the works that we know of, we guess we’ll stick with this adequate one that seems to focus more on passing time than reflecting on the times. Little introspection is made from the interviewees (and Madonna is noticeably absent… so is Warhol, but he’s dead), and it’s a crying shame, but Haring’s such a great subject that this doc is still worth czeching out

release date: fourth quarter of 2008

Sum Merit B
ut
No Stinkin Festival Badges

A Portrait of Diego: The Revolutionary Gaze [trailer]

Diego Rivera was larger than life, and probably quite often, larger than his pants. This doc doesn’t really chronicle that life. It’s more about some half-a-century old silent color film of Diego at work, which was dug up from some Mexican attic, and what his grandson, and the offspring of two of the people involved in said film think about it. The title is thus very misleading and probably woulda been better if it was called Three Famous Peoples’ Kin and How They Have Nothing Better To Do Than To Talk About Diego Rivera Around A Table And Talk About How Their Famous Forefathers Are More Talented Than They Are

release date: unknown

Redbelt [trailer]

On second thought’s it isn’t as bad as we originally said it was [TWS review], but that stoopid fight at the end has still left the wurstest taste in our mouth since we licked crepe paper

release date: already playing in limited release

Doesn’t Even Belong
In A Poop Festical

War, Inc. [trailer]

This movie is so beyond awful that we had no regrets leaving the theater for 30 minutes to watch the Kentucky Derby at a nearby bar. When we returned, we didn’t miss a thing. It was almos more enjoyable to watch Eight Belles get euthanized than sit through this hunk of Cusack junk (with Hillary Duff along for the ride). War, Inc? More like War, STINKS!

release date: May 23 in limited release

until next year’s fest, the balcony is clothed

This has only been my second year rizzle razzlin at the Tribeca Film Festival, three, if you count the House of Wax Dat A$$ screening where I stalked Cuthbert with a wooden mallet, and although I enjoyed most of what I peeped, I’d have to say that the selections from which to choose from wouldn’ta satisfied a mom who choosily chooses JIF peanut butter. I dunno if it’s just a lousy year, or that last year was bestierful than the Bestival, but anypoo, whithout further Freddy Adu…

Breast In Fest•

I Have Never Forgotten You: The Life & Legacy of Simon Wiesenthal [trailer]

Ever heard of Simon Wiesenthal? If the answer is yes, then you still need to see this. If the answer is no, go fork yourself you Nazi sympathizer, and then, when your have completed your self-forking, go see this engaging documentary on the notorious Holocaust survivor turned Nazi hunter, narrated by Nicole Kidman. Hell, the doc does such a good job of blending history and emotion that you may juss NEVER FORGET about it

release date: May 23rd (limited)

The King of Kong [trailer]

If there’s one doc you see this year, make sure it’s Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple on DVD, but if yer lookin for sumtang a lil less depressing, but equally as disturbing then u have to seek out The King of Kong. This doc, which chronicles the all-time Donkey Kong champion, his challenger, and the freaks and geeks that lie between, namely other arcade champs and the people who police their scores, is so beyond fascinating that I can see why a studio would want to make a fictional film outta it! I plan on seeing this again when it’s properly released and I urge you to do the same

release date: August 17th (limited)

Where God Left His Shoes [trailer]

In what could easily have been the biggest schmaltz fest since my mum’s matzoh ball soup, Where God Left His Shoes is the straight-forward yet very touching tale of a family fighting their way out of homelessness around Christmastime in NYC. Calling the shots is the always dependable John Leguizamo, but it’s his stepson, played by David Castro, that’s really stealing them. Think of it is a lower budget and way less Irish In America

release date: maybe Christmas?

Jeepers Worth A Releasers•

2 Days In Paris [trailer]

If Julie Delpy was a bit more of a party girl and traded in poetic Ethan Hawke for neurotic Adam Goldberg, you’d end up with purty much something that resembles her rambling full length directorial debut 2 Days In Paris. Adorably Woody Allenesque for the first half and a complete mess by the second, this flick is still worthy of your yeux et oreilles!

release date: August 10th (limited)

•Sum Merit But No Stinkin Festival Badges•

The Air I Breathe

We’ve all seen Crash and therefore we’ve all already seen The Air I Breathe. If yer sick of flicks where the characters perfectly and coincidentally intertwine, then stay away. But if you can’t get enuff, then come on down and enjoy Brendan Fraser’s ninehead. This film will probably get released, which would be sad considering that Fraser’s far more entertaining ’06 Tribeca entry, Journey to the End of the Night [review], never got the chance

release date: ????

Blue State

Voting for Kerry, political blogging, and Breckin Meyer. Carnac sez, ‘What are three things that I don’t ever want to see in a film again after seeing Blue State‘

release date: ????

Purple Violets

A film by Edward Burns. ’nuff said

release date: ????

Doesn’t Even Belong In A Poop Festical•

DJ Spooky’s Rebirth of a Nation [clip] & D-Fuse’s Latitude

DJ Spooky, why on earth did you ever let D-Fuse open your show with 30+ minutes of boring to the 3728378127837^nth degree sound and video? That crap on a stick knocked my brain off its moorings so fargin much that I could never fully get into and appreciate your DW Griffith remix thingie. Sorry bro, but next time, diffuse D-Fuse’s computer and maybe I won’t be so spooked to see you again!

release date: random performances